Affirmation
by NElaineR
Summary: Picks up where "Beat the Devil" left off. Declarations are made causing emotions to run amok. Danger ensues because I can't help myself. Hopefully love will fix all! This former one shot has been extended. Epilogue up!
1. Chapter 1

Gillian had a raging case of guilt

He had asked if she had wanted to grab a bite with him, but she turned him down, citing too much work. Looking dejected, Cal had nodded slightly, mumbled an acknowledgement, turned heel and left.

All because of Helen's words reverberating in her mind. "He's not one for the long haul…"

She had distanced herself all because of the other woman's comments. He _needed _her and she had let him down. Her best friend.

Shame flushed over her face. He had endured torture and had come close to dying at the hands of that psychopath tonight only to be presented with an uncaring façade from her. _What had she been thinking_?

Gillian pulled her purse from the bottom drawer of her desk and grabbed her phone. Hit direct dial. Rang 5 times before going to voice mail. Her brow crinkled with worry. Tried again with the same result. Hopefully he's just at home ignoring the phone and not out getting himself into trouble. Knowing him, it was the latter. Damn.

She grabbed her coat and switched off the lights on the way out.

**(BREAK)**

Gillian went by his house in the dim hope that he was there.

His car was in the driveway, and she allowed herself to relax slightly. Not that that _necessarily_ meant anything – he could have taken a cab. Only one way to find out.

She parked behind him and followed the path to his front door. Gillian knocked and waited. Knocked again. A knot began to form in the pit of her stomach as images of a broken, bloody Cal flickered through her mind. Bar fights seemed to be one of his specialties when he was upset. He was like a powder keg; the smallest infraction would set him off. He was slight but he'd been known to take down much larger men, not before getting his own head kicked in a bit though. Gillian paused a moment longer before turning to leave. That's when she heard the door open. She spun around to find him staring at her. Sure enough, he had a shiner and a cut over his right eye. A quiet sigh escaped her lips. "Cal."

He regarded her through heavy lids, his expression unreadable. Nonetheless, he opened the door wider and stepped aside to allow her access to his home.

She moved past him into the foyer before he quietly shut the door behind her.

"Gillian." His voice was raspy, ever so slightly slurred with alcohol.

Her eyes roamed over him, noting exhaustion but little else. "I just wanted to stop by and check on you. I was a little worried."

"Why?"

She blinked. "Why what?"

"Why now? You didn't seem overly concerned earlier." A coldness had crept into his eyes. The neutral expression was slipping into anger.

Wincing inwardly, she made herself look directly at him. "I'm sorry Cal. You know I care. I just - " She suddenly felt awkward.

"Did Helen say something to you?" He cocked his head to the side.

Gillian didn't say anything. Didn't really know what to say.

"She did, didn't she?" He moved closer, not breaking eye contact. "What did she say?" His voice was very low, almost dangerous.

She bit her lip, decided to be honest. "Helen made some…. assumptions about our relationship."

One brow twitched slightly upward. "Not the first time that's happened, luv, is it? What else did she say?"

"She said that you weren't one for the long haul."

Confusion settled in his features for just a moment before being replaced with something else. It was fleeting, gone before she could identify it.

"Ironic, isn't it?" The anger had left his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Gill – I was only one in hundreds when it comes to Helen. And she's warning _you_ about _me_?"

"Well…yeah." She felt a bit flustered, noting the growing amusement on Cal's face.

He watched the blush spread across her face, decided to add to it. "Why would it matter to you anyway, darlin'? What long haul would she be referring to? Aren't we just partners who happen to be friends?"

She was boxed into a corner, literally (her back was pressed against the wall) and figuratively. His face was inches from hers, waiting. Gillian opened her mouth to say something but couldn't figure what that something would be. She quickly closed it.

With a smile playing upon his lips, Cal let her off the hook. He stepped back and strided toward the kitchen. "Want something to eat? I'm not really up to cooking but I have an extensive list of phone numbers for take out places."

She hadn't realized that she'd been holding her breath. She let it out slowly, feeling her knees tremble slightly. He was right. Why did Helen's comment get under her skin so much? After just a moment, she shakily followed him.

**(BREAK)**

An hour later, they were eating Chinese food in front of the t.v. The news was on but neither one really paid any attention. Gillian had kicked off her heels and was curled on the couch, feet folded beneath her, while Cal sprawled at the other end. They ate in silence, both lost in their own quiet reflections.

A moment later, a story about the arrest of a young man blared across the screen. Both startled, Gillian cast a long look at Cal. His jaw clenched and unclenched as he stared at the television, breath becoming slightly ragged. A slight sheen of sweat appeared on his forehead.

Gillian hit the 'off' button on the remote. Fresh guilt poured through her as she observed him. "I'm so sorry Cal." Tears threatened at the corner of her eyes.

"Bastard still owes me $200." A whisper with a hint of forced bravado.

She scooted closer and gently wrapped her arms around him. He stiffened initially at the contact but gradually relaxed into her embrace. "I'm so sorry. I didn't see what you saw but I should have given you the benefit of the doubt." Her tears started to fall. "I'm so very sorry." She pressed her lips against his temple as his head lolled against her shoulder. Holding him felt right, even with the unspoken acknowledgement that _she_ was usually the one on the receiving end.

"Is this the long haul Gillian?" He sat up straighter, pulling out of her arms but meeting her eyes. "You're always there for me, even when your good sense says otherwise."

He watched the tears trail down her face, before reaching over and wiping a few gently away. "What do you say, luv?"

Gillian wasn't exactly sure what he was asking her. She scrutinized him, taking in the weathered but handsome face, the stubble that frequently adorned his cheeks and those deep hazel eyes that tended to shift in color depending on his mood. Right now they had settled into a warm brown. A _loving_ brown.

Her breath caught, her own feelings twisting into confusion. _Why had Helen's comment bothered her so much?_ Because she was terrified that it could be true.

As she stared at him, she wondered where her faith should lie. This wonderful, outrageous, maddening but loving man that she's known for 7 years or the ex-lover of same said man. Feeling suddenly lightheaded, she giggled at the absurdity of the dilemma.

It was now Cal's turn to be confused. "Gill?" He started to say something more but was silenced with a searing kiss. His eyes widened briefly before succumbing to the wonderful sensation. His arms wrapped around her waist and she pushed harder into him, her hands firm but gentle in his hair. He fell backward into the couch cushions, Gillian perched upon his chest. The kiss broke as they stared at one another, breathing hard.

Her hair framed her face as she stared down at him, blue eyes sparkling. "You know that I just might love you Dr. Lightman."

He reached up, pushing her hair behind one ear. "Aren't you afraid?" His voice was barely a breath, but his fingers continued to play gently with her hair. "Or are you done being afraid?" It was almost a challenge.

"Are _you_?"

Cal shifted, allowing her body to nestle between him and the back of the couch. One small hand rested upon his chest, right over his heart as he cradled her to him. "Terrified, luv."

She looked up at him. "Why?"

"Because I love you too damned much."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Decided to step back and revisit one of my favorite one shots to test the water with a possible expansion. I'm a little fearful of writing the same thing over and over again in different stories. Hopefully I can avoid it. We'll see how it goes.**_

* * *

><p>He looked just as shocked at his admission as she felt. She watched as his expression shifted. <em>Was that regret<em>? Whatever it was, it was fleeting and quickly tucked away. Now he just appeared conflicted. She wasn't really sure if that was any better.

Helen's comments weren't _completely_ off the mark but things weren't that cut and dried. Cal was much too complicated for that. Loss throughout his life had marked him significantly and fear of attachment wasn't unusual. She just wondered if he'd ever be able to put it behind him. Her own declaration of love now made her feel exceptionally exposed and vulnerable.

"You didn't mean to say that." Gillian's voice was quiet as she fought to keep out any indication of hurt. It wasn't a question.

_Damnit_. He didn't want Helen to be right. She wasn't. She couldn't be. "I, uh…"

"You're not just saying it to get in my pants are you?" She let him off the hook and adopted a teasing tone as he looked at her in horror.

Cal stared at her intently. "I would never do that. Not to you."

"Oh, so you're used the line before."

"Darlin', I've never _had_ to make any such promises." Relief swept through him as they settled back into flirt mode.

"You certainly have a large ego."

"Well, you've always known _that_."

Their position suddenly seemed awkward, inappropriate. Gillian pushed off of him and reverted to a sitting position and he slowly followed suit. The loss of warmth was evident to both of them. It was instantly missed. Cal inwardly cursed himself. _What the hell was the matter with him?_ This amazing beautiful woman was in love with him and he'd completely dropped the ball. Where could they go from here? It's not like his confession could be unsaid. Everything was now out in the open and he felt himself instinctively pulling away into his protective little shell. _Shit! Shit! Shit!_

Gillian got to her feet and started gathering her things. "Maybe I'd better go."

Words failed him. He didn't want her to go, but couldn't bring himself to articulate it. Cal got up and hovered uncertainly.

She gave him a smile, doing her best to brush off her perceived indignity. "I'm just glad you're okay." With that, she was heading for the door a little faster than what she normally would.

"Gillian…?"

Turning, she raised an eyebrow in question.

"See you Monday?"

A fragment of disappointment threaded through her features. "Sure Cal." And then she was gone and he was left staring at a closed door. All he had to do was follow her out to the car and stop her. It wouldn't be that hard. Really it wouldn't.

At least for most people.

And Cal wasn't most people.

Instead, he grabbed his Scotch and tossed one back. And another and yet another for good measure. The warmth of the liquid did nothing but make him unsteady and muddled. Anger at himself flared up and he pitched the glass into the fireplace with an ineffectual crash. He still didn't feel better after his burst of violence and stood still, breathing heavily. When he did decide to move, the culmination of alcohol resulted in his getting tangled in his own legs and taking a header into the carpet. He just barely missed the coffee table and some part of his brain was thankful for that but he now didn't have the energy to get up despite the sting of rug burn against his cheek.

Two things leaked into his mind before he fell asleep: _thank God Emily isn't home _and_ I am the biggest wanker on the face of the planet._

_**(BREAK)**_

Now that she was away from him, she allowed the tears to fall. _Why was she so stupid?_ She should have _never_ been so open with him. Her lapse of judgment could have devastating repercussions. But despite _everything_, she _did_ love him and it wasn't like she could or would even be willing to turn it off.

_Damnit_! Why did things have to be so complicated? But then, that was Cal. Look the word 'complex' up in the dictionary and they'd probably have his picture.

She wiped tears away with the heel of her hand as she drove. A light rain had made the streets slick and she was trying to be mindful but it was so damned hard.

_Where do they go from here? _What had been said couldn't be unsaid and she now dreaded Monday with a passion. How could she _possibly_ face him? Her only hope would be a full caseload that could conceivably help keep things at least somewhat professional.

The sudden realization of taillights in front of her had her stomping on her brakes and clutching the steering wheel, heart suddenly making the leap into her throat. The car slid forward as Gillian held her breath, eyes wide; face a mask of tension and panic.

Her Volvo came to a halt a half an inch away from the Blazer in front of her. Her knuckles were white and aching and a moment later, she remembered to breath. Traffic slowly picked up again.

She couldn't keep doing this. It was official. She was now a blubbering mess and it was directly tied to Cal and he was clueless as to how to resolve the situation. She would have to be the one. A few days away to clear her head and then she'd have to start making some serious decisions.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Thoughts? Should I pursue this thread or is it incongruous with the first chapter?<strong>_


	3. Chapter 3

Cal awoke with the feeling of needles poking out from behind his eyes and a mouth that tasted like an old gym sock. He slowly rolled onto his back before realizing he was still lying in the middle of his living room floor, cuddling with the coffee table. He didn't immediately get up, briefly hoping for death or at least a coma for the next two days. When neither one occurred, he grudgingly pushed himself into a sitting position and waited until his furniture stopped swooshing around him.

"Fuck." His body ached horribly and for a moment he couldn't remember why. Booze generally didn't make him feel bruised and battered on the outside, only on the inside. Oh wait. Bar fight. Because he'd gone trolling for trouble to get his mind off the whole almost dying thing, he'd jumped in to protect a barfly's virtue. Scary leathery woman, fake blond, fake breasts…probably fake everything. Nonetheless she shouldn't have had to put up with the oafish redneck pawing at her. How was _he_ supposed to know that they were engaged and she got off on the rough stuff? Well, that wasn't completely true. He'd suspected but if he'd been sober, he would have _known_. _Idiot_.

Grabbing onto the edge of the coffee table, he started to pull himself up before sitting back down heavily as another vivid and exceptionally painful memory whipped into his consciousness. _Gillian_. Air left his lungs is a loud whoosh as misery wrapped around him and squeezed tightly. _Fuck._

Staring down at his bruised knuckles, he tried to push her face out of his head. The sweet smile and loving gaze that had morphed into confusion and hurt right before his eyes. She'd practically hit the ground running to get away from him. He had wanted to stop her but couldn't make his body obey. And then she was gone. Who could blame her? She'd come to see him out of guilt initially. That had been apparent. But things had shifted and everything hidden had surfaced and what had he done? He'd panicked and fucked it up. _Maybe beyond repair._ That thought was agony to contemplate.

The passage of time was evidenced by the shifting of the sun through his blinds and the steady ticking of the mantle clock. He finally pulled himself up only when his bladder threatened to burst and practically crawled upstairs on hands and knees. For the hundredth time, he thanked whatever deity of choice that Emily was with her mum this weekend. He'd called her yesterday after the FBI had saved his ass and before he'd had it kicked just to let her know that he was okay.

Being okay was relative.

He knew what he had to do, but he'd do it after taking care of his nature call and subjecting himself to a scalding shower followed by a hypothermia inducing one. Not exactly a hangover cure but he might be thinking a bit more clearly afterward.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian was up early after a restless night. The pain was still raw, but she still had every intention of taking a few days to clear her head and hopefully to come up with some kind of plan of attack. It was amazing. They'd always had their self-imposed line to protect them personally but now not only had it been obliterated, they had nothing to show for it.

She stopped a moment in her hasty packing and held onto the sides of the suitcase, her head dipping as she squeezed her eyes shut against threatening tears. His face had been so open, all guard dropped as he completely shared his truth. His lips had been so soft and tender, further convincing her of his sincerity. And then he'd practically tucked his tail between his legs and gone yipping off into the sunset. It made her want to scream.

Returning to her packing, she rubbed her damp eyes briefly against the heel on her hand before shutting the case with an audible snap and pulling it off the bed. The cab would arrive any moment for her trip to the airport. The solitude that awaited her would be exactly what she needed. At least that was the hope.

A dear friend had offered use of her and her husband's seasonal cottage on Bald Head Island just off the coast of North Carolina. Gillian had never been there but it sounded absolutely wonderful. Ferry service. No cars, only bikes, golf cart and such. She couldn't help but feel a wave of excitement and in that moment, thoughts of Cal were pushed to the back of her mind.

_**(BREAK) **_

Cal almost called her at least a half a dozen times. Mostly it had consisted of picking up the phone and looking at it. Once he'd actually hit her number but ended the call before it even had a chance to ring.

He knew he was being a coward and the thought brought a twisted mix of shame and anger. If it had to do with anything else, _anything_, he'd be there ready to confront, ready to tear apart if necessary. But not with this. She was his Achilles Heel. Well, one of them at least. Fortunately he hadn't managed to muck up his relationship with the other one. Speaking of which, Emily was going to be pissed when she found out that he'd pushed Gillian away. It was hard to hide anything from that one. He let out a sigh and dropped onto the couch, still clutching his phone.

Jaw jutting out purposefully, his finger found her number once again. This time he didn't hang up, opting to bring it to his ear, albeit, hesitantly.

It went right to voice mail.

_Shit._

Maybe he should just drive over there and grovel.

She might very well commit homicide if he did that. Gillian had access to all kinds of sharp objects and so forth. She even had one or two cast iron skillets. Yummy meals and home protection in one.

He might be willing to take the risk.

Instead he called again, feeling slightly more emboldened. The result was the same.

If he hadn't been such an arse, it was possible, maybe not probable, but possible, she'd be with him right now. _Damnit all to hell!_

Without permitting another thought, he grabbed his coat and keys and headed out the front door.


	4. Chapter 4

He pulled his car next to hers, cut the engine and sat wondering if this was the best course of action. What if he'd permanently sabotaged their relationship? What if there was no rectifying the situation? The thought twisted his heart painfully. If that happened, he really had no idea how he'd cope. Not having Gillian in his life was unthinkable, but at the same time, wasn't it possible that it _might_ be in _her_ best interest? Was he still being a selfish bastard by pursuing this?

Pounding his steering wheel, he winced at the pain in his bruised knuckles. _Okay, you tosser. Time to shit or get off the pot._ Deciding that he was, in fact a selfish bastard, Cal pushed the door open and climbed out. He paused briefly en route to her front door to rest his hand on the hood of her car. Cold. Well, she'd been home all morning at the very least. He finished crossing the driveway to connect with the path that led to her front entry, hesitated only briefly before ringing the doorbell.

No response.

He gave the door a couple of good raps. "Gillian. Please. We need to talk!"

There was still nothing. No slip of a footstep, no creak of her wooden floor and definitely no instructions on what he could currently do with himself. Now he was starting to panic. Sweat began to bead by his hairline as his heart accelerated. _What if something was wrong? What if she'd been injured…or worse?_

Not even aware that he'd begun chanting the single word 'please' over and over, he pulled out his key ring and singled out the spare that she'd given him when she'd first moved into the little house. Unlocking the door, he stepped into the entry. "Gillian? Luv?"

Uneasy silence settled around him as he quietly crept deeper into Gillian's home. His heart thundered painfully as he moved through the kitchen, noting the single cereal bowl, spoon and glass that had been carelessly discarded. _She rarely ever_ _left dishes in the sink_. Her purse wasn't sitting on the bar or on the foyer table either, which was unusual as well. Heading down the hall, he peeked into the guest room quickly before stepping into the master, feeling fear for her but slightly awkward at the same time. The bed was made, but the top dresser drawer was slightly ajar. Peering inside, it seemed that the carefully folded undergarments were in slight disarray, almost like she'd grabbed a number of items hastily. His heart slowed and began to sink. With resolution, Cal stepped to her walk in closet and pulled the door open. One of her suitcases was gone.

_**(BREAK)**_

Her lips tasted salty as the ocean air pushed her hair back from her smooth brow. In the distance Gillian could see the fast approaching island and with it brought a calm that she hadn't felt in quite a while.

Someone named Russell was supposed to be meeting her at the marina. Her friend, Colette, had contacted her realtor to meet Gillian and see her back to the cottage. All she knew was that he was tall, blond and cute. In light of everything, it felt good to be a little giddy about it and, for the moment, she was able to bury persistent thoughts of Cal. After her emotional crash and burn yesterday, a little frivolity was something she was looking forward to. _She deserved it damnit._

He'd tried to call her twice. Her breath had stilled and her insides clenched when she saw the two missed calls, but she didn't want to talk to him right now. She needed to clear her head, not confuse it further.

The pitch of the engines changed as the ferry slowly approached the dock. It had been a very short ride, not even a half and hour. She'd spent time in the Pacific Northwest and ferry rides weren't anything new. The BC ferry she'd taken to Victoria years before dwarfed this tiny boat with room for cars and tractor-trailers. That ride had also been decidedly longer.

A few minutes later she was off the boat, walking up the dock in the direction of the small terminal to get her bag. Procedures were not unlike an airport interestingly enough. After she'd retrieved her suitcase she turned and collided with the tall blond man standing directly behind her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Gillian blushed as she looked up at him. He was easily 6'2" with slightly leathery features, blond hair that seamlessly merged into gray and midnight blue eyes. She pegged him at about 6 or 7 years older than she. His eyes crinkled even more when he smiled showing even white teeth.

"No harm done." He looked at her more closely. "You wouldn't be Gillian by chance would you?"

"Russell?"

"That would be me." Extending a hand, he engulfed hers. His handshake was firm, palm dry. "Very nice to me you. I'm thankful that Colette gave me such an accurate description otherwise I'd be roaming aimlessly and looking pretty silly."

"Glad to meet you." She gently removed her hand from his grasp, wondering what precisely Colette had said about her.

"How long are you planning to stay on the island?" He leaned over and took her bag.

"Just for the week."

"I see." Russell led her out of the small building and directly to a golf cart parked by the curb. He placed her suitcase in the back. "Have you visited before?"

"No, actually I haven't but I know Colette and Jim spend whatever extra time they have here. Seems very peaceful."

"Oh, that it is." He waved her into the passenger seat before slipping behind the steering wheel. "Mostly a nature preserve but we have a nice golf course and lovely restaurants. It's a great place to unwind – not to sound like an advertisement or anything!"

"Seems quite lovely." Gillian gaze darted everywhere, liking the marina and the beautiful little shops. It was true – not a car in sight. "Do you live here year round?"

"I do. Lived a lot of different places, but when I first came here, I instantly fell in love. I have plans to grow old and die here."

Gillian had never had that feeling about anywhere she'd lived. She wasn't sure if she should envy him or pity him.

He expertly guided the little golf cart through the narrow streets before heading a half-mile or so away from the marina and coming to stop in front of an adorable little two-story traditional cottage. "Colette and Jim were here a couple of months ago, but I walked through this morning to just make sure there weren't any issues." Russell grabbed her bag and walked up the path. Gillian had to practically jog to keep up with his long strides. Unlocking the door, he pushed it open before stepping aside to allow her in first. "Sheets in the master are clean, um, I didn't know exactly what you would like but I made sure there are some staples in the fridge and pantry. There's a small market within walking distance naturally if there's anything else you need." He left the suitcase in the entry and moved into the living room with purpose before grabbing the curtains and pulling them open.

The most stunning view met her appreciative stare. Just off the large deck, white sand, tall wheat colored grass growing in patches and the sun glistening off the steady rise and fall of the ocean.

"Beautiful." She now stood beside him.

"Sure are. I mean, it sure is." Russell cleared his throat. "Well, I have an appointment shortly, so I'll, um, leave you to it." Pulling his wallet from the pocket of his Bermuda shorts, he presented her with a business card. "If there's anything you need or, heaven forbid, if there's a problem, please do not hesitate to call."

She took the card between her fingers and smiled up at him. "Thank you very much. I appreciate your trouble."

"No trouble at all."

Gillian was already moving toward the sliding glass door connecting the house to the deck as Russell lingered for just a few extra moments, his eyes drinking in this gorgeous woman. _It was time to leave. He had an appointment with the Federmans'. They were jerks with entitlement issues but the commission he made off their rentals made them a little easier to deal with. _She seemed sad and he was intrigued. Russell took a step forward before coming to his senses. Turning heel, he made for the front door, making a mental note to drop by tomorrow.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Should I continue? Or is everyone indifferent? Just a little curious. <strong>_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thanks for all the reviews and encouragement. You guys rock. :-)**_

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><p>Cal arrived at the Lightman Group knowing, from a logical perspective, that Gillian would not be there but hoping for the opposite nonetheless.<p>

"Dr. Lightman?" Heidi hailed him from reception as he swung by. "Dr. Foster left a message saying that she was taking some personal time."

He stared at her for a moment, hope all but fluttering and dying. "Did she say how long?"

"Um, she didn't say either way."

Cal grunted. "Lovely." The one word dripped with sarcasm, effectively covering the hurt.

"Dr. Lightman?"

He raised his brows.

"Are you okay?" She took a step from behind the counter, eyes concerned. Apparently his misadventure with Martin the sociopath had spread through his business quite quickly.

Giving a curt nod, he quickly softened it with a "Yeah luv," before escaping to his office.

_She left a bloody message. Didn't even want to talk to him_. The feeling of sorrow began to edge itself in anger. Taking a deep breath, he allowed it to blossom, which was so much better than feeling sorry for himself. His teeth began to clench as he felt his blood pressure surge. Now he just needed someone to take it out on.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian found a folding chaise lounge in the little storage shed just off the deck and proceeded to park herself just a few feet from the lapping of the waves. She stretched out with a light throw across her legs since the morning breeze was a little chilly, cup of coffee and book in hand. The only things she could hear were the sound of the ocean and the chatter of seagulls. Lacking all the familiar sounds of the city made it seem like she was in some kind of vacuum. It wouldn't be hard to get used to.

She'd skipped the romance and opted for a mystery instead. Naturally at the introduction of the 'ruggedly handsome' police detective, she knew it was going to skirt the line. Hopefully the heinous murder would offset the love interest.

When the same detective was described as having intelligent, hazel eyes, Gill felt herself still as her own blue ones drifted from the page to the rise and fall of the ocean. _Maybe she should at least text him._ He'd already received the message of her personal time, no doubt, through Heidi or Anna. When she had decided to call, she couldn't bring herself to talk to him directly, instead choosing to do so surreptitiously. Guilt nipped at her once again for her cowardice. _Was she really blaming him for being the person he was? Was that fair? _Of course she had hoped that he'd be able to meet her half way at the very least, but was he really capable of it? His admission had just slipped out which made it, in a way, much more sincere. But it had also scared the hell out of him. _God, why did everything have to be so complicated?_

Turning back to her book, she immediately became absorbed in the tense plot, grimacing at the vivid descriptions and unconsciously biting her cheek. She didn't even notice the tall shadow that approached.

"Hi there!"

Gillian inadvertently squawked, jumping and almost knocking her coffee from the cup holder.

Russell gave his own gasp of surprise and took a quick step back. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's alright." Her voice was slightly breathless. The killer in her novel had been stalking his latest victim and she'd allowed herself to be caught off guard. She blinked up at him, hand up to block the sun.

"Good book?"

"Apparently so." A smile crossed her features as her breath and heart slowed. "I'm sorry. I didn't hear you." She giggled in embarrassment as he chuckled with her. His laughter was a pleasant low baritone.

"I guess we succeeded in scaring the heck out of one another."

"Mission accomplished." Sitting up, she stuck her bookmark at the proper page and looked at him expectantly.

Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, Russell cleared his throat. "I thought I'd drop by and check in with you. See if you needed anything."

"I'm okay actually, but thank you."

He nodded but didn't move. "Have you had the chance to see "Old Baldy?"

"Pardon?" She frowned up at him.

"I'm sorry. The old lighthouse. Oldest in North Carolina as a matter of fact."

"No, not yet."

"Would you like to go check it out? I could show you around the island as well. If you'd like, that is." _He _never_ felt this awkward with women. What was it about this one? _

She seemed a little indecisive. _He wondered if she already had someone special. But if that were the case, why would she be here alone? _

"That would be nice. Thank you."

Russell blinked in surprise before his grin split his face. "Wonderful. Why don't I swing back by in an hour and we could have an early lunch before we tackle all the stairs of the lighthouse?"

"Sure. Russell?"

"Hmmm?"

"How many steps?"

"A little over a hundred."

"Oh." Thank God for yoga and swimming. "That sounds like fun. I'll see you in a little bit then?"

"You bet." Still grinning, he turned and headed back up the beach. _Take care of a few errands and back to Gillian. He was looking forward to it._

Gillian shifted to watch him. Tall, handsome, blond and genuinely sweet. Kind of like a younger Robert Redford. What's not to like? She let out a sigh, pushing back guilt. It was just a friendly outing with a very nice man. There was nothing to feel guilty about…right?

_**(BREAK)**_

She allowed herself a long, leisurely shower before blow drying her hair and dressing casually in capris and a scoop neck tee.

True to his word, Russell arrived exactly an hour later. "Ready for some fun?" He offered an arm to her, which she gladly took, noting how solid he felt but trying not to.

"Absolutely."

"We're off then." He led her out to his little golf cart, which Gillian found amusing and quaint despite herself. As if reading her thoughts, he gave a rueful smile. "I'd open the door for you but, alas, there is no door. Welcome to island life." He held her elbow as she climbed in regardless.

He made a u-turn and headed back up the little street. "So Gillian, what do you do?"

"What did Colette tell you?"

"Not much. Just that she had a dear friend that needed to get away for a bit." He fought a smile. "And that you're very pretty."

Gillian blushed to her roots." Thank you. But did she say anything else?"

Russell gave her a sideways glance to find her smiling. "Um, why? Should I be frightened?"

"No. Well, maybe." The smile hadn't faded.

"Okay, you have me extremely curious now."

"I'm a psychologist."

"Huh. Okay. But why do I feel like I'm still missing something though?"

"I'm a psychologist who works with the leading expert in deception detection."

Russell digested for a moment. "Wait a minute. Are you saying that you can spot people who are lying?"

"Yup." She watched him, always amused at reactions. His face went through a myriad of expressions but none of them were particularly negative.

"Well, I guess I'm going to need to watch my P's & Q's, huh?"

"You'd better." Her voice was teasing and she could see the slight tension in his shoulders ease.

"Okay then. Lunch now. Old Baldy next. And I promise to tell the truth about questionable menu items and duplicitous sea turtles."


	6. Chapter 6

Cal slumped in his chair, anger spent while Loker eyed him warily.

"Holy crap Lightman."

Rolling his head, Cal regarded him stoically, noting the younger man's steadily increasing discomfort and enjoying it in a slightly sadistic way. He'd purposely refrained from taking out his anger on his employees, knowing that Gillian would frown on it. Cal was trying to be better.

"I mean, he probably needed to go change his shorts." Eli swallowed, thinking it was probably time to shut up.

Lightman had been vicious in the cube but oddly reticent with everyone else and Loker wasn't sure if he should perceive it as the eye of the storm or not. His boss' issues had Foster written all over them but Eli wasn't about to say it out loud. Radical honesty was fine…unless it led to getting your ass kicked.

"Had it coming." Cal was up and out before he could receive any kind of response.

Loker and Torres exchanged a long look. "Is it me or is he acting weird?"

She flicked an eyebrow and smirked. "You mean more than usual?"

_**(BREAK) **_

Locking himself in his study, Cal poured a little scotch and dropped onto his couch. Gillian hadn't attempted any kind of contact and the ache in his chest was slowly getting worse. Maybe it was time to try again. Maybe she _wanted_ him to come looking for her. Of course if he even _was_ able to track her down, there was no guarantee that she'd welcome him with open arms and heart. She might just tell him to go to hell and give precise directions.

Cal took a sip, enjoying the burning in his throat but knowing that it would be his only one today. His weekend excess was something he didn't intend to repeat any time soon.

He could always just make some subtle inquiries…just to make sure she was okay of course. But then again that could still result in one seriously pissed of Gill and that was the last thing he wanted. _God, he wished he knew what the right thing to do was_.

One thing he did know was how good it felt to have her in his arms. He could remember her scent, the feel of her lips on his and the spark that they both felt. And then he could also remember the panic seizing his insides when he'd told her he loved her. He honestly hadn't meant to say it but there it was. But she'd said it first. Despite all his idiosyncrasies, she loved him, which was almost awe inspiring. If she was willing to give it a go, why wasn't he? _Because she was much too good for him. She could do better_. The little voice inside him was relentless_. _Regardless, she was a grown woman and had a right to her own mind. _Who was he to say she was wrong?_

Annoyed with his constant mind loop, he pulled his phone from his pocket and once again toyed with it, debating. Wouldn't hurt to call again would it? One of three things could occur: no answer, she'd hang up on him (worst case scenario) or she'd actually talk to him. What did he have to lose?

He slid the phone open with his thumb, before sliding it closed and repeating. _Fucking coward._ Very little scared him. Loss of his daughter and loss of Gillian were the top two. The only two.

Opening the phone again, he decided to send a short text. Just to let her know that he was thinking about her despite the fact that he was an idiot.

_**(BREAK)**_

They'd climbed the lighthouse (108 steps) and she was pleased that she was able to beat Russell to the top. Despite his slender frame, he'd been huffing and sweating when he finally caught up to her.

"Are you okay?" Her blue eyes were filled with concern.

"I think… it's time… I got back… to the… gym." He smiled between his gasps. "Feeling... a bit like... an old man here."

"Oh please!" She flashed a smile and moved to take it the view. It was a small island, caught between the Atlantic and Cape Fear River. Very bucolic and very beautiful.

He took a moment to get his breath and heart rate under control but he also subtly watched Gillian. She had the enthusiasm of a child tempered with the same sadness that he'd noticed before. He wondered what the odds were that she'd allow him close to enough to help sooth her past hurts. Shaking his head, he tried to dispel other invading thoughts. _They'd only just met two days ago for crying out loud! _Still…

"Well, if nothing else, I just burned off lunch." He regretted the burger. Should have gone for the shrimp salad like Gillian.

She turned to smile at him once again before gazing off toward the marshes, eyes suddenly distant. Her plans were to return at the end of the week, for better or for worse. She had no idea how Cal would react. Would he be angry at her disappearance? Possibly. But then again, it was kind of his own damned fault. _Here we go again…_

A sigh escaped her as she noticed Russell observing her out of the corner of her eye. His expression was relaxed and open. He was very clearly attracted to her as she was to him, but she didn't want to lead him on. She couldn't stay here. _Could she_? She was still getting to know all about him but from an emotional standpoint, he was an easy read. Uncomplicated. She could definitely use a little bit of 'uncomplicated' in her life.

"Gillian?" His voice was soft and it slowly occurred to her that he had called her name several times.

"Hmmm…?"

"You ready for our next stop?"

"Um, sure, where to?"

Russell grinned.

_**(BREAK)**_

As promised, he showed her around the island, narrating the whole time, enjoying playing the tour guide before they grabbed a light dinner and he took her back to the cottage.

"Did you want to go swimming tomorrow?"

Gillian looked a little dubious. "Seems like the water would be a little on the chilly side."

"True. True. But we have heated pools at the rec clubs. They're kind of a meeting place for locals and guests to just hang out, swim, play tennis, eat. That kind of thing."

"Do _you_ play tennis?"

Russell instantly felt suspicious. "A little. Why? You're not going to tell me you used to be a professional player in another life?"

"Professional? No, nothing to worry about there."

He'd walked her to the door, hoping that she'd invite him in but not wanting to push.

"Bet you're good though. You wouldn't be grinning like that if you weren't."

"I can hold my own."

"Which translates into 'I will wipe the court with you!'"

"You could always find out tomorrow."

"Dr. Foster, are you inviting me on a Tennis date?"

Gillian's smile almost faltered but she caught it in time. "Maybe." She knew she was starting to play a dangerous game but couldn't help herself. "Did you want to come in for a drink?"


	7. Chapter 7

Gillian slipped through the doorway, pausing only to drop her clutch on the small coffee table. "I'm sorry. I don't really have any 'drink' drinks but I did brew up some iced tea."

Shutting the door quietly behind him, Russell gave a grin. "That sounds fine." He awkwardly hovered for a moment before just dropping himself in the corner of the couch.

She stepped out of the kitchen with two glasses and offered him one. "Peach."

"Perfect."

Curling her legs under her, Gillian settled at the opposite end of the couch to sip her tea. "So, what prompted you to ditch the mainland for this sleepy little island?"

"What? You don't like it?"

"I do. But it's a far cry from the big city."

Taking a breath, Russell affixed his dark blue eyes on Gillian's. "I guess I just got tired of the stress. Used to be in advertising and it really is dog eat dog. That, and a bad marriage and I was ready for something different. I brought my son here years ago at a friend's suggestion and well, like I said before, fell in love with the place."

"How old is your son?" She tilted her head curiously.

"Going to be 23 this fall." Russell gave a little shrug. "Unfortunately we don't speak as much as I'd like. He's in New York right now, trying to catch his big break."

"Actor?"

"Musician."

"Ah."

"Yeah, he's still in that idealistic stage." Russell took a moment and downed half his tea, before thoughtfully wiping through the condensation on the glass with his thumb.

"Not a bad place to be. World comes crushing down sooner than we'd care to admit."

"True enough. What about you? You have any kids? Seems like you should."

Gillian felt herself inwardly cringe but kept her expression neutral. "No, I don't."

"That's a shame."

His response was meant to be a compliment, just an observation that she would have a lot to pass on to children. She knew this, but it stung nonetheless. Some things you just never get used to.

"Are you okay?" Russell leaned forward, concern flashing in his eyes. "I'm sorry. Did I say something wrong?"

"No, no." She hadn't realized her hurt had been evident. "You're fine."

Watching her, he waited for some kind of explanation but when none was forthcoming, he moved on. "So, what brought you down to the island? Just a get away? Bet there's a hell of a lot of stress in your line of work, right?"

_You have no idea_. Thoughts of work brought thoughts of Cal. _What was he_ _doing right now? Ripping their staff a new one? Eating beans on toast? Looking for her?_ How would she react if he did show up here? She honestly had no idea. Of course the likelihood of that was remote – up until Saturday morning, _she_ didn't even know where she was going. He wasn't familiar with every single one of her friends so he couldn't exactly track Colette down and badger the truth from her.

"Anyone home?" Russell's gentle chiding finally reached her ears.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Must have zoned out." Shame flickered in her at her situation. Here she was with one man while thinking of another. "You're right. The job can be quite stressful. Some cases are worse than others of course."

"I can imagine. You said you worked for the leading deception expert in the field?"

"Actually, I work _with_ him. We're partners."

"I see." She could feel his eyes on her, trying to gauge the word partner and what it might mean. Gillian didn't give any indication, not quite sure herself these days.

"There was just a particularly grueling case that turned out to be a bit of a wake up call. I guess I needed some time to myself to sort some things out."

"That sounds mysterious."

"I don't mean it to be. Just imagine working in a place where everyone can read everyone else's emotions. We all _try_ not to, but it's inevitable." She sipped some more of her tea.

Russell grimaced. "Wow. That must be rough."

"Can be."

"Well, just know that I'm a huge fan of the spoken word…for better or for worse. Not a perfect system I realize."

"Nothing is."

She watched as he moved next to her, debating whether she should put a stop to this or not. She loved Cal, so what the hell was she doing? But would he _ever_ be able to get past his own demons to meet her part way? She shouldn't have to spend her life alone while he got himself together, right? Russell was sweet, attractive and obviously wanted her. But then again, he had to have baggage too. They all did. At least Cal's was out on display for her, as battered and worn as it was.

Before she had time to debate it any longer, Russell's lips were on hers and she actually found herself kissing him back.

_**(BREAK) **_

She hadn't responded to his simple three-word text.

Maybe she hadn't picked it up. Maybe he had just screwed things up to the point of her not even caring anymore.

The phone rang while in his palm and he startled, daring to hope.

Caller ID determined it was Emily.

As pleased as he always was to speak to his daughter, Cal couldn't help but feel the disappointment exacerbate that persistent ache in his chest.

"Hey Em, what's goin' on?"

Long pause. "Um, I was wondering if you were coming home eventually. I made dinner tonight."

Eek. "Yeah, I'm headin' out in a minute. To what do I owe this culinary honor?"

"I just…get the impression that you've been a bit down and thought I could do something to, I don't know, make you feel better."

Oh joy. Dry chicken and overdone broccoli. But prepared and served with love. "Thanks darlin'. I'll be home soon."

Cal hung up and proceeded to sit in the darkness of his office for a few moments longer. Everyone else was gone. The day had slipped by with the entire staff tiptoeing around him or giving wide berth. They clearly believed he was on the verge of some epic explosion. For a change, they were wrong.

Pulling himself up, he stretched, feeling his vertebrae pop, before grabbing his coat. Nothing more to be done here tonight. His rounds in the cube had been cathartic but the euphoria hadn't lasted long. Now he just felt empty. He missed her.


	8. Chapter 8

His kiss was gentle, tender and full of hope…but the hope was all his. With another flair of guilt, she realized that this wasn't what she wanted. She thought of the electricity, the sense of connection she had shared with Cal and this wasn't even close. This was warm and pleasant but lacked the sense of coming home.

Russell backed off immediately, eyes confused, concerned. "I'm sorry. Did I overstep?"

Closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose. "No Russell, I'm the one that should be sorry." She looked back up at him, trying to figure out a way to let him down without appearing to be a complete bitch. She wasn't sure if it was possible. "I've really enjoyed your company but I'm not being fair to you."

The warmth in his face disappeared. Now she just saw a disappointed but resigned man holding a tiny point of anger.

"There's someone else."

Gillian took a deep breath. "Yes, no, maybe? I can't even describe it. I just know that he's very dear to me."

"So where do I fit in?" There was an edge to his voice that she hadn't noticed before. Not that she could blame him.

"I thought I could move on I suppose. This was kind of what this little trip was about. But…I…can't." She let out a breath. "It's just so complicated."

"He has quite a hold on you."

She was quiet for long moment, feeling tears sting her eyes. "I suppose he does. I'm so sorry Russell." Looking up, she expected more anger but there was none. His face still held disappointment but not without compassion.

Reaching over, he gently wiped away an escaping tear. "Well, Gillian. I hope you find what you're looking for. I hope this guy is everything you want and need." Leaning over, his brushed his lips against her cheek before climbing to his feet. "His gain is obviously my loss. I hope he appreciates it."

_I hope so too_.

He stared down at her and watched as she also stood. "I really like you Gillian and I would be lying if I said this didn't hurt a bit. Of course, you'd see that lie anyway wouldn't you?" His smile was sad. "I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that I'm not up for tennis tomorrow?"

Nodding, she couldn't speak. Her emotions were too close to the surface and she'd start crying in earnest.

Russell stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Safe trip home, you hear?"

Nodding again, she watched him turn and leave. He didn't look back.

She stared at the door for what seemed an eternity. Had she just messed up once again? Did she just give up a sincere chance for a shot at stability? Was she now destined to ride Cal's insane roller coaster with him simply because of chemistry? Of course that wasn't all it was. She was in love with him. There was no denying it. And he loved her as well. For most people that would be a pretty secure foundation for a relationship. Most people didn't know Cal.

Stepping back toward the couch, she slumped on the side previously occupied by Russell. Maybe it was time to call. She hadn't even looked at her phone today, having changed it to silent that morning. Grabbing her clutch, she pulled it out. Several missed calls: friends, including Colette, one looked like business but none from Cal. Only one text. _That _one _was_ from Cal. With trembling fingers, she retrieved the message. It was short and to the point and she felt her eyes well up once again.

_Miss you Gill_.

She reread the short message several times. It wasn't a demand (which was what she would have expected if she were being completely honest with herself), nor was it a plea for forgiveness. It was Cal simply stating a fact. And in those simple three words he told her _everything_ she needed to know.

_**(BREAK)**_

Cal had cleared the table and was just finishing loading the dishwasher. He figured that it was the least he could do. Emily had tried so hard to prepare a wonderful meal…and had _almost _succeeded. Her Yorkshire pudding needed a bit of help, but she was getting there.

He started up the dishwasher, wiping his hands on a towel as he exited the kitchen. Great. Now a whole evening alone with his thoughts since Emily apparently had a boatload of homework. Tossing the towel unceremoniously on the bar behind him, he flopped on the couch and grabbed the remote, clicking on the news but not really planning on paying attention. He just wanted the noise. Needed to fill the vacuum.

What were the odds that Gillian would forgive him? It seemed like that was all she ever did. Everyone had a breaking point though. Had she reached hers?

His message tone chirped from his pocket and he had a moment of indecision about whether he wanted to read it or not. It _could_ be from Gillian. Or it could very well be a bloody telemarketer.

Pulling the phone from his pocket, his breath suddenly hitched. _Gillian_. Cal stared for only a moment before tapping 'view.'

_Miss you too_.

He let out his breath in a gush, a smile twitching at the corner of his mouth. He typed out a quick response.

_Even though I'm an ass?_

Gillian smiled at his message, eyes a little too bright. Typical self-deprecating Cal. It was almost a defense mechanism with him when it came to emotions. She tapped at a few keys.

_Yes you are but I've come to accept it._

_ Where are you?_

_ What? So you can party crash?_

_ I would never._

_ Right._

The smile took over his features as he stared at his phone.

_You know me too well._

_ Unfortunately._

_ Mean one you are._

_ Someone has to keep you in line._

_ Big job._

_ Don't I know it._

Part of her wanted him to come down to the island but knew they weren't ready. Flippant texts weren't the same as having a serious discussion. Her stomach curdled at the inevitability of that talk.

_No one else is more qualified. _

Swallowing, she wondered if there was a double meaning in that one and wasn't sure how to respond. She decided not to.

_I'll be heading back soon._

_ Not soon enough._

_ Good night Cal._

_ Good night love._


	9. Chapter 9

Cal slid the phone shut with his thumb, the smile still playing on his lips.

"What's _that_ look?"

He looked up at his daughter who was half way down the stairs. "What's _what_ look?"

"I could be wrong, but I think I might have just seen…drum roll please…a _real_ smile."

He quickly erased any sign of emotion. "Impossible."

"Who's on the phone?" She eyed him suspiciously, trying not to grin.

"Nosy little bugger aren't ya?"

"Mmhm."

"Thought you had homework."

"Finished it."

"So, you've come down to annoy your old man?"

"Talk to Gill?" Emily pushed his legs off the coffee table so she could flop down next to him.

"Why do you think everything has to do with Gillian?"

"Because most of the time it does."

"Cheeky."

"Not sure where I get it. Go figure." She gave an impish smile. "And you're changing the subject."

"And what subject was that?"

"You are so freakin' annoying!" She slapped her father lightly on the arm while his eyes went wide with innocence.

"That there is paternal abuse!" Cal complained, a smile cracking through despite himself.

"There! Ha! I knew it!" She picked up his arm and placed it around her shoulders so she could cuddle into him. "Are you going to spill it?"

"Not much to spill luv."

"But there is something…?"

"Maybe." Cal's voice lowered as he hugged his daughter to him and kissed the top of her head. "She came by last week after…well, she stopped by. Things were said."

"What _kind_ of things?" Emily sat up, staring him in the eye, eyebrows rising expectantly. "Did you tell her you love her?"

"How could you _possibly_ know that?"

"Dad, _everyone_ knows that."

"Bollocks."

"Okay, well maybe not _everyone_."

"Think I'm done talking."

"Dad!"

Cal stared at her intently while she stared back, not in the least bit intimidated by him. Finally he let out a long breath. "We have a long way to go luv. I'm not entirely sure what's going to happen."

"Did you do something to screw things up?"

Opening his mouth, he quickly shut it before opening it again. _How in the hell did he get saddled with such a perceptive kid?_ She was so smart she scared him sometimes. "Hopefully not."

Emily peeked up at him, seeing resignation, but also seeing warmth as he inwardly reflected. Maybe he _was_ on the right track. From what she could see, he was only truly happy when he was with Gillian. She suspected that he was just scared. Her mom had hurt him big time and he didn't want to be hurt again. Emily could hardly blame him. She remembered the fights and how vicious they had gotten. As much as Emily loved her mother, she knew that her mom really knew how to fight dirty. Maybe it was a lawyer thing.

"Want some ice cream?"

Cal snapped out of his reverie. "Huh?"

"Ice cream?"

He started to refuse but changed his mind. What the hell? "What kind do you have in there?"

"Mint Chip."

"Sure. What's a couple more miles on the treadmill?"

"Dad, you don't use a treadmill."

"I imagine it occasionally." He got to his feet and turned to pull his daughter up. "Maybe some day I'll surprise you."

"I look forward to that day."

"_That_ sounded sarcastic."

It was Em's turn to feign innocence.

Cal looped an arm around her, putting her in a loose headlock and kissed her on the crown of the head. "A chip off the old block you are."

"Should I be insulted?" Being one of the few people who knew he was ticklish, her fingers found his ribcage.

Letting go, Cal shrank away. "Eh! None of that!"

They were just entering the kitchen when Cal went still. He slowly turned toward the front room.

"Dad? What's the matter?" Emily stopped as well, confusion knitting across her features.

"Thought I heard-"

The shattering of glass was quickly followed by the sound of rubber spinning on macadam.

"EM! GET DOWN!" Cal pushed the girl forward and covered his only child with his body.

Flames quickly ignited the hard wood floors moments before the intense heat hit them. Cal tried to shield his daughter and quickly scoot them toward the back door. But not fast enough to avoid feeling himself burn.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian had changed into comfy pajamas before plopping back down on the couch and doing some channel surfing.

She had found out that she'd inadvertently lied to Russell. There _were_ 'drink' drinks. A bottle of white wine had been hiding in the back of the fridge. Maybe it was serendipity. But then again, maybe not. Colette and Jim probably just didn't get around to drinking it when they were here last. Oh well. She'd replace it for them tomorrow.

Taking a sip, she stopped the channel surfing when she landed on a film she hadn't seen in years. Snuggling further into the couch, she picked up "Sleepless in Seattle" right when the kid was telling the radio shrink that his dad needed a new wife.

_Maybe she should head home early_. A huge part wanted to but there was another part that was still fearful. The back and forth texts had given her a case of the warm and fuzzies. She really missed him, which was crazy since it hadn't been _that_ long. And of course it hadn't gone well…at least not the latter part. The first part had most definitely gone well. But she was also very aware that Cal was notorious for running hot and cold and that experience was perfect evidence of it. There was no way of knowing how he'd be when they were finally face to face again.

Taking another sip, she eyeballed the bottle in front of her. It was a light Riesling and quite delicious. She'd better be careful. It'd be easy enough to suck the whole thing down. Of course it wasn't like she was driving anywhere. Not one damned car on the entire island. Even the taxicabs were golf carts. She gave a giggle at that. Of course the biggest reason not to drink the whole bottle would be to avoid the sulfites induced headache that wine sometime bestowed upon her. Key word being 'sometimes.' Gillian shrugged and took another sip.

She'd already wished him a good night and wasn't about to contact him again. _Was that being infantile?_ Probably.

The warmth of his lips…

_Stop it._

Magnetism. Electricity. He was _such _a good kisser and she had the feeling that she'd only experienced the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

_You're just horny_.

Probably. It _had_ been quite a while.

Another sip of wine. Tom Hanks was currently showing his son the huge distance between Seattle and Baltimore, lamenting what the kid wasn't learning in school.

Gillian wasn't _that_ far from Cal. The plane trip was barely an hour, not counting the ferry and drive to the airport of course. _Still_. Not far at all.

_Maybe _she was ready. Maybe it _was_ time to go home and face the future. And Cal.


	10. Chapter 10

Gillian awoke to the song "When I Fall in Love" during the end credits of "Sleepless in Seattle" and to a profound sense of foreboding. She hadn't remembered falling asleep but now she was wide-awake, heart heavy.

_Huh_.

Agitated, she left the couch and wandered through the cottage, looking for anything out of place. Anything that may have awakened her with this feeling of dread. Locks were locked, nothing seemed out of place, and no one was lurking outside the windows from what she could see. But something just seemed off.

She squinted at the digital clock on the DVD player. It was early. 9:08 glowed back at her.

At that moment she wondered how late the last ferry headed to the mainland. She knew that she needed to go home now but couldn't imagine what might have elicited the sudden urgency. Her imagination was probably playing up her sense of isolation. _Still_.

Grabbing her purse, she pawed through it looking for the ferry schedule that she'd tossed in there the other day. Finding it lurking toward the bottom she yanked it out, skimming it quickly. If she hurried she'd be able to make the last one.

Without delay, she changed, packed and was waiting for her ride 20 minutes later. While she waited she decided to give Cal a quick call. It rang four times and went to voice mail. On a whim, she called Emily. Same thing.

Her stomach was starting to clench painfully. She had no idea why.

_**(BREAK)**_

Cal was able to propel them across the floor toward the door before reaching up and trying to grasp the knob. It was already hot and he resisted the urge to yank his hand away. The damned thing was locked. His arm inadvertently dropped down while his other wrapped around his daughter a bit more tightly.

The smoke was becoming dense, even as low as they were. He could hear and feel Emily coughing as he also inhaled tendrils of smoke, making his lungs burn. The heat along his right side was almost unbearable.

Stretching out once more, he managed to grasp the handle again and get his fingers to work the lock before pulling the door awkwardly toward them.

"GO! EM, GO!" He pushed her forward with his left arm and she was able to get up onto all fours and hurriedly crawl out toward the back garden. She was coughing harder, face red, eyes running.

She turned back toward him, "DAD! HURRY!" Her voice was scratchy and raw sounding.

Army crawling after her, he pulled himself out the door and onto the concrete patio. He began aware of Emily screaming in fear and panic off to his left somewhere.

"OH MY GOD DAD! YOU'RE ON FIRE!"

Instinctively he dropped down onto his belly and rolled and managed to suffocate the flames. He found himself face up looking at the overhang above him. He didn't know how badly he was burned but a sickly sweet smell reached his nostrils making his gorge rise.

_Don't throw up._

Her voice was now by his ear. "We have to get further back!" She grabbed hold of him and tried to pull as he weakly performed a half assed crab walk further into the yard before once again collapsing on his back and looking up at the night sky.

The sound of sirens filled the air around them as Emily sat next to him, curled forward, coughing and trying not to cry.

"You okay darlin? You didn't get burned did you?" Cal tilted his head up toward her, searching her face and she stared back, eyes huge. Giving a tiny head shake, her gaze shifted toward his right side before she lost control and burst into tears.

"Shhh." He reached over with his other hand and gently touched her face. "Gonna be okay Em. Please don't cry. We're gonna be alright."

Rolling his head toward the house, he observed blankly as his home and memories burned. Cal watched as the fire department, police and EMTs flooded the scene and trampled their back garden. He gritted his teeth as he was loaded onto a stretcher and an oxygen mask was fitted over his nose and mouth. Cal felt the sting as a needle found the prominent vein in his hand for IV fluids. A moment later he lost track of Emily and panicked, roughly pulling off the mask. "Where's my daughter?" He started to sit up before one of the paramedics gently pushed him back down and tightened the straps over his chest and legs. Everything was running together for him, turning to haze.

A female face peered down at him. "She's waiting in the ambulance for you."

He hadn't remembered her being pulled away from his side. "She okay?"

"Yes sir. She's receiving oxygen, just like you. She'll be fine."

"Am I burned?" As he asked, he immediately felt stupid. Shocked nerves were starting to awaken as pain flooded down his right arm and side. Sweat began to pop out on his forehead. "Dumb question." Dark spots were dancing in his field of vision as he attempted to blink them away.

She didn't answer as her partner returned.

Cal could see firefighters attempt to control the blaze that was quickly destroying his house. He watched numbly while they loaded him into the back of the ambulance. Nothing seemed real.

Emily sat waiting for him, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, face pale. She reached out and took his hand as he was anchored in. "Hey dad."

"Hey Em." His fingers tightened around her smaller ones.

_**(BREAK)**_

"Mom?" Emily tried hard to keep her voice from shaking but without success.

"What's the matter?" Zoë sat up straighter on her end, files in her lap temporarily forgotten.

"Um…"A sob escaped as the girl felt the impact of the evening weighing down around her. "There was a fire…"

"_What_? _What happened_?"

"I'm not sure. Someone threw something through the front window-"

"_Where are you? Are you alright_?" Zoë was on her feet, grabbing her purse and heading for the door.

"I'm okay. We're at, um, Washington."

"Okay, I'm on my way."

"Mom?" Emily's voice went down to a whimper.

"Yeah honey?" The phone was cradled between her shoulder and her ear as she locked the front door behind her.

"Dad got burned." Sobs started to make speech difficult. "I don't know how bad."

Zoë stopped for a moment, breath catching, heart thundering loudly in her ears. "Okay. I'll be there soon." Her tone was gentle as she disconnected the call.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian closed her eyes when the plane touched back down at Dulles, tension pulsing through her in waves, head pounding fiercely.

She pulled the phone from her purse and turned it back on, hoping that there would be a message waiting for her.

_One missed call_. And she didn't recognize the number.

The plane slowly taxied to the gate and Gillian held her breath.

She hadn't realized she was doing it and let it out slowly. _There was no reason to_ _believe anything was wrong_. The missed call could be a wrong number. _How likely was that? Okay, stop it.  
><em>

Fortunately, the plane was only partially full, so everyone was able to grab their carry on bags and head out to the gate in a reasonable amount of time. As soon as Gillian set foot in the terminal, she pulled her phone out once again to listen to the message.

As she listened, she immediately stopped short.

People moved out from around her but she was oblivious to the angry stares. They didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

Gillian felt the blood slowly run from her face.


	11. Chapter 11

Gillian arrived at the hospital exhausted but fueled by adrenaline, fear and caffeine. She was directed up to the burn unit and now stood in the elevator unconsciously hugging herself, her thoughts going all different directions at once.

Cal had put her down as his emergency contact. The message left on her voicemail had been concise and when she'd called back, information was only slightly more forthcoming.

_House fire_. And no, they didn't know the extent of his injuries as of yet.

_Oh God_.

The elevator doors opened with a soft whoosh and she turned and headed toward the nurse's station only to be hailed by a familiar voice.

"Gillian?"

She turned quickly, taking in Emily's wide eyes and pale face and immediately wanting to pull the girl into a hug before Zoe came up behind her, effectively making her stifle the impulse.

"I just found out. _What_ happened?" Her voice was shaking and she vaguely wondered how she appeared to Cal's ex-wife.

Emily was suddenly in her arms, weeping against her shoulder, while Zoe looked on, expression guarded.

"Cal's place was firebombed."

_"What?"_

"It was awful!" Emily's words were muffled. "We were…we were just talking…I…I was going to scoop us some ice cream so we got up…to …go in the kitchen…"

Gillian met Zoe's eye.

"They've taken him in for…" Zoe shook her head, obviously in her own emotional turmoil. "um…debridement? Basically it cleans the burns, gets rid of dead skin to find out…find out how deep they are."

She could smell smoke all over the girl. It was acrid in her nostrils, almost burning. "Are _you_ okay Em?" Her voice was low, sounding a lot more controlled than she felt.

The girl nodded, still clinging to her unabashedly. "Dad…protect…ed…me!" She started crying harder and Gillian tightened her hug.

"Did they find who did this?" Gillian wanted to ask one question but was afraid of the answer, so she stepped around the periphery.

A bitter little snort escaped Zoe. "They did actually. Younger brother of someone Cal ripped apart in the cube. He and his friends were drunk and decided that a little revenge was due. Googled Malotov cocktails apparently." She stopped, her facial muscles tensing as she paused to fight back her emotions. "They found them in the parking lot of a 7-11 about a half a mile away."

Gillian squeezed her eyes shut, wishing this were a nightmare. Wishing she hadn't taken off that night. Wishing she'd stayed with him to help him through his emotional minefield…_their _emotional minefield.

"Miss Landau?"

All three shifted toward the voice, Emily pulling from Gill's embrace.

The doctor was in his 50's, tall and thin with fine hands and closely cropped iron gray hair. He looked ex-military.

"Yes?"

The keen eyes took in all three faces before resting on Gillian's, questioning.

"I'm Gillian Foster. Dr. Lightman's partner."

"Dr. Ken Green." The man took her hand in a firm but quick shake before releasing. "I just wanted to give you a fast update but it appears that Dr. Lightman was very lucky. His clothing protected him for the most part so burns along his ribcage, hip and right leg vacillate between 1st degree and superficial 2nd degree. Unfortunately he did suffer deep 2nd degree burns on his upper and lower right arm. Skin grafting in a possibility but not necessarily an inevitability."

"Skin grafting?" Emily stared at the doctor. "Isn't that bad?"

"It's the best choice in some cases but I think your father will heal fine without it. I just like to be up front about everything."

"Can we see him?"

"Of course. He's a little groggy, just so you know. Unfortunately I can only permit two visitors at a time. More of a space issue than anything else."

"We understand." Gillian spoke first, instantly feeling like the fifth wheel. "I'll wait out here."

"No Gillian. Go with Emily."

Frowning in confusion, she met the other woman's eyes. Zoe stared back impassively before allowing a small smile. "He'd rather see _you_."

Gill didn't have time to react before Emily was tugging on her arm to follow the doctor through the double doors.

_**(BREAK)**_

Cal was floating around somewhere between sleep and wakefulness when a small part of him heard footsteps. They were tentative, not purposeful so he deduced that they most likely weren't staff and might very well be worth opening his eyes to.

His instincts were correct and he gave a huge smile as Emily's face filled his vision. Reaching up, he touched her face. "You okay darlin'?"

She gave a little sob as she nodded. "Fine dad. How are you feeling?"

"Hmmm…kind of fuzzy. Felt a lot like BBQ earlier."

Tears rolled down the girl's face and Cal frowned, continuing to stroke her cheek as he tried to wipe away the moisture. "Uh uh. None uh that. I'm fine. Told you it would be okay."

"I was really scared."

"I know luv. So was I."

She bit her lip and gently took his hand in hers and moved it away from her face. Cal looked at her, bemused, as she stepped aside.

Then he saw Gillian standing just inside the door. Their eyes locked.

"Hope you didn't come all the way back just on my account."

The comment could have been biting, cruel but it was neither of those things. His face was tired, edged in pain but his eyes were filled with warmth as he reached out to her.

She silently took in the dressing that had his right arm almost completely mummified. Gillian knew that the thin hospital blanket hid his other dressings from sight and inwardly cringed. A moment later, she was next to him, grasping his hand and bringing it to her lips. She completely forgot that Emily was standing aside observing carefully.

"Of course not. Just happened to be in the neighborhood." Gillian offered a smile but her eyes were a little too bright.

"Oh yeah? You should have been in _my_ neighborhood. You missed a lot of excitement."

A little noise worked its way from her throat as her smile fell away.

"Oh no yeh don't." Cal shook his head and attempted to pull her down to him. "All this crying is making me feel like I died or somethin'."

Gillian sat on the edge of the bed as his fingers curled around hers, remarkably strong considering the evening he'd had. He tilted his head as he looked up at her, his expression turning a bit fearful as his voice lowered. "This is probably bad timing but I need to know that you forgive me." He gave what he hoped was a charming smile. "No pressure of course."

Watching them for a moment, Emily decided it might be time for her to make her exit. She cleared her throat.

When both adults pulled their gaze from one another to her, she moved forward to kiss her dad's cheek. "Love you dad. I'm going to go but I'll be back later."

The girl was practically asleep on her feet. The adrenaline had long since departed leaving her drained and exhausted.

"Love you Em. Get some rest." He suddenly peered out the door. "You mum here?"

"Yeah, she's waiting. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay darlin'." He watched his daughter give Gillian a quick hug before she shuffled out of the room. She gave one last finger wave before she disappeared from view.

Cal gazed after her for several long moments. "She could've been killed." His voice became slightly thick.

"You protected her."

"I did the best I could." He closed his eyes and she could suddenly see all the discomfort he was hiding from Emily. "Have you heard anything about who…who may have done this?"

She didn't think it was the best time to share what little she knew so she opted for the condensed version. "Apparently someone was picked up but I don't know the details." Which was true.

"Picked up already? Wow. My tax dollars hard at work." He drifted for a moment before snapping back. "You didn't answer me."

Leaning down, she gently kissed his lips before moving back slightly. "I'll think about it."

"Huh. You're lips say one thing but your words say another. What am I supposed to believe?" Cal's eyes were starting to droop.

"You have good instincts." She trailed her fingers along his cheek. "But right now I want _you_ to get some rest. We'll talk later."


	12. Chapter 12

_**Feel like I've lost a lot of you. Moving away from the danger/action/hurt thing to concentrate on relationship. Hope I'm not boring anyone.**_

* * *

><p>"Hey."<p>

He squinted up at her in the bright sunlight. "Hey luv."

"You know you have Emily really worried."

Cal let out a sigh. "Damn. I'd meant to call her but got…distracted."

Sitting down on his left, Gillian followed his gaze. They sat in silence for a few moments as both took in all the damage from the fire. It wasn't a complete loss but it would months before it would be livable again.

"Would it do any good if I berated you for leaving the hospital too early?"

"Nope." He'd checked himself out that morning. A good chunk of his body was tender, which he could deal with but his right arm still hurt like a bitch. It probably would for the next couple of months, so it didn't matter _where_ he was.

"Didn't think so." She leaned her head on his shoulder.

Cal had built a BBQ pit in the back yard a few years back and had arranged several park benches around it. Mostly Emily used it with her friends but now Cal and Gillian sat together, quietly staring at what was left of his home.

"You going to be okay?" Gill's voice was quiet.

He took a deep breath, inhaling her scent, finding it calming. "Just things Gillian."

"It's more than that."

Leaning his cheek against her head he felt their fingers interweave and wasn't quite sure who initiated it. "At least they caught the little bastards." His voice was heavy as he said it and she could tell he accepted some of the responsibility.

"You were just doing what we do Cal. Unfortunately we hit raw nerves all the time."

"This raw nerve almost got my _daughter _killed."

There was nothing she could say to that, so she didn't even try.

"Maybe it would be better to hang it all up and teach."

Gillian tried to envision it but couldn't quite do it. "Cal Lightman verses hundreds of college students?"

Cal was quiet for a moment. "And one sociopath."

Cringing, she couldn't comment.

"Fair point though," he acknowledged, letting out a breath.

There was something she wanted to ask him but she had no idea how he'd react. The thought of it put her on edge but there was no way to approach it subtly.

"Something on your mind Gill?"

God, she _hated_ when he did that. "Why do you ask?"

"Seem a little tense."

"Of course I'm tense. We're sitting here staring at your gutted house knowing that things could have gone _a lot_ worse." Her voice caught as she felt the sting of tears. _A lot worse_. _He and Emily could be dead_.

She felt his fingers tighten in her own as he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. "Didn't happen though."

His mind kept replaying that night and it was true. If Emily hadn't lured him into the kitchen, they would have been at point zero. The Molotov had hit right in front of the couch. They wouldn't have had a chance. Inadvertently a shudder ran through him.

Gillian lifted her head and looked directly at him before raising a hand and gently touching his face. She decided to come right out with it. "I wanted to ask you something Cal."

"Yeah luv?"

He looked tired and in pain and she thought it would be best if she could get him away from here. "Do you know where you're going to stay?"

Cal looked at her and then past her. To be honest, he hadn't even though about it even though it should have been a priority. "Uh, hotel for now. Maybe rent somethin' nearby. Want to be close to supervise renovation."

Nodding, she took her lower lip between her teeth for a moment before coming right out with it. "How would you feel about staying with me?"

He went quiet to the point of where she wasn't sure if he'd even heard her. The gaze continued past her to something inward, something she couldn't be privy to. "Is that a good idea?" Cal's voice was so soft that she barely heard him, but the tone held nothing but fear. His running away voice again.

_No. She wasn't going to do this again. Damn him._

Pulling herself straight up, the hand on his face became firm and was quickly joined by her other one as she insisted he meet her eyes. "Yes, I do think it's a good idea. And I'll tell you why. We have spent _years_ staying behind our self-imposed lines, _years_ denying feelings that I know you have too and I am _bloody_ sick of it! You know something? Neither one of us is getting any younger and there's going to be a time when we're both going to wake up and realize that it's too damned late and I, for one, do not want that to happen. I do _not_ want to wake up all old and shriveled and find that the one man I wanted I couldn't have because he and I were both completely chicken shit!"

Cal's mouth dropped open as his whole face went slack.

"This is what _I_ want and I will not accept '_no_' as an answer. You got that?" She gave his head a little shake. "We're going to go now and you're lucky that I don't just turn right around and take you back to the hospital." She had a sudden thought. "Or would you _rather_ go back to the hospital? It's your choice."

She watched as his face lost its slack and went through a myriad of emotions: anger, sadness, annoyance, amusement and then it just eased into fatigue. He didn't have the energy to fight. He didn't have to say anything. She knew she'd won, for now.

_**(BREAK)**_

When they got back to her place, she took it upon herself to search through his bag to find his pain medication. Whether he'd admit it or not, she knew he needed them. She came back to the guest bedroom to find him staring at her, his expression soft but a little confused.

"What?" Gillian handed him the two oblong pills and glass of water she'd brought which he took them without argument.

"Don't know why you'd do this."

"I think you do."

"You're a glutton for punishment."

"Maybe, but I see _you_. I see the wonderful man you are despite your _many_ faults."

"Didn't have to emphasize the 'many' part."

"I thought we were supposed to speak the truth."

Cal's only response was a noncommittal grunt.

"Get some rest. I'll give Em a quick call to let her know you're okay." Gillian turned to leave before she heard his low voice speak her name. She turned back to him expectantly.

"Thanks darlin'."

Smiling, she paused a moment to watch as his eyes closed before she pulled the door shut behind her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Comments and suggestions ALWAYS appreciated!<strong>_


	13. Chapter 13

**_Thank you so much for your reviews and comments!__ :-)_**

* * *

><p>Gillian came back to check less than ten minutes later to find him sound asleep. His bandaged arm was curled protectively against his body while the other one stretched across the bed. Lines of anxiety in his face had smoothed and he was snoring ever so softly, mouth partially hanging open. And his boots were still on.<p>

Slipping into the room, she quickly unlaced and gently pulled them off, all the while keeping an eye out, hoping not to awaken him. He didn't move a muscle. It was common knowledge that sleep was fleeting for anyone hospitalized. Currently Cal was a case in point. He was beyond exhausted.

For a few moments, she just observed him. The steady rise and fall of his chest, the scruff that was almost to a point of being a short beard, his slightly weathered face. Not handsome in a traditional way but attractive nonetheless, especially when he turned on the charm. He was downright sexy then.

Shaking her head, she attempted to stem the flush that rose in her cheeks and quickly left the room.

_**(BREAK)**_

Cal opened his eyes to a darkened room and two thoughts: Where did the day go and where the hell am I?

A moment later, his sleep muddled brain kicked in with some semblance of memories. Oh yeah. He was at Gillian's. With the realization, a feeling of warmth and peace spread through him. Maybe it _had_ been the right decision. But then again it would remain to be seen if the feeling persisted. Hopefully it would. Hopefully he wouldn't find a way to muck things up.

Padding out into the hallway and toward the living room, he stopped and quietly watched her. She was on the couch, feet curled beneath her, fingers flying over the keyboard of her laptop. Her jaw was set in concentration and he vaguely wondered what she was working on. He needed to get up to speed.

"Lurking in the hallway Cal?" She didn't look up but her lips curled in a smile.

"How else can I ogle you without you knowing it?"

"You've never tried to hide it before."

He smirked as he moved forward. "True enough." Stepping past her, he gingerly lowered himself onto the other side of the sofa close enough to brush up against her leg. Peeking at the computer, he made a face. Payroll.

"And here I thought I'd find you doing somethin' interestin'. Juicy new case…or porn maybe."

"You wish."

"Naturally."

Still smiling, she snapped the laptop shut, leaned over and placed it on the coffee table. "How're you feeling?"

"A little medium rare but not _too_ bad."

The smile faltered as she looked down and he mentally kicked himself.

"Sorry luv. Really. I'm okay." Cal reached up and gently brushed her hair back, tilting his head to see into her face. He caught and held her eyes. "Where did you go Gill?"

"What do you mean?" She knew exactly what he meant but didn't want to explain the guilt that he'd easily be able to read.

He already saw it though and looked at her quizzically. "I think you know."

"Oh. Yeah. I stayed at a friend's."

"Friend's." He softly repeated, wanting to know more. Seeing her guilt. Wanting to know what she had to feel guilty about. Deciding he had no right. At least not right now. "Nice place?"

Gillian nodded. "Very nice. Um, North Carolina."

He made a soft noise of acknowledgement as his fingers caressed her face before he frowned in puzzlement. "How did you get back so fast?"

"What?"

"If you were down there, how'd you get back so fast after the hospital contacted you?"

"Does this bother you for some reason?" Her tone could have been defensive but it wasn't, only curious.

"Well, no, not exactly. I just find it interestin'. The nurse's station has record of the call so you must have already been headin' back."

"I was."

"Coincidence?" His hand settled on the side of her neck while his thumb absently stroked along her jaw.

Stifling a shiver, she could feel the tingle racing through her body. "I can't even tell you. It was just…I don't know. A bad feeling, I guess."

Not responding, Cal continued to hold her eyes. "I'm sorry Gillian."

"For what? Being an ass?" A smirk twisted the corner of her mouth.

"Yeah."

"You just can't seem to help yourself."

"True that." He moved a bit closer and she felt her breath go a little uneven. "You think we can do this? Do we have a shot?"

_Good question. She desperately wanted them to be successful. He could be such a wild card. Of course wasn't she the one who called them chicken shit earlier? It _was_ scary, no matter how they looked at it. But isn't any relationship about taking a chance and baring your soul? As she looked into his eyes, something occurred to her. Something she already knew but once in a while needed to be reminded of. He would _always_ be there for her. They'd fight, make up, fight again, but if ever she needed him, he'd be there in a heartbeat. She couldn't say that about most people in her life._

"Can you meet me half way?"

He'd do anything for this woman. _So what was this inclination to pull back whenever they began to actually connect on a deeper level? Fear of_ _commitment? No, that wasn't exactly it._ He wanted commitment, something he could count on. He knew what popular opinion of him consisted of but he wasn't as much of a player as they thought. He was cautious. He could probably count on one hand the relationships he'd had since his divorce. Not that he didn't like to look of course. Caution didn't denote death. _But this was Gillian_. _She was his very best_ _friend._ Would becoming lovers make things better or ruin them forever? _But God, he loved her so much. How could that be wrong?_

She hadn't moved, just waited patiently, eyes soft. Her hand now lightly rested on his knee. It seemed warmer than it should be.

"Yeah…I could try to do that." It came out in a whisper as he pulled her into a careful embrace, tenderness overwhelming him as he felt her sink against him. "I love you Gill."

Her body shook ever so slightly as little sobs trembled through her.

Pulling back, he touched her face again. "I'm not going to run away this time. Promise."

Giving a sniffle, she smiled. "Same here."

She stretched up toward him and he met her half way in gentle kiss.


	14. Chapter 14

He pulled back, gazed at her for a moment before lacing his hand in her hair and moving in with more purpose. Electricity pulsed through her body as the kiss began to gain momentum. His mouth was firm, almost possessive as she softly acquiesced to him, opening up to his demands and melting into them. Gillian's eyes slid shut as her hands found purchase on his shoulders, gripping tightly, afraid that he'd slip away from her again.

The doorbell rang.

Cal didn't notice. He used his weight to gently push Gillian back into the couch cushions as his lips temporarily left hers to explore the rest of her face, ears, throat, down to her shoulder, collarbone…

The doorbell rang again.

"Cal?"

"Mmmm?" Her skin was sweet and slightly salty, her scent intoxicating.

Gillian was torn between how her body was reacting to his ministrations and the _very _real chance that his _daughter_ was standing on the other side of the door. When she'd spoken with the girl earlier, she'd mentioned wanting to come by in the evening.

"Cal? Um…"She lost her train of thought for a moment as he moved up and sucked on one earlobe. A shudder ran through her as she felt and heard him chuckle. _Focus Gillian!_ "CAL!"

"Huh?" He moved away slightly, confusion evident.

"I think _Emily_ might be at the door."

A look of complete horror passed over his face and she would have laughed if she weren't feeling so flustered herself. She gave him a little push as he awkwardly sat up, wincing at the pain in his body. They'd both forgotten and he would be more than happy to attempt to _forget _again. _Later this evening if possible, although the odds were probably pretty bleak._

"Hold on!" Gillian called out, hoping her voice wasn't shaking _too_ badly as she straightened her clothing and quickly got to her feet.

Sure enough, Emily stood on the stoop, one large department store bag in one hand and a bag of burgers in the other hand. "I figured you guys probably didn't have a chance to eat anything."

Gillian gave her a big smile. "Thank you! Come on in. Your dad's…" She looked over her shoulder and cringed as she watched him slowly pull himself up. He seemed a tiny bit pale.

"Hey Em."

"I should be made at you."

"What'd I do?"

Gill took the burgers and headed into the kitchen to grab some drinks as Emily approached her father, face stern. "Leaving the hospital early? Disappearing? Ring any bells?"

Cal glowered. "Who's the parent here?"

"Sometimes I wonder." Emily gave him a gentle hug and kiss before handing him the large bag."

"What's this?"

Her eyes passed over his face before shifting to the dressing on his arm. "Um, I did a little shopping for you. I figured you needed more than just the couple changes of clothes you had in your office."

He let out a sigh, his insides feeling a little heavy. "Thanks darlin'."

"Rick went with me, so he kind of helped pick things out. You know, a male perspective."

_Wonderful. His daughter's boyfriend helped pick out his underwear._

"I'm not gonna find…any surprises am I?" He smiled, lightly teasing.

"Yeah dad, we made sure to find jeans with rhinestones and big swirly designs on the back pockets. Oh, and Hawaiian shirts. _Lots_ of colorful Hawaiian shirts."

"How'd you get so funny? I know you didn't get it from me and I'm pretty damned sure you didn't get it from your mum."

"Spontaneous mutation." The tone was flippant but her eyes held more worry and fear than a kid her age should. He felt his heart shrivel in his chest.

Cal placed the bag on the floor and pulled his daughter into a close embrace again, kissing the side of her head. "S'okay Em. We're both okay," he muttered against her hair.

The girl's body began to shake as sobs wracked through her. She didn't make a sound. Coming to visit her father at Gill's was a reminder, all over again, that his house, _their_ house, was unlivable. That someone had callously decided that he shouldn't be allowed to live any longer and by extension, her as well. It was surreal and horrifying at the same time.

"Shhh." He stood and rocked her gently, allowing everything that was pent up within to escape in a cathartic flow. Her tears soaked into the front of his shirt and he just continued to hug her tightly, ignoring the pain in his arm, ignoring all other discomfort, just wanting to be there for his little girl.

Gillian watched quietly from the other side of the room, pinpricks of tears rising in her own eyes. The tenderness Cal showed his daughter never ceased to affect her. It was especially strong tonight as Emily slowly came to terms with what almost happened to them. It appeared as if she'd been keeping everything inside since that first night in the hospital and Gill's heart ached for her.

A few minutes later, Emily pulled away, wiping furiously at her eyes and sniffling. Cal kept one hand on her upper arm, staring at her pointedly. "We'll get past this darlin'. The house is just a house. Things are just things. We're okay and that's what matters."

"I know." Her voice was so quiet he could barely hear her. "I just keep having these horrible images – I can't seem to get them out of my head."

He didn't say anything, just squeezed her arm gently.

"And the images aren't even of _what_ happened. They're of what _could_ have happened." Her brown eyes met his and he inwardly recoiled at the pain he saw. "I can still see you on fire, but in my mind's eye, you're not able to put out the flames…"

Gillian observed and listened in shock and horror before breaking out of her temporary paralysis and moving toward them. "Honey, here, have a seat." She guided the girl to the comfy armchair perpendicular to the sofa as Cal looked on, deep sadness etched into his face.

"Thanks." Emily sat, hugging herself and watched as both adults took places on either side of her. Her dad perched on the coffee table directly in front and Gillian sat at the corner of the couch, angling her body toward them.

"Your reaction is normal." Gill reached out and took the girl's hand. "It was a very traumatic experience for both of you and it's going to take some time."

"I see it every time I close my eyes. I see…" She couldn't quite form the words.

"Nightmares?"

She wiped at her eyes again and gave a bitter snort. "Nightmares, daymares, anytimemares." Her eyes found her father's again. "I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. I know you've had lots of scrapes and stuff happen but this…" Tears were close once again but the teenager stubbornly refused to allow them to fall. She unconsciously tightened her hand in Gill's before loosening her grip. "Did you go back to the house today? Is that where you went when you left the hospital?" She looked from Cal to Gillian. "Is that where you found him?"

"Yes."

"I guess part of me was still in denial." Cal offered.

Emily nodded, squeezed her eyes shut for a moment before focusing somewhere beyond Cal's shoulder. "Are you going to rebuild?"

He blinked, finding the question odd. "Yeah. Gonna start calling some contractors this week."

She was quiet for several more moments, obviously rolling something around in her head. "I…I don't think… I'll be able to live there again dad."


	15. Chapter 15

Cal just looked at her. He understood. Had had similar feelings himself in fact. The horror of that night was permanently scarred upon his own brain, except his extra unsolicited images consisted of him not moving fast enough to protect Emily. His stomach curdled in response.

"You're having the same thoughts."

Interesting that it wasn't a question. She knew him too well. He let out a sigh. "Guess I have. But it still needs to be rebuilt. After that," he shrugged. "After that I'll see how it goes. Maybe put it on the market." There were a lot of wonderful memories in that house, but fortunately the memories would come with him.

"Right now are you going to just stay…?" Emily's eyes flickered to Gillian.

Cal wasn't sure how to respond. Gill had opened up her home to him, not to mention, her heart. But at the same time, was he sending the wrong message to his daughter?

"I have an extra room. Your dad can stay as long as he needs…or wants to." She said it without batting an eye. _Very smooth_. "Of course you're welcome here any time as well."

The idea of his daughter staying primarily with Zoë for months was a sharp pain in his chest. Maybe he'd start doing some house hunting sooner than later. Tomorrow, if possible.

"Thank you Gill. Thanks for taking care of him." The girl looked at he older woman with sincerity.

"Hey now. I can take care of myself." Cal protested to deaf ears.

"I'm glad to be here for you both." Gillian gave Emily a smile that incorporated everything. "Now, how about those burgers?"

_**(BREAK)**_

_The house was ablaze when she pulled up. Firefighters had stopped attempting to save the structure, instead they busied themselves with preventing the fire from spreading to neighboring homes. There was nothing else they could do._

_ Throwing the car into park, she didn't even bother to lock it as she ran straight toward the house, eyes blurry with tears and smoke, terror gripping and squeezing her heart painfully. No, no, no. The chanting began in her head and made it to her lips. She was now so close that she could feel the heat prickling upon her skin, her eyebrows beginning to singe._

_ Someone caught her in unyielding arms. "You can't go up there miss. It's gone. It's all gone."_

_ "But he's in there!" The scream quickly turned into a gag as she inhaled smoke. It raced into her lungs, searing her from the inside. "I have to—" _

_ The arms locked around her like manacles. "There's nothing you can do for him. He's gone. I'm sorry, but he's gone."_

_ "NO!" The shriek burst from her and she almost got away. "HE CAN'T BE!"_

_ The arms were too strong. They pulled her away to a safe distance before loosening their grip. She felt herself collapse to the sidewalk. One hand still clasped her upper arm. "Are you okay?"_

_ Gillian shook her head, not having the strength or inclination to answer. Gone. He was gone. Cal was dead._

_"Hey." The hand moved from her arm to her chin and brought her face upwards to meet dark blue eyes. "You knew that he'd do this to himself eventually."_

_ Russell grinned as he said it._

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian awoke to a scream that ripped through her throat. It took her a moment to gather her senses and calm her thrashing heart and harsh breathes.

Rolling her head, she took in the time. 3:17 glowed back at her. She raised a trembling hand to her eyes and attempted to get her breathing under control. _Shit._

"You okay luv?"

The low voice cut through the darkness and silence. Cal's accent was heavy with sleep and concern.

She didn't answer, couldn't answer initially and she felt and heard him tentatively approach. The mattress sagged slightly as he sat on the edge of the bed. She gave a silent sigh as she felt his fingers gently brush through her hair.

"I'm okay."

"Hell of a nightmare?"

"You could say that." The words were strong, but her voice shook.

He didn't respond initially. The fingers just steadily stroked through her hair and ran down her face, stopping for a moment when they felt the moisture of her tears, before continuing. Finally: "Do you want to talk about it?"

Shaking her head, she only paused briefly before reaching up and pulling on his t-shirt. "Stay with me?"

Gillian felt him carefully lay beside her on his side. His bandaged arm looped over her stomach as he planted a gentle kiss on her cheek. "This okay?"

"Uh huh." Her heart rate slowly returned to normal as she felt the warmth and comfort of his body curled up next to hers. _Just a nightmare_. _He was fine_.

She fell back to sleep moments after he did.

_**(BREAK)**_

When Gillian awoke, Cal was gone. She had a fleeting sense of terror before becoming aware of the aroma permeating her home. _Bacon. _The fear dissipated immediately as she pulled herself upright. At that moment she became aware that she was only wearing a short, sleeveless nighty. An almost translucent one at that. _Great_. She dimly wondered how much of a free show Cal had gotten that morning before dismissing it with a sigh. Not much she could do about it now. Heading to the bathroom, she took care of business before grabbing her robe and slipping out of the bedroom.

He gave her an easy grin when she appeared in the front room, spatula in hand as he worked over the griddle. "Morning."

Blinking a couple of times, she rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand in an attempt to clear them. "Good morning."

"Breakfast'll be done in a few minutes." His eyes lingered on her for just a moment before dropping to the work at hand.

She wandered into the kitchen, grabbed plates, glasses and juice. The coffee maker was already going thankfully. _Bless him_. It was odd how familiar this all seemed. It wasn't like they'd ever awakened under the same roof before but it still appeared so…_normal_. Maybe years of friendship did that. Maybe. But it was more than friendship at this point. Some nebulous ground between friendship and relationship. She'd have to work on that later. Too much, too early.

"How're ya doin'?" He hinted at the nightmare but didn't come right out with it.

"Um, I'm okay. How about you?"

Cal stared at her a moment without comment before plating up and serving breakfast. Omelets and bacon. "Not too bad. A couple painkillers and I can easily face the day slightly shit faced."

She smiled in spite of herself. "Very eloquent Cal."

"Aim to please."

Plopping down next to her, he immediately tucked into his food. She watched him for a moment, always amazed at his appetite. Not a huge guy, but damn, he could eat.

After breakfast he helped her with the dishes. They stood side by side at the sink, the silence comfortable until they reached for the same plate at the same time, brushing hands and instantly pulling back. "Sorry." He mumbled, although he wasn't exactly sure why he should be sorry.

"Um, no worries. I, uh, better get changed." The words were voiced but she didn't move. "Are you…coming in today with me?" She turned to him, eyebrows raised.

"I think I should take care of a few things. Em has the Prius and the Beemer's toast so I guess I need to see about renting somethin' for the moment."

"How about I drop you off when you're less buzzed?"

"Oh." He blinked. "Guess so. Thanks." They still hadn't moved, only inches apart. He reached up and touched her cheek, his hand still wet from dishes. "Thank you Gillian. I mean it. For everythin'."

Nodding, she didn't speak, nor did she look away.

"I love you, you know."

Gillian nodded again as her own fingers found there way to his soft hair, gently playing with the short locks. She stared up at him, the height difference evident without shoes. "I know." _She loved him too but why couldn't she say it now?_


	16. Chapter 16

Instead she reached up and softly kissed him, feeling his smile against her lips, his hand trailing down her side to rest at the swell of her hip and then he was returning it.

The tingle began in her lower abdomen before radiating outward as the kiss became more demanding. She became very conscious of how their bodies melded together perfectly, how his heart rate increased in synch with hers. As his lips and tongue teasingly explored and caressed her mouth she wondered what it would be like to make love with him. He was such an intense and passionate man that she could easily imagine it translating to the bedroom for a very happy time for her. Her body wanted it so much that she was practically vibrating but her mind stepped in to suggest that it may not be the best idea just yet. Damned IQ getting in the way. _Shit_.

Breaking the kiss, she stepped back before things got too far out of control. "I…I need to get going." Her face was warm.

Cal stared at her, his eyes dark and edged in hunger making her want to dismiss the logic and attack him. She managed not to but he could easily read everything flitting across her face and she flushed even more as a result.

"You're kind of an open book right now luv." His voice was low, gentle, almost awed. She was _never_ this easy for him to read and he could sense how vulnerable she felt. Gillian started to turn away before he caught her by the arm and pulled her into another embrace, kissing her temple before releasing her. "Go do what you need to do. I'll talk to you shortly."

Nodding, she started to move away before stopping and looking back. Something had caught her eye. Something she hadn't noticed before but now as tension eased, she felt an attack of the giggles. "Cal?"

"Hmmm?" He had started to finish up the dishes before he swung back to her, eyebrows raised.

"Nice jammie bottoms."

He looked down. Gumby and Pokey met his gaze. His face twisted slightly as he met Gillian's eyes. "Em's idea of a joke I'm sure."

"Unless Rick picked them out."

"_Hope not_. For _his_ sake."

_**(BREAK) **_

Cal spent the day researching contractors and house hunting on his laptop. Thankfully he'd left it in his office the night of the fire so at least there was _something _that didn't need to be replaced.

Knowing that contractors were notorious flakes, he selected several names and made several appointments. He wasn't looking forward to it but it was a vital step to move on with things. In the meantime, he'd also found many promising homes that could bear his inspection, but he'd like Gillian and Emily's opinions on them as well. _Gillian's_ _opinion_. Funny how that mattered so much now. Was it possible that he was thinking ahead? Seemed like putting the proverbial cart before the horse but still…

Snapping the computer shut, he pushed himself off the couch. He was starting to not feel very well and wanted to change the dressing on his arm, albeit awkwardly before laying down for a bit.

Ten minutes later had him back on the couch, gingerly laying on his left side against the pillows and allowing his eyes to slide shut. He thought about the pain meds for a moment and decided against them. Some of the burns were very slow to heal but he didn't want to rely on narcotics. Let's see if he could go without them for a bit.

Drifting off, he became aware of the sound of Gillian's landline going off. Her bubbly greeting on voicemail was followed by an unfamiliar man's voice. Cal's eyes suddenly snapped into wakefulness.

"Hello Gillian. This is Russell. I'm sorry to be calling but I guess, well, geez, I feel a little uncomfortable now but I just wanted to see how you were doing. See if anything had changed." There was a long pause. "I suppose I was just thinking about you. If you feel like talking, give me a call." The man left a number with an unfamiliar area code and then her was gone.

Nausea rose in the back of Cal's throat. He wondered if it was just psychological or if it would be in his best interest to drag himself back to the bathroom. As a precaution, he quickly got to his feet, gritting his teeth against pain that suddenly seemed overwhelming and stumbled down the hall.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian guided her Volvo into the small one car garage and killed the ignition. Fatigue ran through her entire body and she had visions of bubbles and warm water dancing in the back of her eyes. And then the vision shifted to Cal joining her before she shook her head to dispel it. _What was the matter with her? It was like her libido had shifted into overdrive._

Allowing her business brain to push past the licentious thoughts crowded in there, she began to hope that Cal would be up to returning to work soon. Some heavy-duty cases were presenting themselves and she could really use some help. As great as their staff was, Cal was still top of the line and that's what their clients were demanding.

She entered her home through the adjoining kitchen door and was immediately struck by how quiet it was. The light was dim as the sun slowly disappeared. "Cal?"

There was no answer.

Looking around, she didn't see any notes that could explain his absence. Of course it was very possible he'd slipped out and had just forgotten to let her know. He was a big boy after all.

Moving into the living room, she switched on the light by the couch and almost jumped several feet in the air.

"Oh my God!"

Cal was slumped into the cushions, staring straight ahead.

"Why are you sitting in the dark?" She attempted to swallow her heart back into her chest and she sounded out of breath as a result.

He slowly looked toward her, tilting his head slightly, expression blank. "Gillian?"

"Yes?"

"Who's Russell?"


	17. Chapter 17

**_Thanks for all the comments and reviews! I can't tell you how much I appreciate them. :-)_**

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><p>Gillian stared down for a moment, slightly confused before realization sunk in. She glanced over her shoulder at the answering machine on the bar separating the kitchen from the dining room. The telltale light flashed back at her like an ominous red eye.<p>

"Russell is the realtor who showed me around Bald Head Island when I was in North Carolina." Her voice was matter of fact, deliberately steering away from defensiveness.

"Bald Head Island?" He sounded almost monotone.

"Yes. My friend and her husband invited me to use their summer cottage. They arranged to have Russell meet me at the dock since I had no idea where I was going."

"Just a realtor?" Cal looked up at her now, his expression still neutral.

Gillian had no idea what kind of message Russell may have left but it didn't really matter. At least not to her. But Cal was the one who needed to know that.

"Not exactly." She sat next to him as he gazed at her steadily. "Just a nice guy who showed me around and helped me make some decisions. I was hurt Cal and I needed some time away from D.C. Mostly time away from you I suppose."

He frowned and locked his eyes on some point beyond her. "I can understand that luv."

She sensed his imminent withdrawal and hurriedly moved forward. "No, you _don't_ understand. My _first_ reaction was that you'd rejected _me_."

Cal looked at her quickly, still frowning before opening his mouth to deny it. She raised her hand and lightly rested her fingers against his lips to silence him.

"But given your past, I know that's not the case. I had time to think and weirdly enough, Russell helped me work some things out. I was able to figure out what I wanted."

Curling his fingers around hers, he removed them from his face. "What _is_ it that you want?"

"You honestly don't know?"

"Why don't we pretend like I'm emotionally stupid…_because_ I _am_ emotionally stupid. I know what I see. I know what I saw this morning but I do have a tendency to misjudge. It wouldn't be the first time."

_Oh boy. Here we go. Time to put your cards on the table. If you want this to work, you have to be completely honest. No holding back. No shying away from the_ _truth._ She should have told him this morning but couldn't. Maybe it was the dream. In fact it probably was. There was always the worry that he'd get himself into some kind of situation that he couldn't get himself out of. But she couldn't live like this. _They_ couldn't live like this.

"What _do_ you want Gillian?" He squeezed her fingers as he repeated himself.

"You." She stared him straight in the eye. "It's always been you even when you drive me up the damned wall."

A tentative smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. "How did _Russell_ help you come to this decision?"

"He kissed me."

The smile dropped away. "Sometimes hiding certain facts is for the best darlin'."

"Jealous?" It was meant to be teasing.

His eyes shifted in intensity. They burned into her. "Yes."

She stopped breathing for a moment. It seemed as if the air had become too thick to draw into her lungs. In that simple, one word answer, he showed the depth of his commitment to her. He also showed the possessiveness that had always been hinted at but never fully realized. Agreeing to be in a relationship with Cal was not something that could ever be taken lightly.

"You don't have to be." Gillian whispered, meeting his gaze. "There was never any competition." She was being completely honest with herself as well and it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. The lightness filled her as she smiled at him. "I love you. Never doubt it."

His eyes traveled over her face, shoulders, the hand in his, the one relaxed in her lap and everything in between. _He didn't know what he could have possibly done to deserve this woman but if it was a dream, he certainly didn't want to awaken from it. Ever._

Without another thought, he moved forward and kissed her, pouring all his love and passion into several splendid moments before lungs could burst and blood pressure could spike. He leaned his forehead against hers as they both gasped.

"Wow." She couldn't meet his eyes directly without going cross-eyed so she settled on his lips. That worked. Nice view. "You know you're building extremely high expectations."

Moving away slightly, amusement coated his features as he smirked at her. "Oh, I always deliver on my promises. Make no mistake." Pulling her toward him, he softly kissed her again. "Especially when I'm more mobile."

She was close enough to easily lean forward to nibble on his ear and down his neck. "Well then, you'd better hurry up and get more mobile." The words were slightly muffled against his skin eliciting a low moan from him.

_I want to marry her. Big wedding, small wedding, elopement, whatever. I want her to be my wife. _The thoughts fluttered around and injected themselves deeply into his brain as he covered her mouth with his once again.

He pulled and she pushed herself onto his lap without breaking the kiss. There was nothing delicate about it. Tongues jousted, teeth nipped and clashed as passions arose once again. He dimly wondered about the logistics of making love with one bum arm and pushed it aside. Gillian deserved perfection, _especially_ the first time. It would be damned hard, but he could wait. She was worth it.

Sensing his shift, she pressed her lips against his cheek. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah luv. Just thinkin' ahead."

"Is that a first?"

"Oi, be nice."

Her tone turned serious. "How's the arm?"

Aching horribly. "Getting there."

Gillian nodded, not believing him but not pushing it. "Have you decided what to do about your house?"

Sucking in a long breath, he let it out slowly. "I think Em's right. It's probably time to move on." He cast a look at her from the corner of his eye. "Been a long time since I've been house huntin'."

Catching the nuance, she tilted her head and peered up at him. "Is there a subtle request for help in there somewhere?"

He was almost sheepish and she couldn't help but think how cute he looked. "Maybe."

"Hmmm. Well, if that's a definite maybe, I could possibly be persuaded to give an opinion here and there."

"Okay. Then I suppose we could safely say that it's possibly probably a definite maybe." Cal gave her a boyish grin.


	18. Chapter 18

The afternoon sunlight was intense, unencumbered by clouds in a pure sea of blue, as Cal stared up at the house from behind his dark glasses. It was a traditional two-story, painted off white with forest green shutters and a deep porch. Four bedrooms, three baths, a study, formal dining room, a den and an attic graced a decent sized plot of land. "What do you think?"

"Gillian help you find this one?" Emily stood next to him on the front walk, looking up as well in an almost eerie replication of her father.

"Well, she pointed out a few possibilities…"

The girl smiled to herself. She didn't think he'd be able to find something like this on his own. He would have gotten annoyed and pissed off half way through the house search and settled on almost anything. He just wasn't a shopper, no matter what it was he was shopping for. "I really like it dad."

"You think you could call this one home?" Cal turned to look at his daughter, eyebrows darting upwards from behind the frames. She was integral to the decision making process and it was imperative that she knew it.

The neighborhood was old and established with large leafy mature trees. Architecture ran the gamut from traditional to craftsman to colonial but what could have been an uneasy mix seemed to compliment instead. Lots of families wove themselves together with empty nesters who welcomed grandkids on the weekends. Emily thought it was an interesting choice and couldn't help but wonder what was going on in her dad's head.

"I really like the attic bedroom. It's almost like a loft."

"Are you placing dibs?"

"Is that okay?"

He flashed a large smile and she was happy to see it. They were infrequent. "Course it is darlin'."

"Then I'm all for it."

"Brilliant Em." Cal pulled his daughter into a bear hug.

A discreet clearing of the throat behind them gave a subtle reminder that they weren't alone. The realtor had been beyond patient and now flicked her eyes back and forth between father and daughter. "What do you think Dr. Lightman?"

"I think we have a winner." It was Emily who responded and Cal gave a nod.

"Excellent."

_**(BREAK)**_

Cal left the cube and one very shaken middle-aged man who'd been caught out in a murder plot. He'd been slowly poisoning his paraplegic wife of 17 years because he couldn't take the pressure any longer. Divorce apparently wasn't an option.

Running a hand over his face, Cal tried to wipe away the weariness. It didn't work. "All yours now." He nodded to the two cops waiting by the door before moving through the lab and out into the hallway.

He found Gillian intent at her desk. She didn't see him slip in until he was behind her and pressing a kiss to the spot where her neck met her shoulder. "Hey darlin'."

Startling, she gave an uneasy smile, peeking out into the hallway to make sure no one saw. "Hey yourself." She swiveled her chair to face him, frowning at his tired expression. "Branson?"

"Yeah. Bastard _was_ poisoning his wife." He shook his head, not finding words strong enough to describe that kind of atrocity. "At least the cops have everything they need now."

"Thanks to you."

"I guess." Most of the evidence had been circumstantial but Cal's opinion weighted everything in favor of the prosecution. "Back two days and I already need a vacation."

"Yeah, right." Her tone teased and she couldn't help but smile. Despite the tough cases, he was in his element and they both knew it.

Sitting on the edge of her desk, he gazed down at her. "Have some news."

"Oh?"

"Found a place." His hazel eyes watched her reaction carefully. They'd been roommates for just about three weeks and had, interestingly enough, become quite comfortable in the role. Except the arrangement had certain fringe benefits. Like extended kissing sessions with occasional groping, on _his_ part at least.

Fleeting disappointment slid across her face before her smile reestablished itself. "One that _I_ found or did something else catch your eye?"

Cal saw it and was pleased. She would miss him. That had to be a good thing. Reaching down he ran the back of his fingers across her cheek. "One of yours and it's absolutely perfect." His voice was soft, almost silken. "Made an offer. Should know in a few days."

With his usual manic energy, he suddenly leapt off her desk to go shut the door. A moment later he was crouching down next to her chair, hand stroking her upper arm. "You're welcome _any_ time. In fact, _all_ the time would be good."

Reaching out, she gently touched his face, combed her fingers through his hair, her smile tender. "I do love you." Her voice was barely a breath.

His eyes sparkled, casting her in a warm light before he moved upward and kissed her. It was slow, sensual and so full of love that she felt tears tinge her eyes. He pulled her to her feet so he could completely wrap his arms around her and hold her as close as he could as his lips moved to her ear. "You fill the space in my heart that I always thought would remain empty darlin'. I thank you for that."

Then she did cry. Unabashedly so.

_**(BREAK)**_

The red light was blinking once again when Gillian got in. She ignored it for the moment, more concerned about kicking off her heels and peeling off her panty hose. Pajama bottoms and an oversized t-shirt beckoned and she was hard pressed to ignore the siren like call.

Cal would be back a little later in the evening, having decided that Emily needed a bit more father/daughter time to wipe out the damage that Zoë may have doled out. He had said it jokingly but she knew that there was a thread of truth to it. At least in _his_ mind. So he'd decided to take Em out for a bite to eat and a movie. The invitation had been open to her as well but Gillian figured it would be best to let them have their quality time. If things continued to go well, there'd be plenty of opportunity for the three of them to hang out.

After changing, she pulled her hair up into a short ponytail and made her way back toward the kitchen, hitting the message button on the machine as she passed.

"Hi Gillian. It's Russell again. I know…well, I know that you said that you're with Cal but I just wanted to let you know that I can't seem to stop thinking about you. You made one hell of an impression, I guess." There was a low chuckle. "I don't know why I'm doing this but I suppose I'm still holding out some hope. It's probably dumb. Anyway, take care and hopefully I'll talk to you soon." The message ended.

Frowning, Gill stared at the machine for several moments. She'd spoken with him not long after he'd left the first message and had made her position very clear. This time she wouldn't call him back. She hated to be rude. It just wasn't in her nature, but she didn't want to encourage him. It wasn't fair. Best to let it go. She reached over and erased the message before continuing to the fridge to prepare a sandwich for a quick dinner.


	19. Chapter 19

**_Thank you to all who are following and enjoying this story! Hopefully I can keep bringing you back... :-)_ **

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><p>Cal received the call a couple days later that he'd gotten the house. A wave of relief flowed over him followed by the knowledge that he didn't have a single thing to furnish the new place with. Naturally the insurance company was dragging their feet. He'd started rebuilding the old house out of his own pocket and was less than thrilled. Now he had to worry about furniture shopping. Shit.<p>

He leaned back at his desk and laced his fingers behind his head. The domesticity of the whole situation was daunting. And he also had a new consideration: Gillian. If he went on his own, he'd go for leather and other heavy masculine materials but he was actually thinking ahead for a change. It was imperative that Gill feel comfortable there too. Too much dark leather and dark wood most likely wouldn't quite gel with her sunny disposition. But then again, he'd prefer not to have a house that June Cleaver would be proud to call home. Balance. Must find balance. He should ask her to go with him but then that could be construed as pretty damned blatant. But then again, isn't it obvious that that's where they were heading? But was it too soon? Would he scare her off? But, but, but…

Too many damned buts.

A low groan accompanied the sigh that escaped in a whoosh.

"Wow. A lot of indecision going on there." The object of his thoughts gracefully entered his office and sat on one corner of his desk. "Care to share?"

Cal didn't answer, his eyes slowly roaming from her toes to the top of her head with every area in between.

"Okay, now that you're done making me feel like a piece of meat, are you going to tell me what's on your mind?" The words were slightly indignant but she was blushing prettily.

He grinned. "Sorry luv. Can't help but admire. Kind of like a fine piece of…art."

"Good save."

"Thanks." Gazing at her for a few more seconds, he briefly forgot what he was thinking about. She was profoundly distracting. Pulling his boots off his desk, he scrambled to his feet. "Got the house." Yeah, that's what he wanted to tell her, among other things…

"That's wonderful. Congratulations!" Gillian beamed at him, genuinely happy. She moved forward and wrapped her arms around him in what should have been a warm hug.

Only problem was, with barriers dropping, warm led to hot very quickly when it came to Cal. It was almost instantaneous. One hand was in her hair in a heartbeat while the other looped around her back and pressed her into him so that their bodies were perfectly aligned. And don't forget the kissing. Blistering, passionate kissing that made her temperature shoot practically into a fever. _God, the effect he had on her_.

When they had to surface for air, she took a measured step back, hands pushing against his chest. "Someone could see."

"Mhmm." He stared at her with darkened eyes and a smirk

Sometimes she felt like smacking him on general principal. She knew she was kidding herself though and reached out and gently touched his face instead. He immediately turned his lips inward and kissed the palm of her hand.

The deep burns were almost healed. There was pink scarring which could have been reduced if he'd chosen to have skin grafts but he'd refused. More scars to add to his ever-increasing collection, he'd quipped. But his recovery meant something else too. The next step in their relationship was looming. She knew she wouldn't be able to control herself much longer and she was damned sure that he wanted her just as much. It was apparent in the way he looked at her, touched her and, oh my God, the way he kissed her. The thought almost made her break into a sweat again.

He had been saying something and it just occurred to her that she had no idea what it was. She'd been too busy imagining other things.

"Sorry?"

Amusement danced across his features, as if he could read her mind. "Furniture."

"_What_?"

His voice dropped to a low drawl. "Does someone need a cold shower?"

This time she did smack him, but only lightly on the shoulder. "You make a lot of _assumptions_."

"Uh huh."

"What about furniture?"

He suddenly had the good sense to look uncomfortable. "Feel like helping me pick some?"

"You want me to help you…choose furniture?"

Nodding slowly, he watched her carefully.

She started to laugh. It was pleasant and musical to his ears. "Sure Cal, I could do that."

_**(BREAK)**_

The card was stuck between one bill, two credit card offers and a sale flyer for the local grocery store.

Gillian pushed the door shut with one hip before shooting out a hand to turn the deadbolt. Her purse dropped onto the foyer table as she sifted through the mail, pulling out the bright red envelope with a frown. No return address but the postmark indicated NC. The frown deepened as she ripped it open. Nothing threatening, just a "Thinking of you" card. Signed: Russell xxoo. Of course it didn't have to be overtly threatening. His persistence was enough. She thought of his face, his eyes and tried to remember if there was anything else. Anger. There was that. But that had been at her rejection and would be considered a reasonable emotion. At least she'd thought so at the time.

Maybe she should mention it to Cal.

She slipped out of heels and dumped the mail on the coffee table before padding down the hall to change.

Of course he had _so_ much on his mind right now. Did she really want to add another worry? Was Russell dangerous? Her instincts said no, but she wouldn't have predicted that he'd keep contacting her either. Maybe she needed to call again and clarify things. Maybe she just hadn't been clear enough before.

Changing out of her work clothes, Gillian donned a pair of jeans and a sapphire blue tunic before returning to the living room. Cal would be by shortly and she longed for his presence. Especially now that she was feeling a bit unnerved. She knew she needed to bring it under wraps or he would immediately know something was wrong. Of course he might anyway. Even if he couldn't read her face, his instincts were razor sharp. Almost annoyingly so. But she'd accepted that part of him years ago.

He would technically be moving out at the end of the week. The new house was ready for move-in and the scant furniture he'd purchased would be delivered accordingly. The thought made her insides feel a bit raw but she knew it was inevitable. She'd just become too accustomed to his company. Was that really a bad thing though? Had it been a successful dry run, so to speak? She'd like to think so.

There was movement at the door. A slight shuffling of shoes, a light knock quickly following.

"Forget your key?" She smiled as she crossed to the door, feeling relief against all the tension she'd been harboring. "Hold on a second."

Without checking through the peephole, she slid open the deadbolt and pulled the door open.


	20. Chapter 20

Cal watched the other man from beneath hooded eyes. He had planned on being out already but this guy had walked in at the last moment.

"I really appreciate you taking a moment to see me Dr. Lightman."

"Mr. -?"

"Tucker. Robert Tucker." The man leaned forward to shake his hand.

"Mr. Tucker, you weren't specific with Heidi about what we can do for you …?"

"Oh. Yeah. I guess I _was_ kind of vague." He looked uncomfortable but there was a certain cunning that Cal could see which put him on alert. There was more to this guy than what was presented.

"It's kind of embarrassing actually so I'd appreciate your discretion."

Cal nodded.

"I think my fiancée is cheating on me."

The inward groan almost made it to the surface but he was able to stifle it in time. "Let me stop you right there. You know what we do here, yeah?"

Tucker appeared startled. The key word was 'appeared' and Cal narrowed his eyes. "Well yeah, you can tell whether she's lying or not, right?"

"What would you have us do?"

"Can't you bring her in a question her?"

"On what grounds? We're not the police."

The man stared, realization seemingly settling in along with forced anger. "What you're saying in that this case isn't important enough for you. No high stakes. Not enough cash."

"Actually I think a private investigator might be more along the lines of what you need."

Tucker pushed to his feet suddenly, the chair scooting back forcefully when it hit the backs of his legs. "So you're not going to help me."

Cal looked up at him, unimpressed. "Reception can refer you to a good P.I. if you wish."

"Thanks for nothing!"

"Anytime." _Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out._

Turning in a huff, Tucker barreled through the entry. He let the door slam behind him.

Frowning, Cal stared after him for several moments, his sixth sense buzzing.

_**(BREAK)**_

The man strided past reception. He received one glance but there wasn't any surprise in it. Apparently they were used to the boss alienating people.

Only when he was alone in the elevator did he let his act fade away.

He couldn't discount the intelligence and intensity within Lightman but somehow he'd expected his competition to be…taller.

_**(BREAK)**_

"Hey darlin'. Sorry 'bout that. Couldn't get to my key." Cal gave an apologetic grin as he stood before her with pizza as an offering.

Her eyes warmed instantly when they fell upon him, chasing away…what? Unease? Fear?

Cal frowned with concern. "Everythin' alright?"

"Sure. Why?" Gillian took the top pizza. "Mmmm. What did you get?" The question was thrown over her shoulder as she headed to the living room. She discreetly picked up the mail and tossed it on the end table, red envelope at the bottom of the stack before placing the pizza box on the coffee table.

"Huh? Oh, cheese…"

"Of course."

"And Hawaiian."

"Good choice."

"Thought that might be acceptable."

She straightened and found herself toe to toe with him, only a breath away. His eyes were dark and intense, a smirk curling his lip. "Hey."

Her heart stopped for a moment before it hit the ground running. _Oh boy_. "Hey."

Cal edged even closer, eyes dropping to her lips before bouncing back. She didn't move until his mouth lowered to hers in a pleasant kiss of greeting. _Okay_. Maybe it was _more_ than just a kiss of greeting. It tingled through her enough to actually make her hair feel like it was standing on end. _Damn_.

He stepped back, the smirk having morphed into a genuine smile. "What would you like to drink?" Without waiting for an answer, he'd moved further away toward the kitchen.

"Um. Diet Coke."

"You got it." Cal stuck his head in her fridge, pulled out a soda for her and a bottle of Samuel Smith lager for him. He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and loaded it with ice knowing how she preferred her drink before balancing everything and heading back to the living room. "Here ya go luv."

"Thanks Cal."

The evening was relaxed as they tucked into the pizza, the silence comfortable.

After he'd packed away his forth slice, he finished his beer and turned to Gillian questioning. "What was wrong earlier?"

She nibbled on the crust of her second piece but raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"When you answered the door, you seemed a little tense."

The concern was so evident as his hazel eyes shifted more into green territory. She _really_ didn't want to worry him. There was so much on his plate already. But shouldn't she keep everything out in the open? Isn't that what she insisted of him? Gillian gazed at him over the rim of her glass as she sipped her Diet Coke. Technically he was still recovering_, _although looking at him, you wouldn't be able to tell_. She knew better though._

"Just my imagination running away with me." _That was actually kind of true_.

"Sure?"

"Of course." Gillian batted the ball back into his court. "What made you so late anyway?"

He sighed and settled back into the cushions. "Just some plonker wanting us to take an adultery case. Walked in at the last minute and got kind of pissed when I suggested he take it to a PI instead."

"There's something more though isn't there?"

Cal stared at her, his brows slightly crinkling. "Why would you say that?"

"Just a feeling."

"You know luv, I have the idea that _neither_ one of us is completely being on the up and up tonight." His head tilted and he scrutinized her more closely. "Why don't we put all our cards on the table, yeah? I'll go first. I got the feeling that this guy was _not_ looking to hire us for a case. I think he had an ulterior motive."

"What kind of ulterior motive?"

"Uh uh. Your turn."

Her lips thinned out in a line. "I just don't want to upset you. It's probably nothing."

"What's nothing?" His voice lowered but his expression didn't change.

Pausing, she wrestled with it for just a moment before turning away and pulling the red envelope from the stack of mail next to her.

His eyes fell to her fingers as they nervously toyed with the card. He looked back up and waited.

Without another word, she handed it to him, a slight tremble to her hand. The sight made him angry for some reason. He took the envelope and pulled the card out, quickly scanning it before he met her eyes. "How often has he contacted you?"

"Um…three messages and this."

He didn't want to ask but he felt he needed to. "Have you inadvertently encouraged him?"

Anger flashed across her face but it disappeared quickly. She seemed to inwardly acknowledge his need to know. "No. After the first message, I _did_ call. I guess I just wanted to let him know that he should move on. Maybe I wasn't clear enough."

"Was that the only time you called?"

"Yes."

Generally silence was loud and clear. Chances are if someone didn't return phone calls, they weren't interested. It's been part of the male/female dance forever. What part of it didn't this guy understand? Full of nervous energy, Cal was on his feet pacing. "What are your instincts?"

"Last time I saw him he was angry but seemed resigned." A thought came to her suddenly, making her feel a little ill. "Cal?"

"Yeah?"

"This guy tonight with the ulterior motive. What did he look like?"

He took a deep breath, held it before releasing. "Tall, blond, almost white hair. My age, give or take."

They stared at one another as Cal's pacing came to an abrupt end. "The description fits doesn't it?"

_Oh my God. Did he actually follow her up here? _"It sounds like it _could_ be him."


	21. Chapter 21

"Called himself Robert Tucker."

"His name's Russell Tessler." Her voice held a certain sharpness that wasn't the norm.

"Got to admire the clever word play." Cal noted dryly.

The same unease that had flitted through her eyes earlier was back as she chewed on her lower lip.

"Sorry luv." He threw an arm on the couch behind her, his fingertips gently stroking the back of her neck. "We don't even know for certain that this guy is the same one but I'm gonna make some calls in the mornin' just in case."

"A bit of a coincidence otherwise."

Cal didn't say anything. He wasn't a firm believer in coincidence. The arm around the back of the couch now settled firmly around her shoulders as he pulled her against his side.

She immediately buried her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling the heady scent of his soap and skin. Her left arm looped around his midsection, fingers splayed against his ribcage. She felt his soft lips push down on the top of her head as she nestled closer.

"Are we just always destined to have drama on a leash Cal?"

He chuckled and she could feel it rumbling through his chest. "So it seems. Can't blame this one on me though."

"Beg to differ."

"Hey I didn't run down to North Carolina and flirt with the local realtor."

"Touché."

"I'm probably not even his type."

"Oh come on. Who wouldn't find the short, sexy British guy scrumptious?"

"Oi! I'm not _that_ short!"

"Kinda."

"Mean one you are. I'm…almost average…" His voice shifted darkly. "Height wise. Besides, what's this about sexy and scrumptious?"

"Did I say that?"

He moved his right hand to tilt her face up to him. "You did." He kissed her amid barely restrained passion. "And I'm still taller than _you_!"

"Not when I'm in heels."

"Unfair. Should I look into lifts?"

"Not on your life." Her face nestled back into his neck and she gave him a nip before running her tongue over it, smiling when she felt him go completely still. Gillian began to plant soft kisses up his throat until she met his eyes again. "You're perfect the way you are…even if you are a pain in the ass."

"You always have to put in that little addendum don't you?"

"Uh huh."

His fingers trailed down her cheek before weaving their way into her hair, holding her still. His lips met hers fiercely, hot tongue probing, exploring, teasing as she met every advance on equal terms. They pushed against one another in a battle of wills before pulling away, gasping, staring at one another hungrily.

"You're gonna muck up my plans luv." Cal's voice was strained, eyes dark.

"Plans hmmm…?" She moved against cheek, laying warm kisses up to his ear before biting down gently on the tender flesh of the lobe. "Sounds…mysterious."

"Shit." It was a soft breath.

Looking up at him curiously, she could see how much he wanted her but she could also see a certain pained, almost pleading expression. He was teetering on the edge and it all fell on her.

With a soft hand, she gently pushed his hair back from his brow, noting the slight tremble of his body. "Well, we wouldn't want to 'muck up' your plans would we?" Although disappointed, she refused to let it show. Let him be ready. Besides, her curiosity was suddenly piqued.

He leaned forward and kissed her again, this time tenderly. He wanted nothing more than to make love to her but he was trying to think with his big head, not little head, for a change. She deserved it.

_**(BREAK)**_

"His wife filed for divorce after what she perceived as 'obsessive behavior.' She didn't go into detail but apparently there were numerous domestic violence issues although no charges were ever filed. Doesn't seem like she's even had any contact with him since their son reached eighteen years old."

"Huh." Cal looked up at Loker slowly, digesting the information. "Is there an address for him?"

The younger man peeked down at the file. "Yeah, on Bald Head Island but he also has a chunk of land in Maine."

"Airlines have any record of his flying up this way? Either under Tessler or you could try Robert Walker."

"I'll check into it. Just curious what this guy is to you?" Loker's clear green eyes brazenly met Cal's.

"How does 'not your business' strike your fancy?"

He let out a heavy sigh. Typical. "I'll see what more I can find out."

"Thanks."

Loker did a double take before nodding and leaving Cal's office.

_Obsessive behavior_. Not promising.

_**(BREAK)**_

The envelope was delivered to her office late in the afternoon and Gillian had several moments of panic. It was innocuous enough though. A manila envelope addressed specifically to her. She received mail here all the time. There was nothing unusual about it. But she couldn't help the dread that slowly crept up her spine. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out counting slowly to herself, before repeating the exercise a second and third time. Chances are, it was nothing. Maybe she should call Cal. No. She was being ridiculous. She took another breath. Finally she was ready to take a peek.

Sliding her letter opener under the lip of the envelope, she peeked in almost as if there might be a baby rattlesnake hiding inside. When no such creature appeared, she gently shook the contents out with a frown.

A low clearing of the throat had her looking up again.

Cal stood in the doorway, his hands deep in his pockets. Expression cautious but his eyes were smiling.

"What's this?" She found her voice a little higher than normal.

He didn't respond, just waited.

Shuffling through the contents of the envelope, her mouth dropped open. "Oh…wow."

"Surprise." The caution had dropped away as he approached. But it went back up again when she didn't initially react. "S'okay darlin?"

Gillian opened her mouth again. "You just did this?"

"Yep." Cal was watching her carefully. "You…want to go, yeah?"

He let out an audible sound of relief when she was out of her chair and hugging him close. "Of course I want to go. I just can't believe it."

"Why's that?"

"It seems so…out of character for you."

"Should I be insulted?" He grinned as he asked, knowing the answer.

"God no." Gill placed her hands on either side of his face and kissed him deeply.

"Careful. The employees might talk." He chuckled when she pulled away and Gillian decided that she _really_ liked the sound.

"Oh let them!" She reconsidered. "Never mind. Let's shut the door. Wouldn't be a good example for them to see the bosses making out."


	22. Chapter 22

His footsteps echoed against the hard wood floor, reminding him how empty the house was. The few pieces of furniture he'd purchased did nothing toward the feeling of a home. It was going to take a while. He wasn't a materialistic person but he still missed all the personal touches. Fortunately photos from upstairs at the old place had been salvaged, only needing new frames thanks to smoke damage but so many more had been lost. All the art pieces he'd accumulated from his travels were gone. He hadn't realized how much it would sting as he paced the vacant rooms.

"Hey."

Cal startled and whirled around to find Emily standing behind him, car keys in hand.

"Hi darlin'."

"Didn't mean to scare you."

"S'okay. Just lost in thought I guess."

She stepped near him, taking his arm and leaning her head against it. "Feels kind of weird."

"Yeah."

"How're you doing?" She peeked up at him.

"Alright. There's so much on my mind right now that this place seems to be the least of it. How 'bout you?"

Shrugging, she didn't immediately answer as they stood in comfortable silence for several moments.

"Are you going to stay here tonight?" Emily's voice suddenly seemed very loud.

"Think so. You?"

"Depends…am I sleeping on an air mattress?"

Cal gave a short laugh. "Nah, your new stuff was delivered a couple hours ago. I'm sure there's lots more that you'd like to abuse my credit card with but you've at least got your essentials."

She gave a sudden excited grin that he was glad to see. A beam of sunshine through dreary oppressive clouds. "In the attic?"

"That's the room you claimed, yeah?"

The grin broadened as she gave him a quick peck before turning abruptly and heading back out the front door. She returned a few minutes later, pulling two suitcases.

"Anxious are we?"

Emily appeared sheepish for a moment. "I need to get away from mom for a bit."

Cal laughed despite himself. "She _does_ have that affect after a while."

"You won't say anything…?"

"Course not!" He thought for a moment. "Is this blackmail material?"

Her mouth sagged. "You wouldn't."

They stared intently at one another.

"Nah, most likely not." Cal shrugged as he said it and Emily narrowed her eyes before deciding to let it go.

She took the smaller suitcase and plodded toward the stairs before turning. "Thanks dad."

"You bet."

He watched after her before heaving a sigh. The sense of melancholy was pervasive. Maybe he'd invite Gillian to stay over with him. Seemed kind of ridiculous but he wanted her near… at least until all this Russell nonsense was done with. _Come on. Who was he kidding_? He wanted her near regardless. This whole situation with the would be stalker gave him more license, that was all.

Of course he had big plans next weekend, some of which Gillian was privy to, some of which she had no idea. He wondered how she'd take it. Was it too soon? He gave himself a mental slap. Seriously? How long had they been involved in this intricate dance? Years. Still, it was scary. At least for him. It was hard for him to put his heart on the line. There was always the risk of it been smashed. But this was Gillian. She wouldn't do that. Of course he hadn't thought Zoë would be capable of it either. He didn't know if he'd be able to bounce back a second time. _Christ._ He was going to drive himself crazy. Very, very different women.

And then there was Em. He thought she'd be okay with it but wasn't a hundred percent. Now would be the perfect opportunity to bring it up. Maybe he should. But what if she reacted badly? Nah, she wouldn't. _Still_. But wouldn't it be better to know? After all, it would impact his daughter's life almost as much as his own. _Yeah, better_ _do it_ _now._ To avoid his inevitable doubt, he grabbed her other suitcase and took to the stairs to head for her new room.

"Em?" He rapped on the door at the bottom of the second, narrow staircase leading to the attic. It was open, but he thought he'd warn her.

"Yeah dad?' Her voice floated down to him. Kind of a weird layout. He'd have to get used to it. He could acknowledge the appeal to a teenager though.

"Um…can I come up? I've got your other bag."

"Sure! Thanks!"

Cal heaved the case up the steps and dumped it at the top, panting. "Good God girl, what do you 'ave in that thing?"

"Stuff."

"_Stuff_. _Uh huh_." He muttered while she smiled at him. She was currently making her bed, having thought to bring sheets, blankets and pillows.

He hadn't thought of that. Damn. Oh well, he needed to get back to the office anyway. He'd just stop at the store on the way home. Hovering for just a moment, he grabbed the chair by her desk and took a seat. "There's somethin' I wanted to talk to you about."

Flicking out the blanket, they both watched it float down around the bed before she proceeding to fold the corners. She then sat on the edge and faced him. His expression looked almost fearful but there was something else there too, but she wasn't sure what it was exactly. "Is _everything_ okay dad? I mean, other than…well, you know."

"Ummm, there was somethin' I wanted to run by you actually."

"O…kay."

"You know I'm taking Gillian to New York next weekend, yeah?'

The grin was back and her dark eyes were shining. "If memory serves. You're taking her to see 'Wicked.'" The grin faltered for just a moment before turning slightly smug. "Which I have to admit, kind of blows me away. I don't think I would have called that one."

Maybe this wasn't going to be too bad after all. She seemed to be anticipating something big. _Right?_

"It's nice to know that your old man can still surprise you."

"There's something more though isn't there?"

"Well, yeah. You know how I feel about her…"

"Oh my GOD!" Emily suddenly let out a shriek making Cal wince and briefly wonder when his hearing would return in his right ear. "You're going to ask her to marry you!" She bounced off the bed and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "That is so AWESOME dad!"

When he didn't initially say anything, she pulled back and eyed him warily. "That…is _it_…right? Or did I just make an ass out of myself?"

"S'okay darlin'. I'm used to it."

"Hey!" She slapped at him gently as he smiled back. "Did I guess right though?"

He nodded, eyes warm. "Yeah, you did. I was worried about how'd you'd be about it. Guess I shouldn't have."

"You _know_ I love her."

"Getting married is a big thing though."

"You _do_ realize that I've been hoping for this for, like, forever? Well, since you and mom divorced at least."

"Really?"

"I'd just feel better if there was someone to look after you when I go to college."

"Not a good reason for marriage Em." He frowned. "Besides, I don't need anyone looking after me."

"Are you _serious_?" Her tone was teasing as his face twisted in a mock look of annoyance.

"I'm glad you're good with it luv." Cal hugged her again before standing up. "Now that that's done, some of us have work."

"Day's almost over."

"Just had a few things to do."

"Gillian still there?"

Pause. "Yeah."

"I see."

"Don't like your tone."

The wide-eyed innocent look suited her well. "I would never imply anything dad."

"_Right_." He turned to head to the stop of the stairs before shifting around. "You'll be alright?" The sudden worry hung heavy. The firebombing was too fresh.

"I'll be okay."

His eyes slid over her face slowly before nodding. "I'll be back in a few hours. Any requests for dinner? I'll just grab somethin' on the way home."

"I'll let you know." The grin was back. "Don't be too late and don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

"Yeah, yeah." Cal started down the stares before turning around once again. "Another favor?"

"What's that?"

"Wanna help me pick out a ring tomorrow?"


	23. Chapter 23

**_I apologize for the short chapter. Just kind of worked out that way. Hope you enjoy regardless!  
><em>**

* * *

><p>"No record of a plane or bus ticket under either name. Guy doesn't even own a car." Loker stared at Cal, his brows slightly lifting. "<em>But<em>, I did have a thought and decided to follow through. Tessler _does_ have a boat registered to him."

Cal sat up a little taller at that, gazing at the younger man intently.

"Sports cruiser named the 'Sea Drifter.' A 32 footer. Something you could easily live on. I checked with the marina on the island and it seems like he took it out on the 2nd and hasn't returned. But I guess that's not all that uncommon with him according to the person I spoke with."

Slumping back down, Cal digested that bit of information and decided that he didn't like it in the least. Of course there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it.

"Anything else you wanted?"

"I'll let you know. Thanks."

Loker frowned, opened his mouth to ask what was wrong and decided against it. He spun around and headed out of his boss' office.

Drumming his fingertips on his desk, Cal couldn't suppress the sense of disquiet.

There hadn't been any more contact since the greeting card and Tessler's visit with Cal. He figured the guy was biding his time but for what exactly? He didn't have a record. No charges had ever been filed against him. There was no evidence that he did, in fact, plan on harming Gillian. But if nothing else, it was creepy and Cal didn't like the idea that she was constantly on edge because of it.

Cal picked up the phone and hit Loker's extension. He didn't give him a chance to say a word before barreling forward. "I'd like you to check all area marinas to see if that particular boat is takin' up space in any of 'em. Let me know ASAP. Oh and nothin' to Foster 'bout any of this." He hung up without waiting for an answer. If Loker can locate the boat, maybe it was time for Cal to go down and have a chat with the wayward realtor.

"Hey."

Looking toward the door, he smiled as Gillian entered his office. He loved to watch her walk, taking in the sway of her hips and her smooth, graceful gait.

"My eyes are up here Cal."

"That they are luv." He moved his own upward, slowly, before arriving at her face.

"How'd the move go?"

"Fine. Such as it was. Pretty empty right now." Sadness thickened his accent briefly before he shook it off. "That is, um, it's an empty canvass."

"That's a positive way to look at it." She moved closer to him, fingertips brushing through his hair, eyes compassionate.

He hated seeing the compassion. It felt a little too close to pity but he swallowed the caustic comment that threatened to escape. She was the last person he wanted to push away.

"Suppose so." He grinned suddenly. "Emily loves it though, her room at least."

"Has she moved in already?"

"She was practically waiting on the doorstep with her bags. Guess Zoë's been…a bit overbearing lately."

"Not uncommon for teenage girls to butt heads with their mothers."

"Ahh…you are the true diplomat." He took her hand in his and pressed a kiss against her knuckles.

"Neutral like Switzerland?"

"Sometimes but not always. Makes it interestin'." With one swift movement, he pulled her down onto his lap as a surprised "Oh!" popped out from between her lips. Her arms automatically snaked around his neck to secure herself to him.

"What if someone sees?" Her voice was a panicked whisper.

"Thought you didn't care." Raising his face upward, he took her lips in his, feeling the tension suddenly leave her as she returned the kiss and relaxed in his arms. It was warm and sweet with much promise but they were able to keep the passion to a minimum. After all, the door _was_ open.

They broke to breath and she leaned her forehead against his. "I was planning on heading out you know."

"Were you now?"

"You're distracting me."

"Sorry 'bout that."

"Bet you are." Her smile was open as she kissed his temple. "Want to walk me down? Or are you ready to go too?"

"Um, actually I was havin' Loker check somethin' for me." He looked at her more closely. "Did you want to hang out tonight? I was just gonna grab dinner on the way home for Em and I. You're welcome to join us."

Gillian appreciated the offer. She knew he was nervous about her being alone but she had no intention of continually jumping at shadows. "I think you guys should have a quiet dad/daughter evening together. But I _will_ talk to you later." She pulled herself up from his lap as he frowned, clearly unhappy. "And I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to next week.

The smile was reluctant but it found its way to his face briefly. "So am I."

"You're looking forward to seeing 'Wicked'?" Her own smile was teasing.

"I'm looking forward to spending a weekend with you."

"We've been roommates for several weeks."

"Not the same thing."

Something in the way he said it made her wonder what was _really_ going on behind his eyes. He could be completely inscrutable when he chose and naturally, this was one of those times.

"I suppose not."

"Well, luv, let me walk you to your car at the very least." He was on his feet and chivalrously offering her an arm, which she graciously took. Waiting while she grabbed her purse, he escorted her down to the parking garage.

Making sure she was safely in her car with the doors locked, Cal watched as she pulled away before heading back upstairs. He ran into Loker straight off the elevator.

"Hey, I lucked out. Found the boat for you." Eli handed him the information. "Second marina I checked. Dock Master verified."

Eyes scanning the address, Cal nodded, making his snap decision. "Alright. I'm headin' out. Anythin' comes up, let me know." He stepped back into the elevator.


	24. Chapter 24

The breath caught in her throat when she cut the ignition.

From the driveway she could see her front entry. Russell stood tall and handsome on the stoop, flowers in hand. He was smiling.

Indecision bounced around in her head before anger settled in. Sure, she could start the car and pull away but this was her _home_ and she wasn't going to allow anyone to drive her away. She thought briefly about calling Cal but decided against it. She had no doubt that a call to him could very well result in blows. He wasn't fully recovered and she wasn't going to allow him to get himself hurt.

Heart hammering despite her new found bravado, she quickly searched her purse for her pepper spray and palmed it before slinging the strap of the bag over her shoulder and getting out of the car. She locked up and walked toward him, head up, face set.

"Hi Gillian!" The smile widened, showing most of his perfect white teeth.

"Russell, what are you doing here?"

The corners of his mouth sagged slightly before recovering. "Look, I was in the area for business and I thought I'd look you up."

Had he forgotten what she did for a living? Seriously? He wasn't a very good liar.

"I think it would be best if you left." Gillian had stopped several feet from him and now stared up at him, face carefully washed of emotion.

His smile fell away and he pursed his lips. "Okay. I'm an idiot. That was a bit of a lie. I guess I really just wanted to talk to you. Face to face."

A quiet sigh escaped her. "I think I was pretty clear on the phone."

"Yeah yeah. You're with Cal. He was hurt and you needed to be there for him." His tone trivialized everything and another wave of anger rushed over her.

"That's not it and you know it." There was a slight bite to her words.

"I'm sorry but I guess that's what I got out of it." Russell glanced toward the door. "Look, can we just talk inside?"

"I don't think so."

Something dark flitted through his eyes and she felt a tiny spark of fear again. The spray was still clasped tightly in her hand just by her purse, out of sight.

His eyes were suddenly clear and it made her wonder briefly if she had imagined it. "It's just kind of personal to be discussing in your front yard."

"Look, there is no discussion. I really would like you to go."

"Can you please hear me out?"

Staring at him, Gillian didn't say anything.

"First of all I'd like the opportunity to…prove to you that I'm a good guy and worth your while. Secondly, okay I don't want to step on any toes here but have you considered the fact that you might be with Cal out of pity. I mean, seriously, that's awful what happened to him but compassion isn't the same thing as love. The woman I met on the island was sad and confused and I _know_, it was because of him." He took a step toward her, one hand outstretched, flowers still gripped in the other. "I would just hate for you to settle out of some misguided sense of duty."

Her eyes narrowed. "You know nothing about me. Nothing about him and yet you think you can come in and judge us?"

"That's not my intention." Russell looked down and away, before attempting another tact. "Look, I just think you're a wonderful person. A rare individual who's worth fighting for."

Gillian felt herself soften slightly. This _was _her fault. She shouldn't have led him on. "I apologize for everything that happened. You're right. I was confused but I should never have allowed you to believe that I was…available. That was out of line. Please believe me that I never meant to hurt you. I wish you well and I know that you'll find someone special but that someone isn't me."

His face tightened. "Could you at least do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Please just think about what I said."

"I understand what you're saying but I do know my own feelings. I'm a big girl."

"I think you're wrong."

"That's not for you to decide."

His hands had fallen to his sides. Leaning over, he made a show of laying the flowers across the welcome mat. When he faced her again, his anger seemed barely controlled. "I can't figure what you see in him."

"So, it _was_ you that came by the office." Her heart was banging hard against her ribcage.

"Yeah. Lightman mentioned it did he? I guess I just wanted to check out the competition." His eyes darkened as they bore into hers, almost like he was getting a thrill out of baiting her. "He's kind of a prick."

"I'd like you to go _now_. Please don't come around again." She stepped to the side to allow him to pass but he just stood there, observing her. The hand holding the pepper spray was becoming slick with sweat as she watched his anger morph into something darker.

And then it was gone. The dark blue eyes were now simply disappointed, nothing else. It didn't quell her thrashing heart though. She knew what she'd seen.

"Fine. Goodbye Gillian." He passed her, crossed the lawn and climbed into the late model rental parked at the curb. Russell allowed her one more look before he pulled away and the expression chilled her.

_**(BREAK)**_

It took _forever_ to reach the marina. Not that traffic was ever particularly good in D.C., it just seemed worse today. Most likely it was only his own perception but that would always come back to his infernal lack of patience.

Cal found a parking space before pulling off his sunglasses and hopping out. The shadows were starting to lengthen as the day ebbed. Hopefully the dock master would point him in the right direction, otherwise he could very well be looking for Tessler's damned boat until well after dark. He didn't care too much for that option.

Without pause, he strode toward the large brick building opposite the marina.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian pushed her front door open, before shutting it quickly and locking it. With shaking hands, she found her cell phone to direct dial Cal. It rang only once before going to voice mail. _Damnit. _Ending the call, she dialed Loker.

After he answered, she skipped formalities and jumped right in. It was not unlike Cal. "What was it that Lightman had you checking for him today?"

There was a long pause at the other end. Cal had probably threatened him with death to keep him quiet. "I don't think-"

"Look, I can't get a hold of him on his cell. He's not in the office by chance?"

"Um, no. He left a while ago."

"Any idea where?"

Another long pause. Poor guy was stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place. Gillian knew that he'd pick the lesser of evils and that wouldn't get her what she needed.

"Okay. I get it. You'd rather piss me than Lightman. But if you know where he is, I'm asking that you go there…just…to check on him."

"You want me to _check_ on him?" Loker's voice was incredulous and Gillian couldn't blame him.

"I know…or rather, I _suspect_ that you've been doing some legwork for him. If it has anything to do with someone named Russell Tessler or Robert Tucker, he needs to know…well, he needs to be _extremely_ careful." There was a pleading tone to her voice that she wasn't impressed with.

He heard it and his response was immediate. "Okay, I'm on my way now."

Loker disconnected and all Gillian could do was stare at the phone.


	25. Chapter 25

There were close to 300 slips, making him extremely happy that he'd stopped to check. The staff hadn't even asked about his reasons. He'd been all set to expertly lie and they hadn't asked. Weirdly enough, Cal felt mild disappointment. _Oh well_. He was directed or more appropriately, distractedly waved over to the end somewhere. Slip #226.

The marina consisted of four floating docks jutting out from the main pier. The fourth dock stretched directly east before making a right angle and forming the illusion of a barrier against the open sea. This was the one he followed.

The _Sea Drifter_ was half way to the end. The cruiser wasn't new but it was lovingly maintained. Obviously a passion. Didn't seem like he had much else in his life…other than stalking Gillian of course. Cal felt himself bunch up inside, the anger settling low in his belly.

"Oi!"

There wasn't any kind of response. Cal wasn't sure of the etiquette of addressing someone on a boat, but he really didn't care.

"Russell Tessler!"

Still nothing.

Without thinking twice, he grabbed the railing and pulled himself up onto the deck. Directly ahead was the entrance to the cabin, to the right was a ladder led up to the salon bridge. He stepped up to the cabin door and gave it a good whack with the side of his fist. "Tessler!"

Obviously the man was otherwise detained. Cal wondered how easy it might be to pick the lock to take a look around. He wasn't even sure what he'd be looking for. _Duct tape and knives? _The thought made him cold.

"Something I can help you with?"

The sudden voice didn't make Cal jump. He was much too controlled for that but he turned slowly to see Tessler standing on the dock, a heavy frown distorting his features.

"Actually you can."

"And what would that be?"

"Stay the hell away from Gillian." His voice was low, almost threatening.

Russell stared before his frown morphed into a smile. "Wow. Are we a tiny bit territorial?"

"Nothin' to do with me. Everythin' to do with her. She doesn't appreciate your attention. Or do you get off by scarin' women?"

Tessler climbed up onto the boat and drew himself to his full height above Cal, attempting to intimidate by size. His dark blue eyes narrowed.

Having been on the small side his whole life, Cal was less than impressed. He'd earned respect by learning how to fight or at least holding his own. He was never one to back down. There'd been many times when he'd fought and taken down larger men. Maybe he'd bled in the process but that was okay with him.

"I'd never scare her."

"Well, mate, that is completely bollocks. I think you'd do whatever you needed to do to get what you want."

"You don't know me." He remained still although his fists began to ball.

"I know that you fabricated a story to get into my business to what? Check out the competition? Is that what it was?"

"Lightman, you are no competition."

It was Cal's turn to smile. "Oh really? Then why are you gettin' so defensive?"

"I'm not…this is ridiculous. I was up here on business and decided to visit Gillian. She's a lovely woman and…"

"That bit's true. I mean, the fact that she's lovely but the rest is rubbish. You weren't here on business. You have somethin' else in mind." Cal took a step closer, his temper rising, eyes intense. "What is it? What are your plans Tessler? If I took a look in your cabin, what would I find? Huh?" He took another step.

"You're nuts!" The man flushed angrily and turned away. "I think you need to get off my boat."

Cal stopped, having seen something that he wished he hadn't. He was right. There _was_ a plan. "Or what?" His voice dropped. "You gonna call the cops?"

The man hesitated. "I don't need to call the cops. I'll throw you off myself."

_Interesting_. "Fair enough." He raised his arms, palms outward, fingers splayed. "Go for it."

Russell tensed completely, obviously debating whether he should employ his threat or not. He took a sudden step forward as Cal smirked.

"You boys aren't playing too rough are you?"

Tessler startled and whirled around toward the new voice. A young man with curly dark hair peered up at them quizzically from the dock. "I'd hate to have to send you both to different rooms."

"Who are _you_?"

Cal was done. He'd found his instincts to be correct and it was time to figure out the next move. Without another glance at Russell, he climbed down and hopped off the boat. He started to move toward the main pier.

"The babysitter." Loker answered, smiling up at the blond man for a moment before turning to catch up with his boss.

Cal didn't look at him but his voice was a hiss. "What the hell you doin' here?"

"Foster called me."

"Why? What happened?" Cal stopped, turning to the younger man.

"Not sure. She couldn't get a hold of you and seemed a little…panicked. Wanted me to…make sure everything was okay. Said that you needed to be really careful." Loker couldn't bring himself to use the phrase 'check on you.' He didn't think it would go over well.

_Without a doubt. Had Tessler stopped to visit her? _Probably. Cal felt a little sick. He pulled out his phone. Crap. He had turned it off for his last meeting and had forgotten to turn it back on. He immediately direct dialed Gillian and waited impatiently for her to pick up.

"Cal?"

"Yeah luv."

He heard a whoosh of relief, almost as if she'd been holding her breath the whole time she waited to hear from him. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You went to see him." A statement, not a question.

"Yeah, I did." He started walking again toward the parking lot with Loker trailing behind. "He wasn't here initially. Did he come by your place?" His voice tightened.

"He was here."

"Fuck."

"I guess I don't need to ask your thoughts."

Cal didn't initially respond as he unlocked his car. He gave Loker a nod, who responded in like before walking to his own vehicle. "No. You don't. What do you say I swing by, pick you up and you stay with Em and me for a bit?"

"I'm not going to be driven from my own home." There was anger in her tone and Cal was secretly proud but he allowed a sigh despite himself.

"I'm gonna call the cops and give them a heads up but you know as well as I do, that there's not much they can do at this point. It would make sense for you not to be alone right now."

"I don't plan on living in fear Cal."

"You _are_ a stubborn one."

"Well, there's the pot calling the kettle black."

_Shit._

"Do you remember all those times at the range when you patiently taught me how to shoot?"

"Patient? Me?"

"Yeah you. I did absorb and I do remember."

"So, you're sayin' you can take care of yourself." Cal could hear her resignation.

"That's what I'm saying."

"You're not licensed to carry though."

Gillian bit her lip. That was true.

"You want to have dinner with us at least?" There was hope in his voice, making him sound almost boyish.

Gillian couldn't help but smile. She was so happy he was okay and really wanted to see him. Actually, she _needed_ to see him. "Sure."

_**(BREAK)**_

Cal immediately drove to her place hoping that he'd convince her to stay with him but not holding out a lot of hope. It wouldn't stop him from trying though. Of course he didn't have anything in the spare bedroom yet, but that would be just a minor problem. He'd be more than willing to crash on the couch and give her his bed…without sheets and pillows. Crap. Another stop to make tonight.

Pulling into her driveway behind her Volvo, he wondered briefly why she hadn't parked in her garage but shrugged it off. He was currently blocking the sidewalk but didn't intend to stay there, so he didn't really care.

Brief moments brought him to her front door, key in hand. Hesitating, he decided it would be better to knock. She'd been spooked enough for one day. He lightly rapped the door with his knuckles. "Gillian?"

He listened to all the locks disengage before she was before him. He barely opened his mouth to greet her before she was in his arms, warm breath against his neck. "I was…worried." Her voice almost choked.

Holding her, one hand was at her back, firmly holding her close, while the other gently brushed through her hair. "It's fine. I'm fine."

"You shouldn't have gone looking for him."

"Come on darlin'. You knew I would." Moving away slightly, he held his hand against her face, his thumb lightly stroking her cheek. "At least I think we all might be on the same page." His eyes were very serious.

"You agree he might be dangerous."

"Possibly. If he feels cornered…or desperate…he may lash out."

"So what do we do?"

"I am currently working on that, but in the meantime." Cal's smile broke through the heaviness. "I want you to try to push it to the back of your mind."

"Not easy."

"I know, but I have confidence in you."

Gillian slowly returned his smile, before reaching over and trailing her fingers down his jaw. "Love you, you know."

"I know. Haven't the foggiest why." His smile broadened as his eyes warmed. He leaned forward and gave her a gentle kiss before tilting his head to look at her closely. "You mean so much to me. I don't know if I could ever even put it into words." The words were so soft she would never have heard him if she weren't standing close. He pressed his lips to her ear as she inadvertently shivered. "Now, are you ready for food and my precocious daughter?" He moved back, now smirking playfully.

"That would be nice." She still looked a little frightened but her tough exterior was quickly settling in. _Good girl._ "Why don't I follow you to your place?"

_He wanted her with him_. "I can drop you off later tonight." _Or not._

Gillian almost said no, but his expression was so earnest that she couldn't bring herself to deny him. "Fine. Let me just put my car in the garage."

"You bet luv."


	26. Chapter 26

A _**tiny bit of "M." Nothing major but I like to be upfront. ;-)**_

* * *

><p>Cal narrowed his eyes and frowned. "I am not putting paisley sheets on my bed."<p>

Emily's grin didn't diminish. "How about the ones with the chili peppers?"

He turned to give Gillian a helpless look but she just stared back, lips twitching as she fought back a smile.

With grim resignation, but to the delight of both ladies, he found himself at the mall after dinner. He was usually a search, destroy and get the hell out kind of guy but naturally they weren't having it.

"Navy. Just find some navy ones with a decent thread count."

"You care about the thread count?" Gill's brows went up.

He suddenly looked a little sheepish. "They're _softer _with a higher thread count."

"BORING." His daughter declared but found something quickly. "This work?"

"Yeah. Fine. Let's go."

Gillian looked past Cal to catch Emily's eye. "Didn't you want to look in the print store? See if you could find something for your walls?"

"You're right! I almost forgot!"

Cal stared daggers at both of them but they ignored him. He let out a sigh, once again resigned to his fate as he trailed behind them, heading for the cashier.

Two hours later, they left the mall right at closing time. Lots of bedding, posters, and a large screen plasma t.v. which Cal had found a good deal on accompanied them home. He could have sworn that his credit card was slightly warm. He said as much and Emily just huffed. The insurance company had finally coughed up and she knew it.

"We could always go by the import store and see about some funky masks and statues." Emily made the suggestion but didn't expect much to come out of it. "Tomorrow, I mean."

Cal was quiet, a sense of melancholy pervading once again. He pushed it back, knowing that Em meant well. "Feels kind of like cheating when you buy stuff at those places." His collection had been established over _years_ of travels. And then gone in a single night.

"I'm sorry dad." She knew him too well.

"It's fine luv. Just gives me an excuse to go back." He glanced over his shoulder. "And this time take _you_."

"Hmmm…that would be pretty cool."

"How do you feel about bugs?"

"Not very highly."

"Gonna have to modify things then."

"Sounds like it. You wouldn't want to be crawling around through jungles at your age anyway."

"Eh! None uh that!" The injured tone was a little too heavy.

Emily could see him smiling. _That was good._

"Did you want to just drop me off on the way back?" Gillian had been enjoying the verbal tennis match but now turned to him, her hand reaching out, gently touching his arm before giving it a squeeze.

He didn't look at her and continued to concentrate on his driving. "Nope."

"Cal…"

"No, darlin'. You helped choose a lot of this stuff, so you get to help us with it." He turned and flashed her a quick grin in the dim light.

She knew he had ulterior motives but it was still early enough. Besides, she was enjoying herself, enjoying her time with Cal and Emily. She felt like she was part of their family. Of course they'd always treated her in that regard but now, it seemed more…_official_, for lack of a better word. Maybe she was making assumptions but it was almost like they both knew something she didn't, so they were making an even larger effort to include her.

"I guess I could hang out a little longer tonight."

"Now what would you do at home anyway?" Besides worry but he didn't add that in. "Couldn't be as much fun as staying with me...I mean, us."

"Most likely not." Her voice was matter of fact for Emily's sake but she shot him a sultry look.

He caught it and unconsciously swallowed.

She licked her lips, now careful to keep her gaze straight ahead.

"Full evening, eh?" His voice was slightly hoarse.

"You know guys, I _am_ back here." Emily reminded them, amusement evident.

_So much for subtly._ Cal cleared his throat. "Quiet you."

Blushing, Gillian didn't comment, instead choosing to look out the window, the ghost of a smile reflecting back at her in the darkened glass.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian helped Emily with the placement of some of her chosen wall décor while Cal fixed up his bed. Crossing to the narrow staircase that led up to his daughter's attic room, he could hear laughter and bits of their conversation drifting down. Warmth flowed through him at the sound. It meant everything to him that the two most important people in his life were so close. He listened for a moment longer before turning and heading down to the living room.

The new television was in its box leaning against the wall. He'd mount it in the morning. Too much trouble tonight. Instead, he flopped on his new couch and stretched his feet out over the new coffee table. Everything was just too damned new. He could feel it as well as smell it. Some people found it exciting. He wasn't one of them.

Dark thoughts began to invade his mind as soon as he was settled. He tried to put up a mental retaining wall but they flowed over and around, as if it were nothing. This whole Russell thing wasn't going to go away. The man had his sights on Gillian and had every intention of getting her. The guy was obviously unstable. Sociopath? Seemed kind of emotional for that, but then again, it could easily be a show. That's what they did. They presented the proper face to get what they wanted. Master manipulators. Kind of like him. _Oh, there's a lovely thought_.

He could really use a drink. _Shit._ The house was currently dry. He'd have to rectify that later. Probably for the best at the moment though. Needed to keep a clear head. He wanted to contact the cops but there was nothing they could do right now. Tessler hadn't done a damned thing. Frustrating. It would have been better if the guy had attacked him earlier. Technically he _was _trespassing and all but it still would have at least brought the eyes of the law onto the man.

"What are you thinking? As if I couldn't guess." Gillian gracefully moved down the steps as Cal watched.

"Nothing much."

"Yeah right."

"How's Em's room coming?"

"Deflection."

"Your point?"

She let it go. For the moment. "I would have given my eye teeth for a room like that when I was a teenager." She crossed to the couch and lowered herself down, one leg automatically folding under her.

"Eye teeth, eh? Glad it didn't happen. I like you with all your teeth." He was staring at her mouth.

"Do you now?" She had positioned herself close to him, leg touching his.

"Uh huh." Cal stared at her, his face still but eyes darkening.

"I suppose there's something to be said for having all your teeth." Gillian smiled in demonstration and it was lovely.

He felt his breathing begin to shallow and his heart accelerate. Without thought, he leaned into her and pressed his mouth to hers tenderly. She made a tiny noise of surprise before pressing back and parting her lips. Her hands found there way into his hair and around the back of his neck while his arms wrapped around her back and waist to pull her even closer. The kiss quickly spiked to unreserved passion as tongues prodded and teeth collided. It was hot and wet and so very exciting. Somehow she wound up straddled across his lap, pressing down upon him, mussing his hair, all the while feeling his hands wander across her body. One stroked her hip and upper thigh while the other brazenly trailed across her right breast, stopping to gently cup it as his thumb rubbed circles over the suddenly erect nipple. A shudder ran through her as she heard him moan against her lips. Her fingers began to work the buttons of his shirt.

"Guys? I'm coming down. Giving fair warning. Don't want to walk into something that might scar me for life." Emily's voice was smug, almost like she'd already peaked.

Cal and Gill both froze for a moment before she scrambled off and away from him. He stared at her shocked, still breathing hard but managed a smile. One of his beautiful ones. It warmed his entire face and eyes and reminded her how handsome he could be when he wasn't being a pain in the ass.

They could both hear footsteps coming down. Very slowly at that. _Good girl_.

Reaching over, she rubbed a thumb over his lips to remove her lipstick while he still smiled. Her eyes traveled the length of his body before widening. She then handed him a throw pillow.


	27. Chapter 27

Emily trotted down the stairs wearing her father's smirk. "Sorry. Just wanted to grab a snack before I tuck myself upstairs for the night."

Shooting them a sideways look as she passed, she headed for the recently stocked kitchen. "I'll just be a minute so you can… go back…to whatever it was you were doing."

Gillian reddened to her roots while Cal shifted uncomfortably, managing a glare toward his smart-ass daughter. "Did that mouth get worse while you stayed with your mum?"

"No." Her voice floated out from the other room. "Although I'm always honing my skills."

"Created a monster." Cal eyes slid across Gillian's face. She was slowly losing the bright red but a pretty light pink remained. Her freckles were starting to peek out from under her make up and he found that he liked it. "You okay?"

She cleared her throat, holding on to her dignity despite almost being caught out by the teenager. "Um, it's starting to get a little late."

"Not _that_ late." It was actually after eleven but late was relative, _especially_ on the weekend.

"I know what you're trying to do." The words were forthright but her face softened as she gazed at him.

"What am I _tryin'_ to do?"

Emily came out of the kitchen, peeled baby carrots with ranch dressing in a bowl in one hand, a Coke in the other. "Okay guys, I'm heading to bed." She stopped before them and leaned down to give her dad a peck. "Night Dad." She turned and smiled at Gillian. "Night Gill."

"Goodnight Emily."

"Night luv."

She left the room and didn't look back.

"A fiver says she's gonna be on the phone with Rick for the next hour." Cal looked after his daughter for a moment.

"Not a bet I'd be willing to take."

He grunted. "Guess you wouldn't. You were one of those once."

"Except she's a better kid than I was."

His eyes found hers again. "_Really_?"

"_Really_." She didn't elaborate as he stared at her.

"Um, anyway, you were sayin' somethin'?" His expression went innocent.

"I think it was along the lines of the fact that it's getting late and I get the distinct impression that you don't want to take me home."

"Oh that."

"Yeah _that_." Gillian focus became sharp. "I understand your fear but I'm not willing to turn everything upside down and let him win. Come on, he shouldn't be able to drive me from my own home. I don't want to allow him that kind of power." She laid one hand over his.

"I do understand but that doesn't mean you should be reckless."

"That's rich coming from you." There was now a tiny point of anger.

"True enough luv. I didn't mean to imply anythin' by that but we don't know what Tessler is capable of." He met her eyes. "You called Loker to have him check on me. There must have been a reason for that. You made some kind of read on the guy…or maybe it was just gut instinct but somethin' set you off. Loker could hear panic in your voice and when you found out that I was okay, your relief was pretty damned profound."

He was right. Everything he said was true. Was pride worth endangering herself? Endangering _them_? _But God, how long could she live in hiding?_

Sensing her indecision, he looked down at their hands. Somehow in the course of their conversation, their fingers had become firmly entwined. Even though she was angry. Cal looked back up. "Stay here, please?"

His voice had taken on that silken quality that was hard to resist. _Damnit_.

"Gillian?"

She had been gazing beyond him before she found his eyes again. She could feel his fingers gently stroking hers.

"I'll be good." He shifted to a grin. "You can have my bed. Brand new. Good for the back."

Staring into his face, she didn't initially answer. She _did_ want to stay but the reasons had nothing to do with hiding from Russell. Cal's expression was warm, tentative, face slightly weathered and lined but attractive. She loved him. Sometimes a fresh realization was just as powerful as an accepted one. "Maybe I don't want you to be." Gillian's voice went low.

"Sorry?" As far as he was concerned, she had jumped the tracks. His eyebrows went up quizzically.

"_Maybe I don't want you to be good_."

They'd almost lost it on the couch earlier, having completely forgotten where they were…and who was right upstairs. It had felt wonderful though, delicious…and it was only the very beginning. But what about his plan? The New York, Broadway plan? _Screw the plan_. _Not like it won't be completely lovely anyway. _He just wanted everything to be perfect. _It will be_. _Stop being an idiot._

The blue eyes blinked at him, confused. "Did I do something?"

Confusion began to bleed into worry and he instantly felt awful. "Not at all darlin'. Not at all." He moved forward and kissed her gently. "Just workin' some stuff out in my head."

"Anything I can help with?" Her lips brushed his this time as she gently unraveled one hand from his and trailed her nails down his chest.

"Uh…maybe." His eyes sank shut as they kissed again, a little harder this time.

"And what might that be?" She moved her lips down his throat, grazing lightly with her teeth. Her nails now raked across his thigh.

"Shit. Don't remember." Tangling both hands securely in her hair, he paused to look into her eyes and shuddered as they almost swallowed him. He felt the pull from somewhere deep inside. Taking a breath, it came out shakily but he smiled a true smile. "I love you Gillian."

His mouth was softly against hers once again as she opened up to him. All doubt, all restraint, every worry now gone.

_**(BREAK)**_

No lights on inside.

It was early enough in the evening that there should have been. Her car was definitely in the garage. He had checked. She should have been home but she wasn't. She was obviously with _him._

He slouched down in the seat of his rented Impala and stared miserably toward the little house.

This wasn't acceptable. He was the good guy, right? He'd been sweet, caring, gentlemanly. He'd brought flowers, sent her a nice card and would be willing to do so much more. She _had_ to see that. But why didn't she? Why would she stay with Lightman? He'd hurt her, right? Russell wasn't exactly sure what had occurred but he just knew that Gillian had been upset when she'd arrived on the island, blue eyes pleasant but he could see the underlying sadness. He'd been the one to make her feel good, make her forget about things. She'd even let him kiss her and it was oh so wonderful, at least until she'd started thinking about _him_ again. So damned unfair. The anger was beginning to coil and squeeze his thought processes in order to manipulate him and he knew that that wasn't a good thing. His white-hot temper was its own snake-like beast, barely controllable. Sometimes he'd forget things when it took over, although that hadn't happened in a very long time in all fairness. He didn't want anything bad to happen to Gillian, he really didn't. She was special. He could easily see spending the rest of his life with her. He just needed to get her alone, needed to convince her why they would be so perfect together. Lightman would never allow it though. The little limey bastard was the bane of Russell's existence…and he really needed to go away.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Okay – this is a short chapter but it is kind of M (ish) with a mix of sweetness and creepiness. An uneasy combination at best.**_

* * *

><p>Gillian awoke warm and content to the lingering smell of aftershave and sex. She was burrowed into Cal's side, one arm over his bare chest, head in the crook of his neck and shoulder. It was still dark with only a thin sliver of moonlight making its way through the carelessly drawn drapes. Cal slept deeply, his breathing slow and steady as she watched. Her mind flitted back to the night before and she smiled to herself. She'd stood and taken his hand. By mutual agreement they'd made their way upstairs, barely able to take their eyes off one another. The progression had been unhurried and their lovemaking had been tender, sensual and beautiful. He'd hinted at a wilder side with a glint in his eye but had left it to her imagination for later. They had so many new things to learn about one another and the prospect was exciting. If last night gave any indication (and she was confident it did), she had many wonders waiting for her. Heat rose to her face in anticipation as she shifted against him, looping one long leg over his. Cal responded by tightening his arm around her shoulders and hugging her against him a little more securely but he didn't awaken. They had lots of time to explore and discover.<p>

_**(BREAK)**_

Russell stared at the house through bleary eyes, shifting uncomfortably as a cramp threatened from somewhere around his right kidney. It was just after three and he found it unlikely that she'd be returning home at this hour. The implications were too awful to contemplate but he had to face the truth. She was staying overnight with Lightman.

He gulped the last of his cold coffee and threw the empty cup carelessly over his shoulder onto the back seat. Anger was gnawing at him from the inside out but even through its controlling haze, he knew he could forgive her.

There had been lots of time to think about things. The night had been very long. With a sigh, he turned the ignition, listening to the engine roar to life. It was now time to get some rest. He had plans to make.

_**(BREAK)**_

"Hey."

She hadn't realized he had awakened. "Hey."

"Everything okay?" His brow furrowed as concern etched into his features in the dim light. They were both whispering although the likelihood of Emily hearing from the next floor was unlikely.

Gillian stretched out against him lazily. "Mmhm."

"No regrets?" Cal's voice had a slight edge to it, almost as if everything were on the cusp of slipping away from him.

Her hand moved south and she smirked as he jumped slightly. "Nope."

"Insatiable aren't you?" There was a definite smile in the question.

"You have no idea." The hand made a nifty little movement that had him releasing a strangled moan from between his lips. "For some reason I'm wide awake and I need tiring out."

"I guess I could see what I could do about that." With the speed of a cat, he flipped her onto her back and buried his face in her neck as she gasped and giggled.

Some time later they were drifting off to sleep once again, warm in one another's embrace, tiny smiles flickering on tired faces.

_**(BREAK)**_

Russell stepped back on deck of the "Sea Drifter" at close to four. Even at that time of the morning, the traffic still had a tendency to snarl due to road construction. Some things just couldn't be avoided. Unlocking the door, he slipped into the cabin, blinking as he turned on the overhead light. It was small but homey. A full galley, dinette, queen sized bed, a TV was mounted in the upper corner at the foot of the bed, a sound system was also built in and of course a tiny bathroom and shower. There were also plenty of provisions, he'd made sure of it. Two people could be quite cozy for some time. She would like it. He was confident.

Stripping down to briefs he went into the bathroom. Despite his fatigue, he took a little time to manually release some tension, his imagination filling in the gaps as he pictured her behind his eyes like looped film. He knew, without a doubt, that she'd be even more beautiful in real life and he could hardly wait.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Hope my dark muse hasn't frightened anyone away.<strong>_


	29. Chapter 29

"You _do_ know that I need to go home eventually?"

Cal looked at her without moving his head, while he expertly manned the griddle. She was currently wearing a pair of his sweats, cinched up tight and his Oxford t-shirt, her feet bare. He liked the way she looked.

"Why's that now?"

Gillian let out a little huff as her lips pulled to the side and her eyebrows rose. "I was serious when I said I didn't want to hide." She slid onto a barstool, picked up a piece of toast and began to nibble on one corner.

"I know you were." He plated some eggs and bacon and set it in front of her, next to the juice and coffee he'd already poured.

She allowed a grateful smile. "I will admit that you're a handy guy to have around though."

"In what capacity luv?" He winked.

Coughing, she took a quick sip of juice.

"Hey guys." Emily made her way down the staircase, rubbing one eye with the heel of her hand. If she were surprised to find Gillian there, she gave no indication.

Gillian, on the other hand, blushed profusely while Cal gazed at her. She would have expected amusement but there was none to be had. His expression was gentle while his eyes smiled.

"Mornin' Em. How do you want your eggs?" He pulled his gaze away to peek up at his daughter. Their eyes met over Gillian's head, slightly communicating. Emily flashed a quick grin.

"Gill's gonna stay with us for a bit." Cal offered.

"Not _that_ long."

Hazel met blue as they stared at one another, tension suddenly clouding the air.

"Um, well." Emily sidled up to the kitchen bar and grabbed a piece of toast as well. "You're always welcome here Gill, you know that. Oh and scrambled is fine dad."

He gave a slight nod as his eyes continued to bore into Gilllian's, who just stared back defiantly.

"Thank you Emily. I appreciate that." Her voice was gentle toward the teenager but she didn't move her eyes from Cal.

"Okay. What's going on?" Emily looked back and forth between the two adults, eyes narrowing.

"Nothing." The answer came in unison.

"O-kay. It's keep the kid in the dark day. Great. At least you both seem to agree on that." The girl's tone was edged in sarcasm.

Neither Cal nor Gill responded to her.

"It just would be a good idea for you to stay here until…things are ironed out."

"And when is that going to be Cal?"

It was a damned good question. He wished he had a good answer. Tessler was the one that needed to make the next play and Cal hated it. There wasn't much he could do until then. Nothing legal at least.

"You see?" Gillian's voice was soft. She knew he was just trying to protect her and she loved him for it, but living in fear wasn't her idea of living.

Cal didn't say anything, just ducked his head to finish cooking Em's and his breakfast. He handed his daughter her plate, who took it with a nod of thanks, but her dark eyes were worried.

"Um, maybe I should go over to mom's today." Emily knew something was afoot but she had no idea what it possibly could be. All she knew was that she was supposed to help her dad go ring shopping today and it wasn't like he was going to bring Gill along. It didn't appear that he currently wanted her out of his sight though. Something serious must have happened.

He looked up, panicked and more than a little hurt. "You just got home."

"I know but it seems like you guys have some things to work out…"

"No honey." Gillian turned to the girl, reaching out a hand and lightly touching her arm. "We're fine. There's just something that came up and your father and I disagree on how to handle it."

"Are you in danger?" The girl's eyes were unwavering. Very much like her dad.

"Um…"Gill opened her mouth but quickly closed it. She didn't want the girl to worry but she couldn't brazenly lie. The truth was, she wasn't completely sure.

"Possibly." This time Cal's voice was soft but when she looked at him, his face and eyes were intense.

"This might be a dumb question but have you called the cops?" Emily swung her head back and forth between them.

"It's not that easy." Unfortunately Cal was beginning to think of other solutions. Ones that Gillian most definitely wouldn't approve of. Many of his friends were questionable, some more than others. Intimidation wouldn't be beyond a few of them but that could land Cal in some seriously deep shit. And the maddening thing _was_ the simple fact that Tessler _hadn't technically done anything wrong._ But then again, maybe _they _were wrong. Maybe he was just some guy who became a little too infatuated and needs a little extra persuasion to get beyond it. _Not bloody likely though_. Maybe Cal should drop by and see him one more time.

"What was that?" Gillian was watching him closely as a hardness fleetingly passed over his face. It wasn't something she was used to seeing. It was almost as if he were considering something out of his comfort zone. What was frightening was that there _wasn't a whole lot out_ of Cal's comfort zone.

"What was what?"

The expression was gone, carefully tucked away. She let out a sigh. "I think you know."

"Just a lot of stuff currently bouncing around in my head luv. I didn't figure that we'd have to deal with a situation like this." _On top of all the current shit_. The old house was slowly being rebuilt to eventually be sold. The sooner the better on that one. His burns were healed on the outside but still gave him some pain from deep in the flesh on his upper arm. Doctor said it was normal but it was still a bitch. He didn't really say much to Gillian about it, although he knew she was aware.

"Doesn't seem fair does it?" Her words were low as she shook her head.

Emily got up and took her plate to the sink, still eying them both. "I have a paper to work on, so I'll just be heading back upstairs…" She caught her father's gaze before standing on her toes to give him a peck. The message was clear: figure it out and don't screw it up. And then she was gone from the room.

"It _isn't_ fair." He moved around the bar to take her gently by the upper arms and pulled her toward him. "But we're gonna work it out. We're not gonna let this guy mess things up." He pressed his lips against her brow and she allowed herself to sink against him, eyes sliding shut. His arms always held an aura of safety for her, which was highly ironic considering his nature. Of course none of _this_ was _his_ fault. It was hers.

Cal pulled away slightly when he felt dampness against his shoulder. "What's this?" His fingers gently lifted her face to his before thumbing away her tears.

"This is just all my fault. No matter how you look at it." She pressed her lips together and widened her eyes, willing herself to stop crying.

He shook his head. "We're not gonna do this Gill. If you recall, I hold a fair amount of blame here. But the bottom line is that neither of us is responsible for Russell Tessler. Most blokes know when to call it a day. He's apparently not one of 'em but that is _not_ _your fault_." His hazel eyes shifted, angry, but she knew it wasn't directed at her.

"Can I ask you something?"

Blinking, Cal tilted his head, curious. "Sure."

"Are you…considering…other solutions…?" Gillian touched his face so he couldn't look away. Her expression turned steely, which stood out of place with her moist cheeks. "Because if you are…I want you to forget it. You will only wind up digging a deeper whole for both of us."

He didn't initially answer, his own face turning stubborn.

"Promise me Cal."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"You can and you will." Her hands tightened on either side of his jaw. "You talk about moving ahead which…" She faltered for a moment before recovering. "…which is something I want too but if you get yourself involved in something illegal to get Russell out of the picture, you could destroy all of this. Got me?"

They stared at one another for what seemed like forever but she was able to tick off the moments within the steady thudding of her heart. She watched frustration, anger, irritation, apprehension wash over his face and felt relieved that he didn't hide anything. Finally a grudging acceptance settled over him. "Alright Gillian." It was almost as if the words caused him pain, but she knew he was being truthful. He wasn't just giving her lip service.

"But I'm not saying I'm not going to be prepared." The implications hung in the air and she slowly nodded.

"I wouldn't expect any less."

"At least we're on the same page. Is your pistol…?" He'd purchased her a 9 mm and taught her how to handle it after the Jenkins incident, which, oddly enough, coincided with the time of her divorce.

"It's in the drawer of my nightstand."

"Ready to go?"

"Umm…"

"That's what I thought." He gave her a mildly disapproving look. "Let's clean it and take it to the range today. I could use a little practice myself."

* * *

><p><em><strong>an: This story had kind of taken on a life of its own. It wasn't originally planned to be this long but I decided to go with the flow, much of it due to comments and apparent expectations. So, hopefully everyone is enjoying the ride and not getting bored. Just don't want it to drag. And BTW, thank you so much for all reviews and comments - you guys have helped shape this!**_


	30. Chapter 30

He watched as she took a shooting stance, arms stretched out with the pistol in a double grip but elbows unlocked. She carefully sighted down the gun and squeezed the trigger. The sound of gunfire filled and echoed in the range, loud despite their ear protection.

Keeping his face blank as to not distract her, his eyes roamed across her face regardless. Her jaw tensed with concentration, her eyes and body very aware of what she was doing. Definitely a woman that could take care of herself. It was hot as hell.

Finishing her rounds, she moved aside to make room for him. Cal pushed the clip into his own pistol and took a similar stance before unloading into his own target.

Moments later, they were hitting their switches to retrieve both targets and inspect the damage.

"Not bad." Cal raised his voice slightly to be heard.

Gillian narrowed her eyes. "Are you kidding? My hits are almost as good as yours!"

"Key word being almost."

"Jerk."

He grinned at her but she could see the pride in his eyes.

The act of firing a weapon was empowering, the adrenaline rush not unlike participating in an extreme sport or even the simple act of riding a roller coaster. What made it even better was the sense of confidence she felt. Firing a gun was one thing but knowing exactly what she was doing, from the care to the loading to the very spot to aim to adjust for the kick made her feel strong. And she found that she liked it. When Cal had first purchased the weapon for her, she'd refused to touch it, let alone shoot it but he was remarkably patient and eventually she allowed him to teach her. It especially made sense after her separation. Feeling vulnerable was not something she enjoyed and thanks to Russell, that particular emotion was creeping up on her once again. This trip to the range was exactly what she needed to regain her slipping confidence. Cal might even begrudgingly let her leave his house after this (not that he'd like it).

They emptied shells, cleaned both weapons and carefully packed them away in their respective cases. Hers was a Walther pocket pistol and now as he eyed it, it occurred to him that a holster might not be out of order. Wouldn't do her any good if she's out and about and the gun is sitting in her nightstand drawer. The thought of a thigh holster almost made him dizzy with lust (what the hell was the matter with him?) but an ankle holster would blend the best. She'd just have to wear pants instead of skirts and dresses.

Cal paid for their lane time before requesting to inspect some of the holsters they offered for sale.

"What's this about?" Gillian looked at him curiously.

"Good idea to keep it on you."

"I have a purse."

"Would take too much time to find in that black hole."

"Very funny."

He smiled but she could see that he wasn't completely joking.

The clerk brought over a couple that would work for her Walther and demonstrated the adjustment of the straps and how they would fit. Cal had her try one on. "Well?"

"Feels odd."

"It'll take some getting used to." The clerk was a red headed twenty-something named Mike. "But they're not too bad after that."

"Can't be worse than some of those heels you wear darlin'."

Frowning at him, she didn't respond. It was true. She almost asked if he really thought it was necessary but the look on his face told her not to bother. His eyes were dead serious, that is until the point when he asked to take a peek at one of the thigh holsters, then he smirked. It was a little one but a smirk nonetheless. Her frown deepened.

Mike grinned. "These are _nice_." He pulled one down, once again showing how it strapped in and held the gun in place. He was still grinning until Cal shot him a look: _back off tiger_. The young man quickly sobered.

"It would be good when you're, uh, wearing dresses at the office."

"Why would I need it at the office?"

"More the comin' and goin' I'm thinkin' of…"

_That's not the only think you're thinking of_. Her raised brows and stony gaze said as much.

"Think we'll take the ankle holster." Cal cleared his throat, feeling the wait of Gillian's gaze on him. When Mike turned to ring it up, Cal flashed her a quick grin and she immediately softened but not without an eye roll.

_**(BREAK)**_

Russell knew what he needed to do. It wasn't what he _wanted_ to do, but there was no choice. Gillian needed help getting away from Lightman. She was just afraid to tell him. Afraid of how Lightman would react when she told him the news. Russell was sure of it. There had been a moment when Gillian had looked afraid and he knew damn well it wasn't because of him. It was because of the other man. He must have something on her. That _had_ to be it. No other explanation. The bastard was blackmailing her with something. But what? That he couldn't know but he _could_ help Gillian with her problem. The more he analyzed it, the more sense it made. He helps take care of things and then they could be together all free and clear. He wasn't a killer by nature but he could defend himself and the woman he loved. There was no doubt that Lightman would never let her go, so _he_ was the one that needed to go. Gillian would understand. She would probably even love him for it.

The more he thought about it, the more excited he became.

Lightman wasn't very big but Russell would never underestimate him. Sometimes the little guys were the ones to watch out for. He'd seen "_Watchmen_." Rorschach was small but he was vicious. Kind of how little dogs were more likely to bite than big dogs. Same thing. And Russell didn't like to get bitten.

He just needed a few extra supplies, the element of surprise and a little luck. Then Gillian would be free.

_**(BREAK)**_

"You know where he is."

"Well, I know where he _was_. It's possible that he pulled up and moved…or took off completely if we're really lucky."

"Not very likely though."

"Probably not."

Cal was driving as they headed back to her house. She wanted to change at the very least but he was still hoping to convince her to pack a bag and stay with him a little longer.

"You going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

Annoyed, she stared at him. "Cal. Don't."

"You're not planning to go confront him or anythin'?"

"Are you nuts?"

He gave a short bark of laughter. "Do you really want me to answer that?" When she didn't answer, he let out a sigh. "He has a boat called '_Sea Drifter_.' That's why Loker couldn't find any record of plane or bus tickets. Has it docked at James Creek."

_A boat. Talking about making sense_. A new sense of dread crept into her bones but she wasn't completely sure why.

"You okay?" He'd pulled into her driveway, shifted into park and cut the ignition. He now focused completely on her.

"Um, yeah, it's just…" Gillian shook her head, hair gently sweeping against her shoulders, unable to articulate her odd response.

"Yeah, I know." Reaching over, he sifted his fingers through her soft hair and gave her what he hoped was a comforting smile. She pushed her cheek against his hand and gave a tiny smile in return.

"You're home."

"Uh huh."

His eyes were worried, tentative. "Would you consider packing a bag?"

"No."

"You won't even think about it?"

She shook her head as his head and eyes dropped. The gentle hand in her hair fell away. They sat in silence for several moments, the air surrounding them almost thick.

"Would you like to come in for a bit?" She touched him lightly on the forearm.

He looked back up and met her expectant gaze. "Yeah luv, I would."


	31. Chapter 31

"What do you think?"

Emily stared down, eyes wide, mouth slightly ajar.

"Well?" Nervous flutters bounced in Cal's stomach, bringing nausea with them.

"I think she's going to love it dad." The girl finally met his eyes. Hers were wide and bright as she smiled at him.

"You think so?"

"Um, yeah, fairly certain."

"It's a lovely choice." The jeweler put her two cents in, attempting to be diplomatic but holding an underlying enthusiasm that had a lot to do with commission.

"Only fairly certain?" His expression held an uncertainty that Emily wasn't accustomed to seeing on her father's face. It was oddly cute.

Placing a hand on each shoulder, she leaned toward him, eyebrows raised. "She…will…love…it." She gave him a little shake for emphasis.

Cal studied her intently while she stared back, unaffected. He finally gave a slight nod, drew in a shaky breath and turned toward the jeweler. "Looks like this is it."

"Wonderful." The woman gave him a warm smile. "Very lucky lady."

Emily made a tiny excited noise that had Cal grinning widely.

_**(BREAK)**_

"So, you and Gillian have worked out…whatever it was that you needed to work out?"

Cal's mouth made a single line. "Not exactly. She's just too stubborn to…"

"Do it your way?" Emily filled in, feigned innocence running through the words like syrup.

He grunted but didn't rise to the bait.

"I thought that part of the reason you loved her was because of her spirit."

_Among so many other things. Some easy to articulate, some not even close_. "It has nothing to do with that. It has everythin' to do with keeping her safe."

Gillian had been back at her own place the last few days much to Cal's chagrin but as it was, there hadn't been any Russell Tessler sightings or any kind of contact. Gillian took that as a good sign, but Cal wasn't so sure. His gut told him that the guy was just biding his time. Then again, maybe he was just being paranoid. Of course it may not be such a bad idea to see if the boat was still in slip #226.

"Sounds like she can hold her own." Emily's voice was low but filled with respect. "Didn't you say she was as good a shot as you?"

"Almost but it doesn't always matter."

They rode in silence for several long minutes as Cal's darkening mood filled the car.

"Your plan is still on for this weekend, right?" Emily hated to see him start to spiral. If she could yank his thoughts in the right direction, maybe she could help him avoid it.

He appeared honestly startled. "Course. Can't wave 'Wicked' tickets in front of her and snatch 'em away. She'd kill me and rightly so."

"Do you know how you're going to ask…the other thing?"

His face was softening and Emily felt a silent victory. "Not exactly. Was just gonna wait for the right moment."

"You'll be romantic right?"

"I'm not a Neanderthal." He sounded insulted.

She had no comment to that. At least not one that wouldn't get her in trouble. "I'm sure it'll be beautiful."

A smile played around his lips. "Hopefully."

"You guys getting together tonight?"

They had just turned onto the tree-lined street of their new home. "She had a few things to finish up at the office."

"That you stuck her with to go ring shopping."

He flashed her a dirty look that still held humor at the edges. "Bloody good reason don't you think? Anyway, she's gonna come by a little later in the evening."

_Enough time to sniff around the marina again. Wouldn't hurt just to see. _

"She puts up with a lot."

The truth of that statement staggered him as he glanced over at his daughter. "Yeah, she does."

He turned into the driveway and cut the engine.

"No garage?"

"Nah darlin'. Have an errand I'd like to run while I think about it. Figure you have some studying to do…?"

"Trying to get rid of me?"

"Yep."

"Subtle, dad."

"Never been my strong point."

"No kidding."

"If Gillian comes by early…?"

"Just tell her I'll be back soon. It's not a big deal."

As she looked at him, it occurred to her that he wasn't being completely honest. His face held a tiny smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and he seemed to be gripping the steering wheel a little harder than necessary. But she knew he wouldn't give her any answers if she attempted to question him. He'd dance around and dredge up a dust cloud like he always did.

"Alright luv. Off with ya. I'll see you in a bit."

Emily gave a slow nod before begrudgingly climbing out of the car. "Is everything okay?"

"Sure. Just wanted to check somethin' is all." He paused a moment before picking up the small bag and thrusting it toward her. "Think you could take this inside? Put it somewhere safe?"

She took it from him a little reluctantly. "Sure dad…just be careful." Emily pushed the car door shut before trudging toward the front entry and pulling her key from her purse.

He watched as she unlocked the door and gave him a little finger wave, only shifting the car into reverse after he saw the door firmly shut behind her.

_**(BREAK)**_

Cal kept the Beretta tucked in the front of his jeans with his loose polo easily disguising it. The marina would be bustling with activity come the weekend but right now it was calm and peaceful. Only Cal would have considered it foreboding. Of course in his current frame of mind, Disneyland would seem foreboding.

He walked up the last floating pier, his boots making quiet thuds against the planks while seagulls cried and swooped above him and the creaking of tethered boats surrounded him.

Slip #226 was almost in sight.

_**(BREAK)**_

_No damned way._ This was just too good to contemplate but there it was. His biggest problem had just resolved itself.

Russell stood back from the porthole on the starboard side and watched, still not believing his good fortune.

He wasn't going to have to go hunt down the little bastard. Lightman was actually coming to _him_. Russell felt almost giddy with excitement.

Sobering, it occurred to him that due to this unexpected change, he wasn't quite ready. Of course it didn't take long to remedy that.

_**(BREAK)**_

"I don't know exactly. He just seemed a little weird."

Gillian smiled into the phone. "Emily, your dad is _always_ weird."

"Well, yeah, but this was different. I was…okay…I was asking about the situation that you guys weren't talking about with me. How he wanted you to stay with us and that."

She felt the smile fall away. "What did he say?"

"Nothing really but he got that look. You know the one…?"

"The one that makes you think he may go swimming in a lightning storm?"

"Yeah, that one. He was kind of anxious for me to get inside so he could go check something out."

_Oh God. He wouldn't. Would he? Of course he would._

"Okay Em. I have to go. Keep the doors locked and I'll try to call you soon." With that she was gone and Emily was left to dead air.


	32. Chapter 32

Cal approached the 'Sea Drifter' slowly, very conscious of the pistol grip pushing in against his belly. The boat seemed deserted but of course there was no way to tell for sure.

He contemplated the wisdom of breaking and entering. Hell, there was no wisdom to it and anything he might find would be completely inadmissible as evidence but _he_ would know and would be able to act accordingly…even if it meant breaking his promise to Gillian. He'd rather have her pissed at him then the alternative. Cal felt a chill rise within him at the thought.

Climbing up, he stepped carefully to avoid any noise and flattened his back just to the left of the cabin door. His ears strained with the effort of listening for any subtle movement or otherwise. After several minutes of nothing he reached out and gently tried the door. Of course it was locked. Glancing over his shoulder, his gaze ran over boats in nearby slips but there wasn't a soul around. Pulling a tiny kit from his pocket, he used several tools to pop the lock. It took less than a minute. If he ever decided to buy a boat, he'd look into sturdier locks.

Pulling the door toward him, he slipped inside, allowing it to close quietly behind him. The cabin was dark, the late afternoon daylight unable to penetrate the small portholes. He waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness before stepping deeper inside.

The boat's living space was neat and orderly, bed made, galley practically gleaming. He could smell disinfectant but underneath there was an odd sweet, medicinal scent. Frowning, he started to turn as fine hairs stood up on the back on his neck. A strong arm wrapped around his chest as a cloth was pushed at his face. He made the mistake of taking a deep breath in panic before he consciously flung his head backward. There was a sickening crunching sound as he made contact with his assailant's nose. He was instantly released as a strangled cry of pain escaped the other man's lips. Cal stumbled away, dizzy but pulling the gun from his waistband.

In the dim light he saw Tessler's bloodied face, teeth bared, lunging at him and knocking the gun from his weakened grip before the cloth was on him again. He gagged but managed another blow to the man's stomach, satisfied to hear the 'oof' of breath rushing from him. His head was swimming and swirling so much that he began to almost not care. Almost. As he felt himself sinking, he kicked out to sweep the other man's leg, happy to see him stumble and almost fall on his ass. Then Cal was down, on his side, his head tilted against the floor of the galley and then there was nothing.

Breathing hard, Russell rocked back on his heels from a crouch before pushing himself to his feet. His quickly wrapped the cloth in plastic for disposal and tossed it aside. With gentle, tentative fingers, he inspected his nose, hissing in pain. The bastard had broken it. Blood was still warm on his face and drizzling down to his mouth. _Shit._ He'd have to worry about it later though.

Staring down at the other man, indecision washed through his head. He'd had it all worked out before but now he was pissed off. Lightman had broken his nose and Russell couldn't believe it. Talking about inconsiderate. He had planned on using the pillow just because he thought it would be less cruel but now he was thinking that the guy deserved to be dumped in the drink alive. There wouldn't be anyone around and the current would take care of things either way. Still unsure, he pulled open one of the small cabinets above the microwave and grabbing a zip tie. He kneeled beside the other man and bound his hands behind him, pulling it tight.

_**(BREAK)**_

Gillian pulled up next to Cal's car and cut the ignition. Very few vehicles currently dotted the marina's parking lot. Probably would be insane come the weekend.

Heart pounding, she trotted toward the brick building of the dock master to find which space the 'Sea Drifter' currently occupied. A bell chimed as she pulled the glass door open and stepped into an almost empty office. One woman sat behind the counter, talking on the phone. She didn't look up when Gillian approached.

"Yeahhhhh…and wouldn't you know it? He shows up almost two hours late!" The woman was in her mid-fifties, with dyed blond hair, blue eye shadow and a valley girl accent. Age had apparently done nothing to refine her.

"Seriously! If it had been me-" Coral painted fingernails flicked through her hair.

"Excuse me!" Gillian interrupted the woman's personal call, earning a frown of annoyance.

The woman held up one finger. "Yeah, yeah, can you hold on for just a sec? I gotta… Oh, I would have tossed his butt out without thinking twice!'

"Excuse me, please!" Gillian's well honed self control was beginning to slip as Cal's influence took over for a moment. "You are paid to do a job here I take it?"

"Hold on, I've got an impatient customer here!" She put the receiver down on the desk, met Gillian's gaze coolly before withering slightly under her glare. "What can I do for you?"

"I'd like the slip number for the Tessler boat, please." She hoped that it wasn't listed under his alias. "It's called 'Sea Drifter'."

"Um, hold on." She pecked slowly across the keyboard. "Is that spelled with one 's'?"

"Two."

Another few moments of silence passed as Gillian fidgeted impatiently. Her heart seemed ready to burst from her chest as her mouth went dry. Unwanted images cascaded behind her eyes but she forced them away citing that they were _just_ her imagination. Unfortunately her imagination was a little too vivid right now.

"Okay, here we go…#226. Last pier, half way down."

Gillian was out the door before the woman even had time to close her mouth.

_**(BREAK)**_

Russell took a few moments to collect himself as well as to wash the blood off his face. His nose was swelling and bruising was already becoming noticeable. Not the worst injury a guy could have. Painful though.

He stepped out of the bathroom and glanced down at Lightman. He hadn't moved. Probably wouldn't for at least another 20 minutes of so. That is, if he were allowed to awaken.

Cruelty wasn't his strong point. Most of the time he couldn't abide by it. He thought about making an exception in this case but was quickly changing his mind. He didn't want to look into the man's eyes before giving him a shove and sending him to his fate. Unfortunately he knew damn well that the compulsion would be too great. He'd _have_ to look and well, that could be troubling for some time to come. Yeah, it would be better this way. Better for Lightman. Definitely better for him.

Now confident in his decision, he crossed to the bed to grab a throw pillow. He didn't want to use his bare hands.


	33. Chapter 33

Cal went to draw a breath and found it suddenly impossible. His mind and body were too sluggish to effectively fight but he weakly attempted to turn his face anyway. The oppressive force followed the minute shift of his head. He tried to employ the use of his hands but they wouldn't obey his mind's feeble attempts to control them. He wasn't even exactly sure where they were. The only thing he was aware of was the fact that he was dying. A red haze was rearing up behind the darkness of his eyes, while the primal part of his brain began to scream helplessly. The weight on his face became even heavier. Only one thought was able to slice its way through his agony. _Gillian, I'm so sorry…_

_**(BREAK)**_

Everything was quiet when Gillian approached the boat. She thought about calling out but her instincts told her that it wouldn't be the best idea. Instead, she slipped out of her shoes and climbed up, stepping onto the deck noiselessly. Pausing, she leaned down to remove the little Walther from the ankle holster that Cal had insisted on buying for her. Keeping the weapon down, flush against her thigh, she reached out and gently turned the handle of the cabin door.

Gillian stared in denial at the scene laid out before her. The shock dried up almost instantly, replaced by horror and an uncontrollable rage.

"Get the fuck away from him!" Her voice shook but the pistol remained steady.

"Russell glanced up at her, his dark blue eyes first delighted and then confused. "It's almost done."

"Get it off of him and move back now!"

He paused, now staring at her. Dropping the pillow, he slowly scooted back toward the bed. "I don't understand Gillian. I'm freeing you."

Gillian didn't know where to look. She was afraid to take her eyes off of Russell but she needed to know if Cal was still breathing. From her peripheral vision, it was difficult to tell. Her insides were quivering so badly that she felt like she might throw up.

"What are you talking about?"

"The plan." His eyes remained confused, which made it so much harder to take. She would have preferred cold and calculating.

Creeping closer, she still held the gun steady. "Get back."

He managed to scoot away enough that his back was against the frame of the bed. Tessler was still too close but then again, if he were in Anchorage, he'd probably _still_ too close as far as Gillian was concerned but she _had_ to know.

Keeping her eyes straight ahead, she crouched down and tentatively checked Cal for a pulse.

_**(BREAK)**_

His face was cool again. He wanted to bring some of that lovely air into his lungs but they didn't want to work at first. He tried again before he was able to suck a rasping breath in a rush. How could such cool air burn so much? His body reacted instantly to the oxygen and coughing spasms violently rocked through him. The same sickly smell from before hovered in his nose and throat. He could even taste it. The coughing turned into gagging.

_**(BREAK)**_

She couldn't feel one initially and the sudden intense emotional pain threatened to strip her breath away and turn her into a helpless puddle. She refused to allow it though. There must have been something in her face as she stared at him that made Russell blink in surprise, a tiny bit of fear flickering.

"Gillian, I don't understand. This is what we wanted. With him out of the way, we could be together. We could even sail the world." He started to get to his feet but quickly sat back down when she shook her head, her face hardening.

Cal's sudden ragged breath and coughing fit startled them both. Gillian fell back onto one hip, gun wavering. It quickly came back up as Russell tensed. In that single moment, his eyes turned predatory.

"Can you be everywhere at once Gillian?"

"No." Her voice was remarkably level. "But I can shoot you, you son of a bitch."

That gave him pause but he smiled. "Could you?"

"Try me."

Cal continued to cough but it was his body's natural reaction to the stress of suffocation. He wasn't completely conscious yet. She wished he were. All she wanted was to wrap her arms around him and sob in relief but she didn't dare.

"Are we at an impasse Gillian?" Russell voice was pleasant and in a blink all she could feel was hatred.

What she needed was a phone. Where the hell was her purse? She dropped it by the door right? Or did she leave it in the car? She couldn't remember. Wait. Did Cal have his in his pocket? Without pausing, she scooted closer to him. He was lying on his side but the phone wasn't in the nearest pocket. She'd have to roll him to check the other one. Because of his weight and the awkward angle of his arms, there was no way she would be able to do it with one hand.

Russell sat completely still, watching in amusement. Gillian found it unnerving as hell.

"Are you looking for this?" He produced a cell phone from his pocket. Cal's phone.

_Damn him_. "Put it down, slide it toward me."

"I don't think so."

"Now!"

He shook his head, smiling, believing the power to be shifting.

"Shoot the bastard Gill." Cal's voice was rough and painful sounding as he slowly struggled into a sitting position, blinking forcefully to clear the cobwebs. He now stared across the floor at the other man. "She probably won't unless you give her an excuse. For all our sakes, give her an excuse."

"This isn't the way it was supposed to work out." Russell's dark blue eyes were wide with disbelief.

Gillian wondered which was the true Russell Tessler. This confused one or the cold one she'd caught a couple glimpses of? The sweet guy in North Carolina? All of them? None of them?

"Gill!" Cal's urgent tone cut through the silence.

She snapped back out of her momentary lapse to find Russell on his feet, breathing hard and several steps closer. Now he towered above both of them. Cal struggled against his bonds, bleeding as the plastic cut into his flesh but not able to free himself.

"Don't do this." Her voice was soft as she stared up at the other man.

"I don't think you can kill me Gillian." Russell smiled.

"You tried to kill Cal."

"He's in our way."

"Says who? You?" She slowly stood, trembling but not from fear. Her anger was spiking into rage once again. "Where the hell do you get off? I was being honest when I said that I wasn't interested. I love Cal and I don't want anyone, I mean, _anyone_ else. Is this clear enough yet? But you are right about one thing. I don't think I can kill you."

Both men were staring at her but for different reasons. Russell started to grin. "I knew it."

"Oh get over yourself. I said I didn't think I could _kill_ you." She cocked the pistol, knowing it was extraneous but using it for effect. "But it doesn't mean I couldn't _shoot_ you. Lots of places to aim that wouldn't be fatal. But painful…well, I can guarantee _that_." The gun wavered over his arms, legs, and stayed at length on his groin. "Now, sit your ass down and slide me the fucking phone already!"

Cal studied her carefully, a new admiration seeping into his face. "She means it mate. Unless you want to be down one or two testicles, assuming you have any to begin with, you better do what she says." His voice still sounded pained which brought a fresh wave of anger over Gillian.

Tessler finally backed away and sat heavily on the bed, before leaning over and skittering Cal's phone toward her.

Crouching once again, she kept her eyes and gun focused as she picked it up and tapped 9-1-1.

Cal now watched the other man closely as well, marveling at the myriad of expressions that rapidly crossed his face. Fear, anger, confusion, cunning, befuddlement, admiration, arousal and so much more and then he just went completely blank, his eyes going dead. Like the switch had been turned off. It was unnerving, even for Cal. He figured that somewhere nearby there would be a host of shrinks that were going to have field day with this guy.

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><p><strong><em>Thank you so much for all your comments and reviews!<em>**


	34. Chapter 34

"You nervous?"

"Do I _look_ nervous?"

Emily eyed him. "Actually, yeah you do."

Taking a breath, Cal finished packing before zipping up the small carry on. "She was pretty pissed at me Em."

"Well you _did_ almost get yourself killed again. I'm even still a little pissed at you." Her tone was nonchalant, like it was an everyday occurrence.

"In my defense, the guy was already planning it. I just…helped him step it up a bit."

"You walked right into it."

"I know. Not my brightest moment."

The girl didn't say anything initially, just observed her dad. He was nervous, yeah, but there was also an underlying sadness. It occurred to her that he fully expected to be rejected. He didn't think Gillian would say yes.

She stepped close and gave him a hug. After a moment of surprise, he hugged her back and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

"It's going to be fine dad. She loves you." Her words were somewhat muffled against his shirt.

"I know she does but sometimes it's not enough."

"If you pull together as a team, it will be."

Cal stepped out of the embrace, his hands on her upper arms as he studied her. "How _old_ are you?"

"Well, if you believe in reincarnation, my soul is probably older than yours."

He raised an eyebrow, his eyes suddenly laughing. "Of that, I have no doubt." He pulled her into another hug before kissing her temple. "Guess I should head out."

They had an 11:00 flight and he needed to swoop by to pick up Gillian before getting their butts to the airport.

"Do you have it worked out how you're going to ask?" She'd brought it up before and he'd been noncommittal. He did, in fact, kind of have a loose plan but he preferred to torture his daughter by not saying anything. If it all worked out, he'd tell her when he got home. If not…well…he didn't really want to think about that possibility. But of course that's all he _could_ think about.

"I'll let you know."

"Fine. Be like that." Her tone was teasing but not without an underlying annoyance.

Cal grabbed his bag and headed down the stairs while Emily trailed behind. "So you'll be going over to you mum's soon?"

"I'm not a little kid."

"No but you're my kid and I want to make sure you're okay." Stopping by the door, he grabbed his jacket and turned to catch the girl's eye.

"The plan is to enjoy a bit of quiet when you're gone and then I'll arrive at mom's in time for dinner. Is that good enough?"

"Suppose so." He didn't move, a tiny bit of worry on his face.

"Don't you have a lady to pick up and a flight to catch?" Hint hint. Go. _Now_.

The worry didn't leave but he offered a smile. "Okay, I'm going. You be good, yeah?"

"Face it, I'm a good kid."

"Yeah luv, you are. I'm very lucky." He pecked her on the cheek. "I'm outta here."

_**(BREAK)**_

The ring was warm in his pocket. Had been since the airport, since the afternoon performance of _Wicked_, since the lovely dinner following the show. He just hadn't found the right moment. Or maybe he was chickening out.

"You've been quiet." Gillian looked at him as they took a cab back to their hotel. There had been some tension following the whole incident on the boat but she was slowly letting it go. It was close to impossible to stay angry with him. And then of course the entire weekend had been wonderful. He'd gone all out, including staying at a suite at the Plaza, which had surprised and impressed her to say the least.

"Just rolling things around in my head."

"Anything in particular?"

The cab pulled up in front of the hotel and Cal jumped out without answering. He turned to take her hand to help her out. She looked amazing and it was really hard to keep his eyes off her. She was wearing a turquoise strapless cocktail dress in a shimmering satin that clung in all the right places. Her hair was swept up, but allowed several strands to frame her face. All evening he'd had to glower at other men when their eyes got a little too friendly.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?"

She smiled, almost shyly. "Yes. Several times in fact."

"Just checking." He quickly paid the cabbie before returning to her side to slide an arm around her waist as they headed back toward the hotel. The doorman waiting patiently while they approached but Cal stopped short.

"What's the matter?" Confusion immediately crossed her face.

"Oh, nothin' luv. Just had an idea." His grin was sudden, large and boyish.

She stared at him suspiciously. "Should I be concerned?"

"No. Absolutely not. Well, maybe. Guess we'll see." Cal guided her to the line up of hansom cabs instead. He chose one being drawn by a beautiful chestnut mare with a flaxen mane and tail and had a quick conversation with the driver. He kept his voice low so Gillian wasn't able to catch the exchange. The young woman smiled widely at him and nodded several times. She then climbed up into the front like a spider monkey.

"Alright darlin'. This is Brittany and her horse Gidget. Your carriage now awaits."

"Oh my God Cal." She stared, mouth slightly ajar. "When did you become so romantic?"

"Ouch luv. Ouch." He handed her up into the buggy and swung himself in while she got situated, allowing her to smooth her dress before he plopped down next to her. "The romance is there. Sometimes misplace it is all."

Her eyes glittered. "I've always wanted to do this."

"Guess it's somethin' to mark off your 'to do' list, yeah?"

She just looked so beautiful and so excited that he couldn't help but lean over and softly kiss her. It was short and sweet and both pulled away smiling.

"You all set back there?"

"Absolutely darlin'."

The girl nodded before guiding Gidget into the procession of carriages heading toward the south end of Central Park. Hooves clip clopped along the pavement at an easy pace, relaxed and unhurried.

Cal's hand found itself entwined with Gillian's. He wasn't conscious of who initiated it but he squeezed gently, earning him a beaming smile before her gaze flickered elsewhere. She had the enthusiasm of a child and it made his heart ache tenderly as he watched. _Would he screw up her evening by asking her? Would the weekend end in_ _disappointment and awkwardness?_ His fear loomed darkly but he quickly tucked it away when Gillian faced him.

"Is everything okay?" Her face was slightly pale in the bright moonlight.

"Course luv. Why wouldn't it be?"

"You tell me."

He didn't. "I sometimes forget how much fun this town can be."

_Something was up._ Gillian could feel it. "As much fun as Vegas?"

"Um, depends if I'm persona non grata there or not." He gave her a smirk.

"Of course."

As they proceeded deeper into the foliage of the park, the stars were becoming a bit more evident. Gillian gazed upward as Cal kept his eyes on her. Somewhere the sound of a saxophone carried through the night air.

"This is nice."

"It's beautiful luv."

Her eyes met his again, face soft. "Thank you."

Startled, he blinked. "What for?"

"This. Everything. For being you."

Cal regarded her quietly. "Thought being me caused a crap load of problems."

"It does. Sometimes. But it's hard to imagine you any other way. You wouldn't be Cal Lightman otherwise."

His eyes fell to their tightly laced fingers and he gently brushed his thumb against the back of her hand. "Can I ask you somethin'?"

"Sure."

"Did you mean what you said?"

"About what?" She suspected she knew but couldn't be completely positive.

"On the boat. When you were readin' Tessler the riot act." He continued to concentrate on their fingers. Her nails were painted a soft pink naturally. "You said you didn't want anyone else." With effort, he dragged his eyes upward but only managed to stare at her right ear. A small diamond graced it.

About 15 heartbeats thudded in his ears as he waited.

"I meant what I said."

When he finally met her eyes, he was unsurprised to find hers shimmering. Gillian always wore her heart on her sleeve and it was lovely.

"Well." He cleared his throat. "That there is good to know."

_Deep breathes. But not too deep. Must not hyperventilate. _ He gently untangled his hand from hers as he slid off the seat onto one knee.

Her eyes widened, just this side of astonished.

Cal pulled the little velvet box from his pocket that he'd been latching onto for the better part of 12 hours and flicked it open in presentation. It was a criss-cross design with a single carat diamond in the center flanked by two dozen smaller stones. It was breathtaking. "Gillian Foster, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Fear. Lots of fear all over his face.

_Was she breathing? Breathing was a very good thing. Not overrated at all. _ She stared at him, seeing but already knowing how hard this was for him. Cal wasn't a man to emotionally expose himself. He was guarded, suspicious. Every feeling was carefully monitored. Trust had to be earned, not freely given. But here he was, completely opening himself up to her.

_Had he ever be _this_ scared before? He couldn't recall. Maybe when he held Emily for the first time but that was different. His daughter hadn't really had the option of rejecting him. _Gillian did.

"Yes." The single syllable was practically a sob but it was the voice of every top soprano in the world to him.

"Really?" A dumbfounded smile highlighted his features.

"Uh huh." She nodded, tears slowly overflowing.

His smile turned dopey as he swiftly moved upward against her, kissing her deeply, passionately as her arms wrapped around the back of his neck.

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><p><em><strong>I think this possibly might be a good place to end this one, unless of course you want the whole wedding thing and such.<strong>_

_**Either way thanks so much for reading, reviewing and encouraging!**_


	35. Chapter 35

**_Epilogue_**

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><p>Gillian awoke in the dim light of the morning with her husband's warm body spooning against her. She shifted onto her back, stretching with a low groan and angled her face toward him, eyes settling on his sleeping face. He sighed in response, still curled against her but didn't awaken. Smiling, she watched over him, observing him at his most peaceful. Lines had deepened over the last 12 years, there was a lot more gray in his silky but full head of hair but it was also laced through the red-gold beard that he'd grown out. She teased that he looked a little like a sea captain but she liked it. He looked distinguished. At sixty, he'd mellowed a bit but he still had his moments. Moments that reminded her of the same intense passion that had fueled her love for him. Looking back, she could see now that it could have only gone two ways. She would have to have fallen in love with him or killed him. It had worked out for the best.<p>

"Hey." His hazel eyes were now open and staring at her, bemused.

"Hey sleepy head."

Cal frowned. "What time is it? Weekend isn't it?"

"Um, 6:20 and yes."

"Is everythin' okay?" Meaning: Why the hell are you awake so early on Saturday?

"Fine." She turned on her side to face him, scooting closer.

His eyes combed over her face before settling into a smile. She always loved that he could smile with only his eyes. It was a gift.

Moving forward, he tenderly kissed her lips before pulling back ever so slightly. "Need help gettin' back to sleep?" One brow quirked upward.

"Don't think I'll be going back to sleep."

"Oh really?" He moved close again, running his lips down her jaw line to her neck, pleased when he felt her pulse quicken. One hand made its way around to the small of her back, fingers barely dipping into the back of her pajama bottoms.

After all this time, his touch continued to excite her. He knew exactly what made her tick, hum, sweat, giggle, gasp and occasionally scream. Immediately her body began to respond as always, her eyes sliding shut, mouth barely parted open. His lips worked down to her collarbone before planting warm kisses to her chest as the fingers of one hand dexterously unbuttoned her jammie top. His mouth was at the swell of her right breast when the breathless words tumbled from her lips, causing him to freeze.

"You do realize the twins are here?"

The pause was exceptionally long before he spoke, his beautiful lilt muffled against her flesh. "Door locked?"

"Uhhhh…"

"Shit."

"Cal!" The reprimand was not with humor.

"Hold that thought darlin'." He leaned over, gave her a quick but passionate kiss that curled her toes before slipping out from under the covers and checking the door. As suspected, it wasn't locked. He quickly remedied the situation before playfully bouncing back on the bed and landed squarely on top of Gillian. Staring down into her eyes, he kissed her on the nose. "How much time do you think we have?"

"Half an hour, hour if we're _really_ lucky."

"Hmmm…well anything left unfinished we can pick up tonight after the kids are wiped."

"Only problem is that we'll most likely be wiped too."

Five-year-olds were like car batteries. The more they ran, the more energy they seemed to have.

Cal continued to stare down at her. "Well, waste not, want not." Leaning down, he kissed her again as her arms quickly wrapped around him, securing him to her.

_**(BREAK)**_

"Grandpa!"

"Nah, you must have me confused with some other old guy."

Giggles filled the air as two children bounced toward him. The girl was dark haired and dark eyed like Emily and her husband, while the boy held Cal's coloring, including his chameleon-like hazel eyes. Ah, genetics.

When Gillian had gone into the shower, Cal had unlocked the door, having heard the whispers of movement from the hallway. The timing had happily worked out.

"Are we going to the zoo?"

Maddie looked up at her grandfather expectantly while Jason bounced around on the bed like a wildebeest. She looked so much like Emily that he felt his heart clench. "I seem to remember possibly maybe sayin' somethin' 'bout that at one time or another…"

"Uh huh. You said today."

"Did I?"

"Uh huh." The little girl climbed into Cal's lap, completely ignoring her brother whom she considered a barbarian.

"Are you sure?"

"Yup."

"Positive?'

"Grandpa!"

He grinned, his fingers finding tickle spots as the girl screamed with laughter.

Not to be left out, Jason was suddenly on Cal's back, wrapping his little arms around his neck, who naturally feigned being choked. "Arrgh. No strangling your granddad! Your mum would frown on it!" The boy laughed, high and delighted.

Gillian stood quietly in the doorway, taking advantage of the moment, wishing she had time to grab her camera, but knowing she didn't. Emily and Josh were taking a long overdue weekend together and she and Cal had agreed to take the children. As much as Cal groused and complained, she knew that it was just an act. Those kids meant the world to him and it always warmed her to watch him with them. As cut throat as he could still be in the cube, he was a complete push over when it came to his grandchildren.

"Gramma Gilly!" Maddie wriggled away from Cal's tickling fingers and skipped over and threw her arms around Gillian's waist. She looked up, grinning large. "Grandpa's trying to get out of taking us to the zoo!"

Jason had wormed into the spot previously taken by his sister and was combing his fingers through his grandfather's short beard, his expression completely enamored. Cal pressed a kiss against the boy's forehead before looking up at his wife and granddaughter. "Now, would I do that?" His voice was slightly indignant.

"Yeah Cal. You probably would." Gillian smirked at him, as she hugged the little girl to her.

"Huh. So much for loyalty."

"We're still going, right?" Jason looked up at him, suddenly concerned.

"Course we're gonna go ya little nut." Cal stood, careful not to dump the boy on the floor. "Now beasties, I need you to head on downstairs. We'll be down in just a second."

"Can we have pancakes?" Both kids questioned in unison before looking at one another and bursting into giggles again.

"If that's what you want."

"With smiley faces?"

He narrowed his eyes at them, wincing as they screamed in laughter and scurried out of the room.

Gillian stepped close to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Ready for some lions and tigers and bears?"

"Not gonna do it. Not gonna say 'oh my.'"

"Too late."

He smiled and hugged her to him fiercely for a moment before pulling away and allowing his hands to wander up to cup her face. She'd changed very little over the years. Maybe a few more fine lines but not much more than that. She was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. "Thank you."

Startled, she tilted her head. "For what?"

"For bein' with me, stayin' with me." Cal kissed her softly. "You're everythin' to me and I love you."

Blinking, she felt her eyes shimmer slightly. She wasn't positive what brought this on at this particular moment, but she never tired of hearing it. Lightly brushing her fingers through his hair, she kissed him back. "I love you too." Kissing him again, she smiled against his lips. "Now we'd better get down there and make breakfast for your grandchildren before they start chewing on the furniture."

"Probably a wise idea darlin'."

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><p><em><strong>Hope y'all enjoyed this fiction. Time to noodle on some new ones… ;-)<strong>_


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